


Where Lightning Strikes the Sea

by LeChatRouge673



Series: Thea's Song [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-01-17 09:07:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 84,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12362391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeChatRouge673/pseuds/LeChatRouge673





	1. A Night Like This

_Do not fear for my reason_  
 _There's nothing to hide_  
 _How bitter your treason_  
 _How bitter the lie_  
 _Remember the runes_  
 _And remember the light_  
 _All I ever want_  
 _Is to be by your side._

-“Skalds and Shadows” by Blind Guardian

 

* * *

 

 

He did not want to be here.

In fact, Loghain Mac Tir did not want to be in Denerim, let alone at a birthday party for one of Anora’s friends that he had never met and had no desire to do so. He had been, if not exactly happy, at least at peace in his self-imposed exile. The people of Gwaren were for the most part insulated from the politics and drama of the capitol. They had known of what he had done, of course. No one in southern Thedas had missed his spectacular and utterly public fall from grace, but at least the people of his teyrnir had been willing to shrug it off and move on, so long as he kept things running and stayed mostly out of sight.

It had been five years. Five long years since he had made the single worst mistake in his life, and possible the greatest blunder in military history. They had once called him a tactical genius. “The Hero of the River Dane.” Countless battles and skirmishes against the Orlesian occupiers had been won because of him, and many had once credited him with securing the throne for the young King Maric all those years ago. It felt like a lifetime had passed since then; and perhaps in a way, it had. When had he allowed his own arrogance and pride to overrule common sense and honor?

The battle at Ostagar had been bad enough. He still stood by that decision, at least: the king had died, but Loghain still believed that had Cailan listened to a damn word he had said and stayed away from the front lines, he would still be alive today, for better or for worse. Had he committed the troops to save him Ferelden would have lost far more. Too many had died that day, but it could have been far more devastating. No, his _worse_ sin had been trying to meddle in the politics of the capitol after Cailan’s death. Had he just trusted Anora instead of trying to consolidate power for her himself…

He took a deep breath. These were familiar memories, and he had relieved his mistakes constantly over the past several years. He would for the rest of his life, and he knew he deserved no less, just as he knew that every glare and sneer that had been directed at him since he had arrived with his daughter had been equally deserved. It did not mean he had to like it.

It was at Anora’s behest that he had returned to Denerim at all. Had anyone else made the request of him, he would have turned them down flat, but he would do anything for Anora. Not only because she was his daughter, but because he knew damn well that it was his fault she had lost so much. And now, she was worried: the Orlesian Empire had been quiet for years, enjoying a cultural renaissance under Empress Celene and licking their wounds after Ferelden had kicked them out.

But whispers of war had risen again, and if there was one thing Loghain Mac Tir understood, it was war.

Anora had asked him to return. She had insisted, in fact, as was her way. “Time enough has passed,” she had assured him when she had made the call. “You cannot expect to hide away in Gwaren forever.”

He had, actually. He would have been perfectly content to never step foot in Denerim again, but he also could not tell Anora no. So here he was, and she had further insisted that he make at least one public appearance with her to legitimize his presence. To her credit, she had made an honest attempt to pick the least offensive one she could: their hosts, Teyrn Bryce and Teyrna Eleanor Cousland, had at least treated him with courtesy, if not with warmth. It was their niece’s birthday, or so he had been told, but it would also mark the formal handing over of their half of the Seawolf and Steed shipping empire to their daughter and their niece.

He still did not want to be here.

Having stood dutifully at Anora’s side for the first half hour of the evening, he had managed to slip outside to the hotel gardens, seeking at least a brief respite from the muttered words and sideways glances. Loghain walked the path, allowing the crisp night air of spring to sink into his bones and the quiet songs of owls and frogs to clear the scratching nuisance of doubt and regret from his mind. The solitude suited him.

Which was why he was more than a little annoyed to find he was not alone in the gardens.

There was a woman there, perched on the railing of the gazebo with her back set against one of the posts. She was wearing a gown the color of new spring leaves in some sort of ridiculously impractical silky material, so he assumed she must have been one of the party guests. Long auburn hair hung in loose waves down her back, side swept bangs framed eyes the color of a stormy sea, and both shoulders and at least one of her wrists were marked with tasteful and exquisitely inked tattoos. She did not seem to have noticed him yet; her attention appeared to be engrossed with the book she held in one hand while the other balanced a glass of wine. Loghain was not sure what irritated him more: her presence, or the fact that he had actually mentally acknowledged the fact that she was rather beautiful.

“Keep staring like that, I may just do a trick.”

Her voice startled him. Apparently she _had_ known he was there. “I hardly think I was staring.”

“You have been standing there for the past minute. You have either been staring,” she snapped her book closed and raised an insolent eyebrow in his direction, “or you are very, very lost.”

“The latter seems more likely,” he retorted. “Why should I be staring at you?”

A small half smile tugged at the corners of her lips. “Oh you _are_ badly out of practice, aren’t you? If that is the best line you can come up with. Are you suggesting that I am not worth staring at? That perhaps it was not me that drew your attention, but rather the plants? Perhaps the woodwork.”

“I will concede that I did not expect to find anyone in the garden, and your presence threw me off guard,” he kept his tone measured. “But I did not intend to stare, nor did I mean to offend. My apologies.”

“There is no apology necessary,” she replied smoothly, her voice still colored by a hint of amusement. “I should not have made assumptions. You were quite right: there is no particular reason I should have thought you were staring at _me_.”

“And why not? You must be used to drawing attention.”

“I am,” her smile twisted wryly. “Though probably not for the reason you flatter me with. So. Have you tired of the festivities already? I don’t believe they have even had cake yet, which is really the only reason to show up to these things.”

He frowned slightly. “I could ask you the same question.”

“Yes,” she nodded as she slipped gracefully down from the railing. He noticed that she was not wearing any shoes, and that a serpent tattoo wound up one delicate ankle. “And I could give you an equally evasive answer. So why don’t we just skip to the part where we both acknowledge that neither of us are where we are supposed to be, and move on to the more interesting conversation.”

Loghain really did stare at her then. “You have a remarkably quick mind, don’t you? I imagine you keep your husband on his toes.”

Her smile widened a fraction. “Who said I had a husband?”

“Your wife, then?”

She laughed, the sound clear and bright in the stillness of the night. “Who said I was married _at all_?” She countered, her eyes sparking with challenge.

“I simply find it hard to believe that a woman as intelligent and engaging as yourself would not be spoken for,” he replied, leaning back against a stone wall and resisting the urge to smirk when a flash of color sprung briefly into the woman’s cheeks.

“Now see, _that_ is better,” she lowered her voice as her lips curved back into the smile that was not quite there. She stepped closer, lashes half lowered over her eyes and a slight sway in the curve of her hips. “As it happens, no, I am not spoken for. I find that most people are not worth my interest, and fewer still can keep up with me.”

“Which is a pity, I am sure,” he noted. “I imagine you are interesting company.”

She was closer now; too close. If he did not know better, he would have almost sworn she was actually _flirting_ with him, which was absurd on several levels.

“I have my moments,” she murmured.

He sighed. “You clearly have no idea who I am, do you?”

“Oh, I know _exactly_ who you are, Teyrn Mac Tir.” She laughed again, stepping past him and settling neatly on a bench under a string of softly glowing lights. She patted the spot beside her and, to his annoyance, he found himself accepting the seat. He had the sneaking suspicion that she was not used to being told ‘no.’

“And yet you are still speaking to me? Not a single glare or snide comment?”

She shrugged. “Would you feel more at ease if I glared at you? Would our conversation be somehow enhanced if I was snippish or rude?”

Loghain studied her briefly, but saw nothing disingenuous in her eyes. “I suppose I am simply surprised you are willing to be seen with me at all. You are the only other person besides my daughter and our hosts who has said two words to me, or at least words that I will repeat in polite company.”

The woman rolled her eyes. “I am hardly polite company. And I apologize on their behalf, since I doubt most of them would have the grace to apologize for themselves. You have as much right to be here as any of them; more so, I would imagine, since you came with the Queen of Ferelden herself.”

Now it was his turn to shrug. “I know what I am, and what I have done. I do not fault them for their attitudes, and their scorn is my penance. If you know as much as I believe you do, you must understand that.”

“I ‘must’ do nothing,” she replied with a hint of defiance. “But yes. You fucked up. On a rather impressive scale: it is no small feat to bring a nation to the brink of civil war. But it is done, and as far as I have heard you have spent the last five years in exile, running your teyrnir and staying out of Queen Anora’s way. I see no reason to continue to berate you for your sins. Besides,” her eyes met his, “I find you interesting. In fact, you are one of the _only_ people I have found interesting all evening, and I see no reason to waste time dragging you through the mud of the past when there are so many more… engaging… things we could be discussing.”

“Are you always this self-destructive?” He asked quietly.

“You have no idea.”

“And am I to know the name of my tormentor? I assume you have one.”

“You assume correctly,” she laughed again. “Most women do these days, or so I have been told.”

“And you are…?”

“No one of consequence.” There was that half smile again. He wondered if she ever _truly_ smiled.

“ _Now_ who is being evasive?” He retorted.

“Thea!” A voice called out from the direction of the hotel, and Bryce Cousland appeared from around a box hedge. “There you are! We were about to light the candles for _your_ cake, but you disappeared.”

“Yes,” the woman grumbled beside him. “Although apparently not well enough.” She managed a small smile as the other man approached. “My apologies, Uncle Bryce. I was getting a little overheated in the ballroom, so I stepped outside for some air.”

“Ah,” Bryce’s attention had settled on him. “Teyrn Loghain, I see you have met my niece, Theadosia Trevelyan.”

He looked at her, eyebrows raised. “ _Trevelyan_? This is _your_ birthday party?”

“So it would seem,” she sighed, and the spark had gone out of her eyes. “Now you too can tell people you have had the honor of meeting the disappointing Trevelyan sister. If you will excuse me.” She brushed past her uncle and retreated back towards the party, and Loghain was surprised to find he was almost sorry to see her go.

“I apologize if I interrupted your conversation,” Bryce inclined his head slightly. “I am afraid Thea’s reticence is entirely my fault: she was not enthused about the idea of a party in the first place, but Eleanor and I thought it would be nice to celebrate this year, especially since we will likely be abroad this time next year.”

“It is quite alright,” he replied. “Your niece is… a remarkable woman. You must be proud.”

“We are,” the other man smiled. “To be honest, Thea is just as much our child as Cataline or Fergus, although she can hardly be called a child anymore. We have raised her since she was seven.”

Loghain cast a questioning gaze in his direction. “But Tiberius and Adaline Trevelyan only died recently, did they not? Within the last two or three years? How did you come to be raising their daughter?”

“Ah, well,” Bryce gave a small cough, “That is something you would probably be better served to ask Thea. It is up to her to decide to whom she tells that particular story.  In any case, we love her as our own, and we are quite proud of her. We are leaving the company in good hands, with her and Cat.”

“I have no doubt,” Loghain remarked as he followed Bryce back into the ballroom and sought out Anora. His daughter was chatting with a pretty ginger haired woman he recognized as Bryce’s daughter, Cataline. She gave him a small smile as he approached before taking her leave of Anora, who turned her attention towards him with a smile of her own.

“Where did you get off to?” She inquired, slipping her arm through his and giving it a brief, comforting squeeze. “I was afraid I was going to have to send out a search party.”

“You would have been hard pressed to find anyone willing to look,” he rolled his eyes. Despite himself, he scanned the ballroom until he caught sight of the auburn haired woman from the garden. _Theadosia_. She was… not what he had expected. Her expression had cooled somewhat now that she was back amidst the party guests, and she was dancing with a dark haired man he almost felt as though he recognized. “I met your friend.”

“You will have to be more specific,” Anora raised a delicate eyebrow. “There are, in fact, several people in attendance this evening who I can truly call my friends, and several dozen more who would like to believe they are my friend.”

“This particular friend happens to be the guest of honor.”

“Ah, yes. _Thea_.” Anora smiled, almost to herself.

“I was hoping you would meet her.”

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Won't You Guess my Game

_Just as every cop is a criminal_   
_And all the sinners saints_   
_As heads is tails_   
_Just call me Lucifer_   
_Cause I'm in need of some restraint._

-“Sympathy for the Devil” by The Rolling Stones

 

* * *

 

 

“Well don’t you look charming.”

Thea shot a glare in Nathaniel’s direction. “I _am_ charming, darling. I am simply not particularly enthused about being at a party that I did not want and that is celebrating an event I would rather try to pretend is not happening.”

Her best friend rolled his eyes. “You act as though turning 30 is the end of the damn world. I managed it four years ago and did not keel over and die, so I imagine you will survive.”

“It is not the birthday, it is…” she threw up her hands in frustration. “You know what it is, Nate.”

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I know, Teddy girl. I know. Do they still plan on making the announcement tonight?”

She nodded, trying to push back the nerves she felt rising in her stomach. “Yes, shortly. I don’t know why I am so nervous… It is not like I did not know this was coming. It is the entire reason they asked me to come home.”

“You have to admit, you have flourished here,” Nathaniel pointed out. “You have exceeded everyone’s expectations, including your own, I think.”

Thea sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder. “Yes, but at what cost?”

“Come on,” he took her by the hand and pulled her onto the dance floor. “Perhaps if you look like you are having fun we can delay the inevitable a bit longer?”

“Never pegged you for an optimist, Nate,” she laughed, but she followed him anyways.

“What can I say? Cat has been a good influence.”

“Or a terrible one,” Thea retorted, but they both knew she did not mean it. She had been ecstatic when her cousin, who was really more like her sister, and her best friend had gotten married: her two favorite people in the world had found a happiness in each other that she envied, but also rejoiced in.

“So,” he spun her around, catching her easily about the waist. “Where _did_ you run off to? Bryce was looking for you for at least twenty minutes, and I was running out of ways to stall him.”

“I was in the gardens,” she answered primly. “With a glass of wine and a good book and I was perfectly happy until I was disturbed by Loghain Mac Tir.”

“Ah, so he _is_ back,” Nathaniel commented. “I had heard rumors that Anora had recalled him to the palace, but no one has seen him since he arrived. Though, to be honest, if I were in his position I would probably make myself scarce as well. People in this city have long memories, and they do not forgive easily. I didn’t realize he was here this evening.”

“I am surprised you are taking this so well,” Thea remarked. “Since he was at least partially responsible for what happened with your father.”

“My father made his own choices, and he is exactly where he belongs. He can rot there for all I care.”

“I’m sorry, Nate,” Thea offered, her contrition real. “I should not have brought it up.”

Her friend sighed. “It is alright, Thea. But no, I do not blame Teyrn Loghain for the fact that my father actively sought to commit treason against Anora and tried to have your aunt and uncle killed. The man may have opened the window of opportunity, but my father was the idiot who jumped through it. So,” he changed the subject, “what exactly did the two of you discuss?”

Thea shrugged. “Not much. He seemed bemused by the fact that I did not run away in horror when I saw him. I am more than a little annoyed that the rest of Bryce and Eleanor’s guests have been so rude, although the more practical part of my mind is not surprised.”

“And what did you think of him?”

Damn it. What _did_ she think of him?

“He interests me,” she finally admitted. She knew Nathaniel would keep her secrets. “I am a smartass under the best of circumstances, and there is only one other person I have ever met that could keep up with me before tonight, and that is you.”

“We do seem to have the market cornered on sarcasm,” he agreed.

“I prefer to think of it as having a sharp wit and extremely dry sense of humor,” she countered with a small smile. “You and I, we have known each other for years. I can almost predict what you are going to say, and I suspect the reverse is also true. With most other people, except maybe Cat, I have to rein in my sass a little bit. But he did not even hesitate. Not only that, he actually _challenged_ me. I had to think faster. It was… it was interesting.”

“Hm,” he raised his eyebrows as the dance ended and they walked towards the long table where her Aunt Eleanor had lovingly placed thirty candles in Thea’s favorite lemon cake.

“‘Hm’ what?” She asked, trying not to wince as each candle wick flared to life with flame, every one of them a reminder of the life she was about to leave behind in favor of the one she had accepted long ago.

“Well,” Nathaniel remarked casually, “I was simply going to point out that I suspect you interested _him_ too.”

“Oh?” She asked, trying not to sound as curious as she was.

“Yes. Because ever since he came back inside he hasn’t taken his eyes off of you.”

 

* * *

 

Anora paced the floor of her office in the royal palace, her hands clasped behind her back. Thea knew that the queen would never have shown such agitation in front of her people, but at the moment, they were not monarch and subject: they were simply two close friends. One of them just happened to be trying to run a country.

“I do not like it, Thea.”

“I don’t either, Nora,” she sighed, taking a sip of her coffee. She had been acting as an informal advisor to the other woman for several years, and Anora now made a point of having the dark and bitter brew available when Thea came by. “But what do you want me to do about it?”

Her friend sighed. “I am not certain. Celene has always been far more… amenable… to peace, than her uncle was, and I have no desire to start fighting with the empire again. But she cannot simply expect me to ignore this!”

‘This’ was a list of recent troop movements along the border between Ferelden and Orlais, as well as a report on a sudden increase in production at several factories known for producing armaments. There had been no disruptions in trade, and their embassies had reported nothing out of the ordinary, but the signs were clear. Orlais was preparing for war.

“Unfortunately, Anora, I think that is exactly what we have to do,” Thea shrugged. “You and I both know that there is _something_ going on, but the situation is fragile, at best. If we even let slip the slightest suggestion that we are accusing the empire of starting another war, they very well may use the perceived offense to do exactly that. To be honest, I am amazed they are not breaking down the door over the fact that you brought your father back to court.”

Anora gave a small laugh. “Yes, I imagine that raised even more eyebrows there than it did here. But why shouldn’t a daughter invite her father to visit her?”

“Would you like the reasons alphabetically, or in descending order of severity?”

The other woman just smiled. “It is interesting you mention father, actually,” she sat behind her desk and neatly folded her hands, which Thea knew inevitably meant she was up to something. “It seems you made quite an impression on him at your birthday party last week.”

“It was hardly ‘my’ birthday party,” Thea protested, attempting to evade the subject. “I told Aunt Eleanor and Uncle Bryce I didn’t want a big party, but they were already planning on doing something to announce their retirement, and the timing was convenient, I suppose.”

“Perhaps,” Anora shrugged. “In any case, my father seemed _very_ interested in you after the two of you spoke in the garden. He is quite insistent that you did not discuss anything in particular, but this is the first time he has expressed even passing curiosity about any of my friends. Or at least,” she rolled her eyes, “any of my friends that were not trying to get into my bed, and those he mainly wanted to ask about how best to beat some sense into their heads.”

“I am afraid I have no further insight, Anora,” Thea replied carefully. “We spoke for all of maybe fifteen minutes. I think he appreciated that there was at least one person at the party who did not insist on treating him like he was one of those diseased creatures they fought at Ostagar. And, I suppose for my part, I appreciated having a conversation, however brief, with someone who had no idea who I was, or any of the baggage I carry.”

“He was slightly concerned he had offended you.”

Thea pinched the bridge of her nose and inhaled deeply. “No, Anora. He did not, although I very much doubt he would be too bothered if he had. My feelings are not so fragile as that, but I suspect I should probably apologize for leaving as abruptly as I did. My uncle had finally tracked me down and whatever moment of respite I had claimed was over, and I admit I was less graceful with my departure than I should have been.”

Anora smiled slightly as they both stood and moved towards the door. “I am sure he would appreciate the opportunity to speak with you again. It is good for him to have someone who is not in the least bit intimidated by him. Ah,” her smile bloomed a little brighter. “Look who is here.”

Thea closed her eyes briefly. _Of course_. “Teyrn Mac Tir,” she inclined her head slightly.

“Ms. Trevelyan,” he returned the gesture. “I did not realize you were here.”

“More often than I probably should be,” Thea replied evenly. “Anora and I were discussing the situation with Orlais, although I regret to say that for the moment, at least, we have made very little progress.”

“Speaking of,” Anora spoke up, “I have something I need to see to in the east wing. Father, would you please see Thea out?” She did not give either of them a chance to protest, turning neatly on her heel and heading in the opposite direction. Thea gave a small shake of her head, and then fell into step beside Loghain as they descended the stairs leading to the main hall.

“It is good to see you again, Ms. Trevelyan,” he finally spoke, breaking the uneasy silence between them. “Anora tells me you have been a significant help to her over the past few years.”

“She is a good friend, and I help her as I can,” Thea acknowledged. “Although I doubt my advice will be needed much longer, now that you have returned.”

He gave a small snort of skepticism. “And I very much doubt that I will be trusted with much more than a pincushion, at least for the time being. Should the nation be drawn back into a war, that may change, but I am not so eager to return to relevance that I would welcome that development.”

“Good point,” she conceded, a half smile curving at her lips. “Though I would argue that you stood by her side for many years when there was _not_ a war going on and still managed to be useful, so perhaps there is hope for you yet.”

“How comforting,” he replied drily.

“I am sorry,” she laughed softly. “You seem to bring out the worst in me, and I am not quite certain why.”

“Whereas I am flattered,” he paused and looked at her. “I would argue that I seem to bring out the best of your wit and your charm, although I could not begin to imagine why.”

Thea met his gaze. “Perhaps I was simply saving it for someone who was worth the effort.”

“Then I would question your judgement, but would be honored nevertheless.”

They continued through the hall before stepping out into the spring sunshine. Thea stopped, realizing that she had somehow managed to go out the exact opposite exit of the one she needed. “I believe my car is on the other side,” she sighed.

“I admit, I wondered.”

“You distracted me.”

His lips twitched slightly, and she wondered how he would look if he actually smiled. Somehow, Thea had a feeling his smiles were even more rare than her own, which made her even more intent on someday seeing one.

“Then perhaps you will allow me to make amends by escorting you through the gardens to the other side?” He asked, offering her his arm.

“I could be persuaded,” she accepted the gesture, once again falling into step beside him. “Besides, I believe I owe you an apology.”

“Oh?” He sounded truly surprised. “You would be the first. I have grown accustomed to it being the other way around.”

“Of that, I have no doubt,” Thea was surprised to hear the faintest tone of sympathy in her voice. “I promise, I will not make a habit of it.”

 “Perish the thought.”

She rolled her eyes, but continued nonetheless. “I should not have left so abruptly the other night. It was uncalled for.”

Loghain was quiet for a moment, then said, “I confess I should have liked to have had more time to speak with you, Ms. Trevelyan, and to a certain curiosity.”

“Yes, I imagine so,” she exhaled. “I suppose you want to know about my natural parents, or how I ended up with Bryce and Eleanor, or why I am such a pill.”

He shook his head. “No, Ms. Trevelyan. When you are ready to give me those answers, I know you will. And for the record, there are many words I could use to describe you, but ‘pill’ would not be one of them.”

Despite her best efforts, Thea found herself smiling slightly. “You are so certain you will have an opportunity for me to give you those answers?”

“Perhaps I am simply optimistic.”

“I would never dream of accusing you of being an optimist,” she laughed, the sound surprising her. “However, I will concede that it is… pleasant… to have someone to speak with who appreciates my unique and sparkling personality. So, assuming we are currently tabling the more scandalous discussions regarding my heritage, what exactly did you find so curious about me?”

His brow furrowed slightly, and he stopped and sat on a bench near the exit to the driveway. She sat beside him and waited patiently for him to speak.

“You are the first person I have met since I came back that does not treat me like a pariah. I do not pretend their attitudes are not justified, but it does make _your_ behavior stick out a bit. Why?”

Thea considered her answer carefully before she finally spoke. “I am not certain how much Anora has told you of me… or how much you are interested in knowing. I am an historian, by education if not by trade. I have studied the Battle of Ostagar for several years: comparing it to other great battles, looking at how the land has been defended or assaulted in the past, studying the actions of other great generals and commanders. I have looked at that disaster eight ways from Sunday, and,” she took a deep breath, “I do not see a way that it was ever going to be anything _other_ than a disaster. Even if everyone had done everything ‘right,’ and I use that term _very_ loosely… I don’t see a good answer. Cailan should never have pressed the battle without waiting for support. He should never have been on the front lines. I do not think he understood the reality of war. From everything I have read, and from what Anora has told me, he was a good man. He was trying to rally the morale of his troops, which was an admirable goal, but foolish. And yes, you could have gone to his aid. But the numbers were against you, and had you done so, we would have lost even more. To my mind, your mistake was not in failing to save Cailan. Your mistake was in not trusting your daughter.”

Loghain sat silent beside her, and she could not read the expression in his eyes. She stood, shaking her head slightly. “I apologize, Teyrn Mac Tir. I overstep my bounds. Your daughter will tell you I have quite a talent for it.” She turned and stepped towards the exit.

“Ms. Trevelyan?”

Thea looked back towards him uncertainly.

“I would prefer it if you simply called me Loghain. The title is going to become cumbersome if we converse with any regularity.”

She gave him her half smile. “Then I would prefer it if you called me Theadosia. Or Thea, if you would rather.”

“If it is all the same to you,” he stood and stepped closer to her, and for some illogical reason her heart seemed to stutter, “I would just as soon call you Theadosia. It is a beautiful name, and it suits you.”

She nodded her head slightly. “As you like. Until next time, Loghain.”

“Until next time, Theadosia.”

 


	3. My Own Remorse

_Acting on your best behavior_   
_Turn your back on mother nature_   
_Everybody wants to rule the world._

-“Everybody Wants to Rule the World” as Performed by Lorde

 

* * *

 

 

Loghain returned to his office in the palace the long way, trying to sort his thoughts. He was not certain why he was intrigued by Theadosia. She was, admittedly, a beautiful woman, but that was not it. She was also, in turns, charming, exasperating, witty, and sarcastic, and seemed to have an innate intelligence that lent itself well to her disposition. It was, he reflected, a pity that she had not pursued a career as an historian, since she seemed to have a passion for the subject and a willingness to look beyond the surface of a story.

Or perhaps he was simply biased because she had sympathized with his own choices. Partially.

When he finally entered his office, Anora was there waiting for him. Somehow, he wasn’t surprised. She smiled when he walked in, and he knew what she was going to ask even before she spoke the words.

“Did you lose your way, father? I know it has been a few years.”

He closed his eyes briefly and took a long breath. “I was having a brief word with your friend, Theadosia. I believe you are the one who insisted I see her out, although I imagine she knows the way quite as well as I do.”

“So it’s Theadosia, now? Not Ms. Trevelyan?”

“Do you have a point, Anora?”

She laughed gently. “I do, but we will get to that. I must say, I am a little envious. It took me a full year before I started chipping away at Thea’s exterior, and even longer before I think she really trusted me.” His daughter tilted her head and studied him. “She likes you.”

“She is… a pleasant woman to speak with,” he agreed. “You said the two of you are close?”

Anora nodded. “Very. I would venture to say that, outside of Cat and Nathaniel and possibly Dorian, I am her closest friend. I suspect it is because we share a certain kinship with each other.”

“Oh?”

“Both of us were groomed for positions of power from a very young age,” Anora spoke, her voice thoughtful. “I know that you always had big dreams for me, and even when we were children it was always assumed that Cailan and I would one day marry and cement a strong Ferelden union to protect against the possibility of another invasion from Orlais.”

“You know that if you had wanted to follow another path, I never would have stood in your way,” Loghain replied quietly.

“Of course I know that,” she reassured him. “And had I not wanted to rule Ferelden, I can quite promise you that we would not be sitting here now. However, I believe I have always been meant to lead. It is why, I think, you and I had our little falling out five years ago.”

“I am sorry, Anora. I know the words are empty, coming from me, but I mean them regardless.”

“I know, father,” she stood and approached him, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him tight just like she had when she was a little girl in pigtails. “And I have forgiven you. Actually… you can thank Thea for helping that along as well, although I would like to believe I would have come to the same conclusion on my own, eventually.”

Loghain held her at arm’s length so that he could look at her. “What do you mean?”

She returned to her chair and he took his place behind his desk. “She pointed out my husband had put himself in a no-win scenario, and that had you followed him as blindly as you had once followed Maric we could have lost the entire army.” He must have bristled slightly, because she gave him a small smile and added, “Remember, this was before she had met you, so I cannot say whether or not she would have been quite as blunt in her assessment.”

“No, I have very little doubt she still would be,” he responded drily.

“It is worth pointing out,” Anora continued, her voice softening ever so slightly, “that Thea also told me I was lucky to have a father who was so intent on giving me the world. Even if, in her words ‘he made an absolute clusterfuck of it.’ She said that many daughters are not so lucky.”

They sat quietly for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts. He reached out a hand to her, and she took it and held on. Of all the things he regretted about what he had done, hurting his daughter was unquestionably the one he felt the most sharply.

“Anora? How did Theadosia come to live with Bryce and Eleanor?”

Anora seemed to mull the question over in her mind. “You should really be asking her that question… but I was fairly certain you would ask me, and she gave me permission to tell you. I imagine she is rather weary of repeating it anyways. You know that her parents, if they could be called such, were Tiberius and Adaline Trevelyan?” When he nodded, she continued. “Adaline is Eleanor’s sister; they both come from the Mac Eanraig line which, if you think about it, explains _a lot_ about Thea. Anyways, Tiberius and Adaline took the exact opposite approach to having children that you and mother did: instead of having them very young, they waited quite awhile. Adaline did not have Margot until she was thirty. Margot was intended to be the only child: an heir to that half of Seawolf and Steed in the north, and to the Trevelyan political dynasty. Then, when Adaline turned forty-five, she found out that, against all odds, she was pregnant again.”

“With Theadosia?”

She nodded. “Adaline did not dare seek to end the pregnancy, for fear of what Tiberius’s family and their circle of friends would think. However, she was also not eager to be a mother again. Thea was unplanned and, from a very early age, it was made abundantly clear to her that she was not wanted. Even then, she was a very intelligent and thoughtful child, and she knew that her parents did not love her.”

Loghain could not decide if he was more heartsick or enraged at the thought of Theadosia’s parents treating her as though she were something to be tossed aside like a toy they had grown bored with. Anora must have seen the way his fists had clenched, because she reached out a hand and placed it over his own before she picked up her narrative.

“I know,” she soothed, “I was angry too, when I learned. But the story does have a happy ending, mostly. When she was seven years old, Bryce and Eleanor Cousland offered to foster Thea. They said that Highever had excellent schools, and that it would be good for Cataline to have a playmate other than her rough and tumble brother. Which was nonsense, of course, but they could see that Thea was suffering under her parents’ neglect. Thea came to live with her aunt and uncle, and she just never went back. Bryce and Eleanor raised her, and when they say they consider her their daughter I have no doubt they mean it. They gave her the love and attention that Tiberius and Adaline never would, and Thea became the bright, clever, beautiful woman she is today.”

He took a moment to process. “What happened to Margot? Her sister?”

“Oh, she’s fine,” Anora shrugged. “She is the only one who bothered to keep in touch with Thea after she left. I think that Margot probably did more to bring up her sister during those first few years than her parents ever did, and they remained close. When Tiberius and Adaline died they didn’t bother including Thea in the will, of course, but Margot split everything with her anyways.”

“And now she is the CEO of one of the largest companies in Ferelden. Not bad, for a child her parents rejected.”

“Co-CEO,” Anora corrected, “Along with Cataline, and Margot still controls the business interests in the Marches, but yes. For better or for worse, she has finally taken her place beside Cataline at the head of Seawolf and Steed.”

“Why do you put it that way?” He asked.

Anora shrugged. “Do you want the official story, or my opinion?”

He laughed softly. “When have you ever hesitated to give me your opinion?”

“True enough,” her smile broadened. “Thea is brilliant at what she does at S&S: her departments run like well-oiled machines, and she is an excellent counter balance to Cat, who tends to handle most of the “people” oriented aspects of the business. Thea tends to look at the long game, and she has an amazing head for looking at a situation and seeing possibilities, and how they will affect various outcomes. A lot like you, actually,” she pointed out. “All that being said… Thea’s first love has always been history.”

“She mentioned that is what she went to university for,” Loghain remembered.

“Yes. She has her master’s degree in it, and I think she had been planning on pursuing a second when Bryce and Eleanor told her they were preparing to retire in a few years. They did not say it in so many words, but Thea could read between the lines: it was time for her to come home.” Anora paused, and when she spoke again her voice was a little sad. “I think Thea could have happily spent the rest of her life amongst her ruins and books and artifacts, but she believed, she _still_ believes, that she owes this much to her family. To Eleanor and Bryce and Cataline. Cat is like a sister to Thea, and I know she would be devastated if Thea had decided to hand over her control of the company to anyone else.”

“As I said,” she sighed, “I am glad Thea came back to Denerim. I met her very shortly after you… returned to Gwaren… and she quickly became one of my most trusted advisors, although she refuses to accept any sort of official title. Probably so she does not feel bad about telling me when I am being an idiot,” Anora laughed. “She is the only person’s advice I trust as much as yours. You would not know it to look at her, but that woman has a very old soul. She claims it is the side affect of spending some much time in dusty archives and moldy ruins.”

“She seems to be a thoughtful and intelligent woman,” he agreed, speaking more to himself than to anyone else.

“I’m glad you agree,” Anora stood and smoothed non-existent wrinkles from her dress. “I had hoped the two of you would get along; my life is quite chaotic enough without the two people I trust most at each other’s throats. And, if I may be so bold, I think she will be good for you. Perhaps you will be good for each other.”

“Hmm,” he grumbled, then tried to decide how he wanted to frame his next question. “That man she was dancing with at her party, the dark haired one with grey eyes. Who was he? I feel like I should remember him, but his name is escaping me at the moment.”

Anora’s grin told him he had not been as subtle as he had hoped. “You mean Nathaniel Howe?”

“He’s a _Howe_?”

Anora nodded. “He is. Rendon’s eldest son. He is also Thea’s best friend, and Cataline’s husband. So I would avoid antagonizing him if you can.”

Loghain just shook his head, then reminded her, “Don’t forget: I will be gone for a few days. I have to return to Gwaren to take care of some things, but I should be back within the week.”

“Good,” she leaned down and pecked a kiss on his cheek. “I have enjoyed having you back, father. I love you.”

“I love you too, Anora.”

 

* * *

 

 

When he returned from Gwaren the following week, Loghain did not take the exit leading directly back to the palace; instead, he drove into the heart of downtown Denerim and the high rise offices of Seawolf and Steed. He took the elevator to the top floor and approached the front desk, where a pleasant young dwarven woman sat with a pile of cartography textbooks.

“Good afternoon,” she greeted him politely. Her name plate read _Lace Harding_. “Can I help you?”

“Perhaps,” he replied, shifting a carefully wrapped parcel in his arm. “I am here to see Theadosia Trevelyan.”

“I see. Did you have an appointment?”

“It’s fine, Lace,” a voice called from one of the two corner offices. “Go ahead and send him back.”

The assistant pointed him in the same direction the voice had come from with a small grin. “Last door on the right.” He nodded his thanks, then walked down the hallway. Although the door was open, he knocked twice on the frame to announce his presence.

Theadosia looked up from her phone call, and a smile flashed briefly across her features. She gestured for him to close the door and have a seat. “Yes, well,” she responded to someone on the other end of the line, “you may remind Prince Vael that, currently, my continued sufferance of Starkhaven’s whiskey trade is completely dependent on his friendship with Ravenna and Bethany. Should he continue to pester me for anything beyond business negotiations, my tolerance for suffering will decrease dramatically, and I will re-open talks with the Anderfels for _their_ whiskey. Mmhmm. You do that.” She hung up the phone with a roll of her eyes.

“I apologize, Loghain.” She managed a small half smile. “Sebastian is growing persistent again, and he seems to think he can leverage our trade agreements into dinner, which is ridiculous.”

“Oh?” He replied, trying to pinpoint the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. _Jealousy?_

She shrugged. “Yes, it must mean that Margot rebuffed him again. Starkhaven has been trying to win a marriage alliance with Ostwick for years. Sebastian is a lovely person, really, he’s just… _so nice_.” Thea cringed slightly. “He is also crazy about my first cousin once removed, Bethany Hawke, but has yet to come to terms with the fact. Maybe when he does, he will stop badgering Margot and I. Besides, it is a moot point: he wants an heir, and I have neither the desire nor the ability to have children.”

“Ah. I’m… sorry?”

Theadosia shook her head. “Don’t be. It was my choice, and it is not one I regret.”

“And is Vael aware of this?”

“Why should he be?” She shrugged. “I have no desire to sleep with him, so it is really none of his business.”

“You told _me_ ,” Loghain pointed out.

Her lips curved just a touch; that same teasing smile that was not quite there. “So I did. In any case, Sebastian is a close friend of Bethany’s older sister, Ravenna, which is why I put up with as much as I do and, between you and me, I have a weakness for Starkhaven whiskey. But, I am sure you did not come here for me to whine about work.” She looked at him, head slightly tilted in question.

“Not this time, no,” he slid the parcel across her desk. “I found that in my library at Gwaren and thought you might be interested in it.” He watched as she carefully untied the twine and gently folded away the paper wrappings. When she saw the title, her eyes lit up, and he felt a strange hitch in his chest.

“The Life of Empress Theadosia,” she murmured, running her fingers almost reverently over the cover. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to find this book?”

“It took me about twenty minutes and a library ladder,” he shrugged, and she laughed.

“Well clearly you have more talent for finding rare and out of print books than I do, because I have been searching for this volume for nearly a decade. And this is a damned first edition!” She carefully turned through the first few pages. “She was absolutely brilliant, you know that? She was married to an emperor in a time when women were not supposed to wield power, and yet everyone knew who the power behind the throne was. And Theadosia continued to control the empire even after her husband died, via her son. She was a brilliant tactician and politician.”

Loghain was a bit surprised at how much her happiness pleased him. “Were you named for her?”

Theadosia lifted her shoulders in a small shrug. “I don’t know. Possibly? My parents let Margot name me; compensation for the inconvenience of my birth, I suppose, and she _was_ going through a romantic phase at the time. It would make sense, though, since my middle name is that of a Tevinter queen: Livia.”

“Your sister gave you the names of an Orlesian empress and a Tevinter queen?” He asked incredulously. “She must have already had it out for you. I am suddenly very grateful Anora was an only child.”

“Yes, well…” Theadosia’s eyes fell away. “Margot was _supposed_ to be an only child, but I do not think she bore me any ill will. I think she just had a taste for grandiose names and romantic notions about beautiful foreign queens and their passionate love affairs.”

“With all due respect to the original Theadosia and Livia, I think I prefer their namesake. You seem less likely to order beheadings on a whim,” he observed.

“Only on Tuesdays,” she retorted. “I will be careful with it, I promise, although it may take me a bit to find the time to sit and read it. Is there any hurry for me to return it?”

He shook his head. “Keep it. It is a gift.”

For once, Theadosia seemed at a loss for words. “I- thank you,” she murmured, her expression softening briefly. “But why?”

He wished he knew. Instead, he simply said, “Your name rang a bell and I seemed to recall we had the book somewhere. I thought you might enjoy reading it.”

“So you were thinking about me, were you?” She had apparently recovered her wit.

“I am afraid it is the price you will pay for having an uncommon name.” _But yes_ , he thought to himself, _I was thinking of you_.

Loghain watched as Theadosia ran a loving finger over the text on one of the pages before she looked back up at him, her storm blue eyes unreadable. “Have you read it?”

“I have,” he nodded. “And I read it again while I was in Gwaren and on the flight home.”

“Good,” she carefully rewrapped the book and tucked it away in her desk drawer. “Then I will have someone to discuss it with as I read. I can only subject poor Cat and Nate to my ramblings for so long before their eyes start to glaze over.”

“I look forward to it,” he said as he stood to leave, and he was slightly unnerved to find that he meant it. As he opened the door, he heard her call quietly back to him.

“Loghain?”

He turned to face her, and saw that for the first time since he had met her, there was a real, genuine smile dancing over her lips.

“Thank you.”

 


	4. The Brilliant Light of Morning

_How stupid could I be?_  
_A simpleton could see_  
_That you're no good for me_  
_But you're the only one I see._

 

-“Stupid” by Sarah McLachlan

 

* * *

 

 

“Anora agrees with our assessment,” Thea sat back in her chair in her office and took a long sip of her third cup of coffee that morning. “There is definitely something wonky going on in Orlais, but we cannot really determine what that wonkiness _is_ without doing some more poking, and we can’t very well do more poking without having a clearer idea of what we are looking for. Smart money has some external power pulling Celene’s strings, most likely via blackmail, but damned if I know who.”

“Nevarra?” Cataline suggested. “They share a border.”

“Not likely,” Thea countered. “King Markus is only just holding onto his throne at the moment, I don’t think he would be stupid enough to jeopardize his alliance with Orlais; not when their support is half of what is keeping him in power and Tevinter off their backs. I considered Antiva as well, since the merchant princes are constantly picking fights with someone, but it is unlike them to go directly after a head of state. Honestly, you or I are more likely to be a target of their ire than Celene or Anora.”

“Thank you, Teddy, very comforting. I suppose at this point we should just be grateful it is not affecting us yet,” Cataline tapped the side of her cheek thoughtfully. “Trade continues to flow just as it has for the past five years. There is the occasional hiccup, sure, but for the most part everything looks to be on track.”

“For now,” Thea muttered.

“I am afraid I must agree with Thea,” Josephine Montilyet, their chief HR officer and director of internal affairs, spoke up. She normally did not sit in on these meetings, but because of her close personal ties to many of the houses in Orlais, Cat and Thea had invited her to share her input. “The nature of the Game is such that by the time we realize we have been affected, it will be too late. I would strongly advise that we do whatever we can to nip this in the bud before it goes too far.”

Cat nodded. “Fair enough. Ideally, we would be able to approach Celene directly, but I doubt we have that kind of clout over the border. A pity we can’t have Anora intervene, but that would rather defeat the purpose, wouldn’t it? We are trying to avoid the suggestion of suspicion. Josie, do you have any friendly connections that may be useful here? Thea has reached out to our trade partners, of course, but that may not be enough here.”

Josephine nodded enthusiastically. “Of course! Give me some time, I will see what I can come up with. Also, it may be worth noting that Celene seems to be facing trouble on multiple fronts at the moment.”

“That’s true,” Thea agreed. “Rumors coming from the border say that there is a lot of unrest amongst the chevaliers which, although nominally under the control of the empress, are far more loyal to her cousin, Gaspard de Chalons. It may not be much help to us, but for now it will give us a little breathing room to figure out what is going on, and I will take what I can get at this point.”

“Alright then,” Cat said with finality. “Meeting adjourned?” Thea nodded in agreement, and Josephine preceded them out the door, and she shut it behind them.

“I think I am going to run down to The Herald’s Rest and grab some more coffee,” she informed Cat. “Do you want to come with, or should I bring you something?”

“I’ll come with you,” Cat dashed into her office to grab her bag. “It will be nice to get outside, anyways. By the way,” she asked as they got into the elevator and began their descent, “was that a copy of _The Life of Empress Theadosia_ I saw you reading at your desk earlier?”

_Shit_.

“It was,” Thea replied, trying to keep her voice casual. “It is a compelling read, and I have had a hard time putting it down. You know I have always admired the woman.”

“And you finally managed to find a copy?” Cat didn’t bother trying to keep the amazement out of her question. “We have been trying to track one down for years; even my parents have not been able to find it.”

Thea prayed that her cheeks were not burning as much as she felt they were. “It was a gift.”

“I see,” a smile spread across Cat’s face. “And a gift from whom, I wonder?”

With a heavy sigh and an exaggerated roll of her eyes, Thea answered, “From Loghain Mac Tir, if you absolutely must know. He said he came across it in his library the last time he was back in Gwaren and wondered if I had read it, so he brought it back for me.” She neglected to mention the detail that he had apparently actively looked for the book in order to bring it back to her.

“Ah.”

“Don’t ‘ah’ me,” Thea growled. “You sound like a deepstalker.”

“And you sound like a grumpy cave bear,” Cat giggled. “No wonder he likes you.”

“I would not go _that_ far,” Thea protested weakly. “I think he is simply grateful there is at least one person in Ferelden other than Anora who does not spit every time he walks past.”

Cat just shook her head as they entered the shop. “Oh Teddy girl, you are _so_ far in denial. Nathaniel told me about what happened at your birthday party. How he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.”

“First of all, I am going to kill your husband. Second, he is exaggerating. I think. Probably. I was a bit distracted by the cake. Did you have any, by the way? It was delicious. Lemon with lavender icing and blackberry filling…”

“You are trying to change the subject. Granted, using cake as a distraction is a good tactic, but not going to work here,” Cat laughed, but allowed the subject to drop as they ordered their drinks and settled into two overstuffed armchairs in a quiet corner. Thea took a long, slow sip of her coffee before she finally looked back to her cousin.

“Alright, Catkin,” she gave in. “If you are going to tease me mercilessly about what is probably going to amount to a whole lot of nothing, you can at least try to be useful in the interim.”

“Oh, Thea,” Cat reached over and gave her arm a gentle squeeze. “You know Nate and I love you to pieces. That’s why we’re so intrigued by the fact that you have actually managed to hold multiple conversations with the man without deciding he bored you or that he was not worth your effort.”

“And the fact that he’s…”

“What?” Cat snorted. “Older? He’s… what… fifty?”

Thea closed her eyes with a sigh of resignation. “Fifty-one.”

Cat just shrugged. “We keep telling you that _you_ act like you’re too old for your age. Besides,” she gave her a sly smile, “he looks damn good for _his_ age.”

Now Thea could tell she really was blushing, which irritated her to no end. “I was going to say the fact that he’s Anora’s _father_ doesn’t bother you, but I suppose it amounts to the same thing. In any case… what do you know about him?”

Cataline paused, and Thea could see that her cousin was neatly organizing the information she kept stored in her mind. When she spoke, her tone was careful. “I am not certain I can tell you much more than what you already know, Teddy. Our families ran in similar circles, but you know as well as I do that you and I were rarely in Denerim until the last few years, when we started taking over the company. And you have forgotten more about the Battle of Ostagar than I will ever know.”

“Yes,” Thea said impatiently, “but I was not _here_. I was in Ostwick. I missed all of this. By the time I came back, he had run back to Gwaren and Anora was spitting hot coals over losing both her husband and her father. _That_ was the reality I came back to, and the mess I had to clean up. I am trying to piece together…” She huffed in frustration. “I am trying to puzzle out who he was _before_ the disaster at Ostagar.”

Her cousin idly stirred her tea. “I will tell you what I know, Thea, but I meant it when I said I probably do not know much more than you do. Void, Nathaniel might know more than I do, since his father was quite a bit more involved with court politics than mom or dad was.”

“Which is why I think you know _exactly_ why I am not asking him,” Thea replied quietly.

“Yes,” Cat agreed, “and I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Let’s see… Loghain Mac Tir was not born to his title. He was the son of a farmer, out in the countryside in the western Bannorn. If I remember correctly, his mother was killed by an Orlesian commander during the occupation, although I cannot recall if this was before or after they lost the farm for refusing to pay the “taxes” the Orlesians had levied. He met Maric and the rebels sometime after that, and was quickly recognized as a brilliant military strategist and tactician, even at that young age. After a decisive battle at the River Dane, the war was largely declared in favor of Ferelden. Loghain was granted the teyrnir of Gwaren by the newly recognized King Maric as thanks for his service to king and crown. There were rumors that Rowan Guerrin… no, I won’t waste your time with gossip,” Cat shook her head.

“You might as well,” Thea prodded.

Her cousin sighed. “Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. There were, from what mom has told me, some pretty vicious rumors that Loghain and Rowan Guerrin were involved before she married Maric. Some even said that they were in love, and the only reason she agreed to the marriage was because Loghain insisted that Ferelden needed a strong queen to see it through the rebuilding. Whatever else may have happened, I know that he married Celia shortly thereafter. They had Anora when they were still very young and, despite whatever the rumors were, Loghain was in Denerim more often than he was home in Gwaren. That is why Celia insisted he start taking Anora with him, and how she grew up learning to govern at her father’s knee.”

“Yes,” Thea laughed, “I can see that, actually.”

“She certainly seems to have inherited her father’s determination,” Cat agreed with a quiet smile. “I am not certain if I ever met Teyrna Celia. She died when Anora was in her early twenties, shortly after she married Cailan, I believe. Obviously, Loghain never remarried. I am not certain if he has even been in a relationship since then.” She eyed Thea over the edge of her tea cup, but Thea was doing her best to ignore it.

“In broader strokes, I know that he was considered Maric Theirin’s best friend, and he was fiercely loyal to the king,” Cat continued. “And, by all accounts, he is even more devoted to his daughter, which is no small feat. He has a reputation for being cold and aloof, but with a keen intelligence and a brilliant mind for military strategy. He is possessed of a single-minded determination, which can be both an asset and a flaw. Having lived through the occupation, his attitudes towards Orlais are prejudiced, to say the absolute least. That being said…” Cataline paused, then finished by saying, “If we _are_ going to war? I am glad he is on our side.”

Thea sat and tried to process everything she had just been told. “You know, Catkin,” she commented, “for someone who claims she did not know anything, you seem to have been able to tell me quite a bit.”

Cat gave a small delicate shrug. “I have told you what I know Thea, but for whatever it is worth, I would also say that whoever he _was_ is not as important as who he _is_. I know you, Thea. You would not be asking me any of this if it did not mean something to you. So what _does_ it mean?”

“I am not certain if it means anything, Cataline,” she answered slowly. “I… I enjoy talking with him. I enjoy spending time with him. And I am not convinced that the man I know is the same man that the better part of Ferelden still looks at as a traitor and coward.”

They stood and put their cups in the dish bin by the counter, then began a slow walk back to the office, both lost in their own thoughts. When they arrived at the top floor, Cat paused outside of her office and wrapped Thea in an impromptu hug.

“Listen, Thea,” she spoke in a low voice. “No matter what you decide, and no matter where this goes… if it goes anywhere… you know that Nate and I will support you, one hundred percent. We love you, and we want you to be happy.”

Thea smiled and pressed a kiss to Cat’s cheek. “Thank you, Catkin. I appreciate it. But,” she turned towards her own door, trying to suppress the feelings in her heart.

“It is probably nothing at all.”  



	5. I Have Hours, Only Lonely

_But my dreams they aren't as empty_   
_As my conscience seems to be_   
_I have hours, only lonely_   
_My love is vengeance_   
_That's never free._

-“Behind Blue Eyes” by The Who

 

* * *

 

 

If pressed, Loghain was not certain he could explain why he loved old maps, or when he had developed his passion for them. Framed copies of particularly interesting or rare ones lined his office back at home in Gwaren, and Anora had managed to track down a few that he did not already have and had made sure to have them hung up in his Denerim office as well. A concession to try and make the space feel a little more like it had five years ago, instead of somewhere he clearly did not belong.

He still felt like a stranger here, but it had become more tolerable in recent weeks. Over the past month, Anora seemed to find countless reasons to summon Theadosia to the palace and, despite the fact that he knew the other woman must have been busy with her real job, she always seemed to make the time to see to whatever policy question or trivial task Anora provided when she arrived. Loghain pointed out that most of the work his daughter was passing on to Theadosia could easily be handled over email or, Maker forbid, by him, but Anora had simply smiled and said that she preferred speaking with her friend face to face. He found it difficult to argue with her logic.

Theadosia was, he had to admit, a wonderful conversationalist. Usually, after she had assisted Anora, she found her way to his office. The first few times, she had knocked, but after that he had begun leaving his door open on days he knew she would be there. Theadosia would stand in the doorway, her hip and shoulder balanced against the frame and a half smile playing across her lips as she asked if he had a moment to discuss the latest passages she had read in the book he had given her. ‘A moment’ inevitably turned into hours, and he found he was always a little disappointed when she would sigh and say she had to leave. The only thing that made it a little easier was that she did not seem any more eager to leave than he was to see her go.

It had been years since Loghain had been able to talk to anyone. The fact that Theadosia was a distractingly beautiful woman was irrelevant: she was bright and clever and thoughtful, and he genuinely enjoyed their conversations, even when they devolved into spirited arguments that resulted in palace staff rushing into the room in response to the noise. There would be apologies that he knew neither of them meant, and halfhearted promises to keep it down which would inevitably be broken the next time he had the audacity to suggest that Empress Theadosia I would have been better served by re-marrying after her first husband died, or that she should never have attempted to slog through the Nahashin Marshes in the winter.

Half the time, he knew perfectly well that he was wrong. He just enjoyed watching her make her case so passionately, eyes sparkling and her tone infused with certainty. He also suspected that she _knew_ he was egging her on, and that she purposely gave him opportunities to do so. It had become a game they played, and he did not dislike it.

Loghain shook his head with a sigh. He wondered how long these visits would last before Theadosia grew bored. From what he understood, it was a common problem with her. And yet, Anora insisted that her friend had rarely expressed interest in a person, and certainly not like she seemed to have in him. For whatever reason, it seemed Theadosia found him worth her time, and he found he could not quite bring himself to be even a little annoyed that this made him feel better about his general situation.

He glanced down at the map he had pulled from the wall: an antique rendering of southern Thedas that had been drawn back when all maps were hand inked and painstakingly copied before being distributed. Examples like this had once been a rarity: because it took so long to produce them, they were only given to monarchs and other high ranking officials. Less elaborate versions were provided to generals and ambassadors, but even those were not in large supply. They may not have the same relevance they once did, but Loghain still considered them objects of value.

_Perhaps I relate too well_.

His fingers traced the borders of Ferelden as they existed hundreds of years ago. Somehow, he was able to draw strength from the knowledge that his homeland had come so far. And if nothing else, no one could argue that Loghain Mac Tir was a son of Ferelden, born and bred. His country had gone through the void and back more than once, and every time they had come out stronger for it. He wondered if he could say the same for himself. At least Ferelden remained free. After the horrors of the occupation, he would never lie down and allow an Orlesian to sit on the throne of Ferelden again.

Yet for the moment, things with their western neighbor seemed quiet. Even after the initial flurry of troop movements, there had been no indication that Orlais was planning a new foray into Ferelden. Anora remained wary, as well she should, and Theadosia had mentioned in passing that her company was looking into it as well from a trade perspective, but if anything had come of it she had not told him. Loghain was still concerned that his presence in Denerim was going to serve as more of a distraction than an asset to Anora at a time when she decidedly did not need more headaches, but she had insisted that she needed him there. The last time he had made the suggestion that he return to Gwaren full time, she had called in Theadosia and asked _her_ opinion. The other woman had given him a look he could not quite decipher and informed Anora that, while she could not possibly presume to dictate how the Teyrn spent his time, she also could not in good conscious advise his leaving.

Loghain had not brought up the possibility again.

“Exalted Age, yes?”

He had been so lost in his thoughts that he had not heard Theadosia enter the room. He glanced at his calendar; Anora had not mentioned that she was asking her to come in, which was unusual. “Yes,” he nodded. “How did you know?”

She gave him the small half smile she favored. “The ink, see?” She pointed at a particularly vibrant shade of crimson. “That has to be one of my absolute favorite colors in the entire world, and it does not exist any more. The lizard whose venom was used to make the dye went extinct around the middle of the Exalted Age. And it could not possibly be any earlier, because Chateau Haine is penned in as Fortress Haine, which did not occur until… what… 5:21 Exalted?” She came and stood beside his chair.  

“I did not realize you appreciated old maps,” Loghain shifted the frame so that she could see it better.

“I appreciate many things that you may not be aware of,” she laughed softly, glancing at him. “But yes, I love old maps. Historian, remember? You can learn a lot from them beyond simply where you are going. For example, I can tell you this map was drawn by an Orlesian cartographer.”

“Oh?” He asked, leaning back and folding his arms over his chest as she studied the map thoughtfully, and he tried to ignore the fact that she was now close enough that he could smell the subtle scent of lavender that she wore.

“Mmhmm,” she nodded. “Look at the borders of Nevarra: this was about the time the Van Markham line established themselves on the throne there, and King Tylus had a pension for reminding the Orlesians that Nevarra was a sovereign nation that was not inclined to allow the empire to expand their reach. On this map, however, Orlais is seen encroaching on Nevarran territory, which means that this map was most likely drawn to curry favor with the powers that be in that nation.”

“Typical,” Loghain grumbled.

“Yes,” Theadosia agreed, “and you should have seen some of the atrocious things Fereldan cartographers did.”

“What?” He leaned forward again to examine the parchment. “I hardly think our people would stoop to such childish…” Then he sighed, remembering his former son-in-law. “Actually…”

Theadosia gave him a small smile. “It was a common practice. For their part, Fereldan artists tended to purposely misspell every other word on the Orlesian side of the map out of pure spite, I think.” Her fingers carefully traced the silhouette of a river, her touch brushing lightly over his hand as she went. When he tensed slightly, her smile widened a bit.

“Oh, don’t be like that,” she laughed softly. She shifted such that she was leaning back against his desk so that she could face him, although her hand remained resting on his. “I promise, I’m not diseased. I can bring you a doctor’s note, if that would make you feel better.”

_Maker, don’t do this… this can’t end well._

His hand wrapped around her smaller one, and he could feel the steady beat of her pulse quicken in her wrist, although her face betrayed nothing. “No, Theadosia,” he replied quietly. “I trust you.”

That _did_ make her expression flicker ever so slightly, and for a moment, she smiled. “I trust you, too, Loghain Mac Tir. Possibly against my better judgement.”

“Oh, _definitely_ against your better judgement,” he agreed, but still he held her hand in his, running his thumb over her knuckles. “But I will endeavor to be worthy of it.”

“I look forward to it.”

“So,” Loghain sat back in his chair. “As reluctant as I am to question your presence, I assume you came at Anora’s behest? She did not mention you were coming by.”

She quirked an eyebrow in his direction, a familiar spark in her eyes. “Does she always tell you when I plan on coming here?”

“Not _always_ ,” he lied.

“And how do you know I did not just come here to bother you?”

He squeezed her hand carefully. “Then I would have to inform you that you have utterly failed, as you have never once bothered me by your presence.” _What am I doing?_

“Well, in this case, you are only half right,” she held her head up with such grace that she would have made the Orlesians proud. “I am here to see Anora, and no, it was not planned. We closed a major trade deal with Nevarra this afternoon and I need to run over the particulars with her before the state dinner with King Markus tomorrow night.” 

“Damn it, I forgot about that,” Loghain sighed, already trying to think of an excuse to not make an appearance. “However, I am still fairly certain that would make me _completely_ correct. Not half correct.”

Theadosia gave another small breath of laughter. “My appointment with Anora was not until 4:30. I left work early so I could come and, yes, bother you.”

“…Oh,” he replied. He was not entirely certain how to respond to that; it had been many, _many_ years since someone had actually made an effort to take the time to speak with him. Who _wanted_ to speak with him; to spend time with him. She looked at him, head tilted slightly to the side as though she were waiting for him to say something. “I… thank you. I appreciate the thought.”

“Mmm.” She hummed in acceptance as she stood and, with what he could almost mistake for reluctance, slipped her hand from his. “I believe I have wasted enough of your time for now, Loghain.”

“I do not consider it time wasted,” he corrected. “I consider formal dinners for foreign heads of state to be an _absolute_ waste of my time, but discussing antique maps with a woman who,” he paused, weighing his words carefully before he continued, “Who I sincerely hope I might consider a friend is a much more acceptable pastime.”

“Well,” Theadosia hesitated at the door, then looked back with a small smile. “As your friend, I will talk to your daughter; see what I can do. I imagine that there must be _something_ more productive for you to be doing tomorrow evening.”

He chuckled quietly. “Yes, well, let me know if you come up with anything.”

“Oh, I’ve come up with several _much_ more interesting possibilities.” The tone in her voice sent a shock through his body, and he found he had to take a breath before he could meet her eyes. “For the moment, however, I think I will try to keep my suggestions a bit more… subtle.” She shot him one last lingering glance before she slipped out of the room, her hips swaying ever so slightly under her skirt and pushing his imagination past the borders of acceptable thought.

_What in the void am I doing?_

 


	6. Waiting to See Your Convictions

_Keeping all the suffering within_  
_Let me be the one to hold you_  
_Trying hard, remaining hopeful_  
_Making sure your heart is free of sin._

 

-“Dancing in a Hurricane” by Epica

 

* * *

 

 

“Alright, are we going to talk about it, or are you going to keep missing shots you should be able to hit in your sleep?”

Thea spun around and glared at Nathaniel. Had anyone else spoken to her like that, they very likely would have been at the receiving end of a long string of swears and admonitions, but he wasn’t afraid of her. It was a problem, actually: having a best friend who could read her better than she could herself at times. And she loved him for it.

“I do not have the slightest idea what you are referring to,” she responded, playing out the act as she knew he expected her to as she drew back her arrow before sending it flying down range. _Damn_. He was right: she was off. She had been for weeks.

“Ok,” he shrugged. “When you’re ready to tell me what’s going on, you know I’ll listen.”

“ _Why_ do you have to be so damn reasonable all the time?” She sighed, setting her bow aside and angrily pulling the practice arrows out of the targets they’d set up in her backyard.

“One of us has to be, and I think it is my turn this week because we traded a week back at Satinalia when I wanted to be wildly irresponsible and run away with Cat up to the mountains for a week.” He gave her a small smile, accepting a stack of arrows and piling them neatly in their dedicated box by the back steps. Without having to ask, he ducked into the kitchen long enough to grab a couple of beers from the fridge before sitting beside her on the porch swing and handing one over.

“You’re going to laugh at me.”

“I would never,” he assured her.

“You would too!” She poked him in the arm. “Remember when I got chased by that goose that was trying to murder me?”

“You _did_ kind of start it. Why did you threaten it with a cutlass? You don’t even _own_ a cutlass.”

“The goose didn’t know that,” Thea protested.

“And you are avoiding the subject.”

“I don’t suppose distracting you with cake would work?” She asked, her tone somewhere between resigned and hopeful.

He chuckled softly. “Yes, Cataline told me you tried that on her too. And no. I will not be distracted by cake.”

“You two really tell each other everything, don’t you?” Thea could not help but be slightly envious.

“We do,” he nodded. “Which is why it is convenient that you are our best friend. We know that whatever you tell one of us, the other will hear sooner or later.”

“Well I am _so_ glad I am not putting anyone out,” she grumbled, prompting another laugh from Nathaniel.

“Thea, you know we love you. And we will _still_ love you no matter what.”

They sat quietly for a moment, looking out over her yard to where it sloped down past the dunes to the sea. The air was warm, and heavy with the scents of spring blossoms. They were still a few months out from the more oppressive heat of summer, but for some reason Thea felt her cheeks growing warm.

“You already know what I am going to say,” she finally conceded. “So let me ask _you_ something: why are we friends? Why do you put up with me?”

“First of all, I would not call it ‘putting up with you,’” Nathaniel wrapped an arm around her shoulder and she leaned against him with a sigh. “As for why we are friends… we have always been friends, or at least it feels that way sometimes. Ever since I gave you Teddy back on your ninth birthday. I think we recognized something in each other, even though you were four years younger than me and I was still clinging to some hope that my father was redeemable.”

Longer than he should have, Thea thought grimly, but she understood why. “But what was it? What made you decide to take a chance on a stubborn little redhead who had no sense of self-preservation and a knack for poking at things she shouldn’t?”

He shrugged. “Because I never felt like I had to be anything other than myself around you, Thea. You appreciated my sense of humor, and you could carry on an intelligent conversation, and you always stood by my side, no matter what. Even when I ran away for all those years, you still managed to forgive me when I came home.”

“I very nearly didn’t,” she reminded him quietly. “You broke me, and you broke Cat.”

“I know,” he nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I am luckier than I have any right to be, to have two such incredible women still in my life after I made such a mess of it.”

“Oh, you _so_ are,” Thea laughed. “But you know damn well I can’t stay mad at you, and Cat has been in love with you nearly as long as I can remember. And…” she stopped short, and Nathaniel waited patiently as she struggled to speak the next words. “And sometimes, I am impossibly envious of what you have together.”

Nathaniel hugged her a little closer. “Remember that luck I was talking about earlier?” She nodded. “Do you have any idea how many things had to go right for Cat and I to end up together? I had to make the decision to come home, first of all. Then, I had to run into you first so that I lost my shit with you instead of her, because you were the one who would put me back in my place instead of running. Cat still had to have feelings for me after all that time, and we had to have you pulling whatever strings you pulled to remind us that we belonged together.”

Thea sighed. “So you have maker-blessed luck. Your point?”

“My point,” he replied, “is that I think maybe things are finally starting to fall into place for you. What did you tell me once? That you and I, we are all storms and sharp edges. I needed someone to balance that, and I found it in Cataline. But I have always suspected that you would need someone who would embrace it. And maybe you have found that person.”

“And maybe,” she countered, “it is nothing. Maybe I just want something physical, and he is willing to entertain that idea.”

Her friend shrugged again. “Maybe. _Is_ that what you want?”

_What_ do _I want?_

“I don’t know,” she finally admitted. “I- Loghain is the only other person who can match me, word for word. We can talk for hours, and even when we are arguing I don’t feel like I am being attacked or made to feel stupid. He does not talk down to me; he treats me like an equal. Do you know how often I had to fight for that when I was in university?”

“You might have mentioned it,” he chuckled. They both knew it was one of her favorite soap boxes to stand on.

“I know that I have a reputation for my temper running hot and my words cold, and I will admit I have done very little to counter that reputation, as it has proven useful.” Thea was not certain if she was speaking to Nathaniel, or simply thinking out loud. “People see me, and they see something to be feared. Admired, maybe, on my better days. Sometimes, I can almost pretend that I am something to be desired. But they are only seeing what I have allowed them to see, and there are very few people who I have allowed to see _me_.”

“I think the same could be said of most people,” Nathaniel suggested, “but… yes. You do tend to keep people at arm’s length. They see you, and they see a storm. Beautiful, but dangerous and unpredictable. I know better, and Cat knows better. So do Dorian and Bull and Thom and Sera. With the rest of the world, you put up a wall. Void,” he amended, “I would argue you put up a barbed wire fence.”

“Can you blame me?” She whispered.

“Oh Teddy girl,” he sighed. “No. Not really. But do you think this time it might be worth it to try?”

Thea swallowed against the lump in her throat. “I think I already have. He… he held my hand, Nate. A few weeks ago, when I was at the palace, I was talking about maps with him and…” She huffed in frustration. “I have no idea what I am doing. I can’t seem to decide if I just want to sleep with him or pretend that there could ever be something more there.”

“Thea, you already know the answer to that question. If you are wanting someone to validate it, then here: I am telling you that I can see you are feeling something more than just a desire to jump into bed with him.”

“I _hate_ feelings,” she grumbled.

She could practically hear him rolling his eyes. “So you keep saying, Teddy girl, but you know that does not work on me. Try again.”

“Would you hate it if I considered this? Am I an idiot for thinking that this could happen? I mean, I’m…” She chose her next words carefully. “I am not certain that I have much to offer anyone, let alone him. You know better than anyone how very, very broken I am, Nate.”

“Well, I would say that the fact that you are not treating him like a monster is a good first step,” he retorted drily. “And he seems to respect the fact that he doesn’t intimidate you. I would argue that you are a brilliant, beautiful, and talented woman, and he would be damned lucky to have you.”

Thea smiled despite herself. “You have to say that,” she protested. “You’re my best friend.”

“You’re right, I am,” he agreed. “But that does not make any of that less true. What do _you_ like about him?”

Thea thought for a moment. “He is… definitely not bad to look at,” she finally admitted begrudgingly. “And like I said, I like that he challenges me instead of patronizing me. He bites back, as it were. And there is a kindness there, that I think most people do not see. He is not the cold, calculating, detached monster that his reputation paints him as.”

“Sounds familiar,” Nathaniel observed quietly. “Maybe something you could relate to?”

“Maybe,” she agreed.

“You’re afraid. You’re afraid of losing part of yourself, and you’re afraid of getting hurt, and you’re afraid of letting yourself have something that is _yours_ ; something that makes you happy.”

“Yes,” she retorted irritably, “and I’m afraid of giraffes, geese, and giant squid.”

“Can’t do anything about the giant squid, and geese are just assholes but it would help if you stopped antagonizing them,” he laughed, “and the giraffes… well, you may have a fair point there given your history, so maybe just give them a wide berth. But you are missing my point. My point is that yes, there is always the possibility that you will get hurt. I am not going to do you the disservice of lying and telling you otherwise, but there is also the possibility that maybe you could both help each other find some happiness that you both want, even if you refuse to admit it.”

Thea sat quietly for a moment, her head resting against her friend’s shoulder as she tried to find the words she wanted to say. “Nate… let’s entertain the completely absurd idea that I decide that I want… _something_ … with him. What if he doesn’t want _me_?”

Nathaniel sighed. “Then he is an idiot, and you and Cat had better plan on bailing me out of prison, because if he breaks your heart I am going to have to beat him within an inch of his life, and I have no desire to end up cell neighbors with my father in the Denerim dungeons.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “I love you, Nate, you know that right?”

“I know, Teddy,” he brushed a kiss to her head before standing and helping her up. “I love you too. Come on. You can help me figure out what I’m making for dinner; I promised Cat I would have something ready before she came home, but I _may_ have neglected to actually come up with any ideas.”

“Spaghetti?” She shrugged.

“Oh no,” he teased her, “I remember what happened last time we let you cook spaghetti. We had leftover noodles for three weeks.”

She rolled her eyes, then followed her friend down the path that lead from her house to the one he shared with Cataline in the east woods.

Whatever else happened, it was comforting to know that they were by her side.

 

 


	7. No One Like You

_It wasn't easy to leave you alone_   
_It's getting harder each time that I go_   
_If I had the choice, I would stay._

 

-“No One Like You” by The Scorpions

 

* * *

 

 

Anora was fairly adept at keeping her emotions under control. It had come from years of practice; Loghain still remembered bringing her to court with him when she was just a young girl, giving her stern instructions to sit quietly and wait patiently while he and Maric worked. He knew, even then, that she had been constantly watching and observing, absorbing all the information she could and preparing herself for the day when she would be the one making the decisions that affected the entire nation.

But she had still been a little girl, and at the time, he had not been above bribing her with her favorite cookies when he knew the meetings would run particularly long. Unfortunately, he suspected that cookies would do little to make her feel better under present circumstances.

He’d brought them anyways.

His daughter smiled when he handed them over, along with a glass of milk. “I don’t even want to know what you told the kitchen staff,” she laughed. “But thank you. This is exactly what I needed.”

“I had hoped it would make you smile, at least,” he acknowledged, sitting down on the other side of her desk. “You have been anxious all week.”

“Is it that obvious?” She frowned, offering him a cookie from the plate.

He shook his head. “No, but I know you, Anora. You only repeatedly re-organize your desk when you are worried, and I have seen no less than eight pen configurations over the past two days. Something is bothering you. So I thought I would at least offer to come and lend a sympathetic ear, if I can do nothing else.”

She sighed, sinking into her chair and leaning her head back. “I am frustrated. Orlais is doing _something_ , probably several somethings, but I have no proof that any of them are pointing towards war with _us_. In fact, all our reports indicate that all the troop movements we were picking up are actually being directed internally: the empire is staring down the barrel of a civil war.”

“Why? A disagreement over what colors will be in fashion this summer?”

Anora rolled her eyes. “Be serious, father.”

“Who ever said that I was not,” he grumbled. “You know Orlesians.”

“I do, and there are some I would even consider decent people, so I believe we will be going with my opinions at the moment,” she replied archly. “As near as we can tell, Gaspard de Chalons, Celene’s cousin, is attempting a coup. Worse, at least for the empress, he seems to have the support of the chevaliers.”

“Wonderful.”

She nodded, rubbing her forehead as if to ward off a headache. “It has not reached crisis levels. _Yet_. Gaspard’s sister, Florianne, has convinced them both to meet for peace talks. It is interesting: I have never really given Florianne much thought; she has always tended to keep to the background, but I suppose that is why she is the ideal person to try and negotiate a peace between her brother and her cousin. They will be holding a ball at the empress’s estate in Halamshiral. We will inevitably need to send someone, but I am waiting to see who else plans on attending before I make a decision.”

“Of course,” Loghain shook his head in disgust. “Their country is on the brink of a civil war, and the Orlesians are going to throw a damn party. Very practical.”

Anora shot him a look, and he sighed. “Yes, yes, I know. I’m one to talk. But I understand your concern: I may not have much use for Celene, but she is a far sight better than her Uncle Florian. I am grateful every day that you never had to live under the heel of Orlesian rule, Anora, and I am even more grateful that you did not see the atrocities they committed in the name of their emperor.”

Her expression softened slightly, and she reached out and patted his hand. “I know, father. And I know how much you had to give up to see us free. Never think that I have forgotten.”

“I know,” he sighed. “I know, Anora. But I will never trust them.”

“Nor am I asking you to. I just need someone to bounce my thoughts off of for a while, and Thea was busy, so you drew the short straw.” He tried to ignore the tiny smile that was tugging at the corners of her lips. “Although I suspect you already knew that.”

“I have no idea what you are referring to,” he replied flatly.

“Of course you don’t,” she laughed. “In any case, I am grateful that you are here.”

“I can understand your concern,” Loghain tried to steer the conversation back to anything _other_ than where Anora had been taking it. “Celene may be ruthless about keeping her throne, but she has not expressed any particular desire to resurrect her uncle’s campaigns against the rest of southern Thedas. I remain concerned about the rumors of someone blackmailing her that have been filtering out of Orlais, but she is still the preferable option. Should Gaspard prevail over his cousin, especially with the support of the chevaliers…”

“Then we could well be his next target, yes.” She nodded. “I cannot discount the possibility, as much as I would like to pretend that it could not happen. We are stronger now, than we were when they invaded last time, but war would devastate the country, even if we were able to hold off an invading force.”

“And so what do you propose to do, Anora?”

“At the moment? Nothing.” She threw up her hands in frustration. “There is nothing I _can_ do. We will send a delegation to the peace talks so that we at least have ears at the table, even if their voice will mean less than nothing in the midst of their damn Game. And I have other sources that may be able to provide more information, but for the moment, my hands are tied.”

“Yes, I was afraid of that,” he admitted. “And for whatever it is worth, I agree with your assessment: as much as I would love an excuse to antagonize the empire, you are right to be cautious. Just know that I will have to be dead in the cold hard ground before I ever allow a foreign power, _especially_ Orlais, to control Ferelden again.”

His daughter smiled. “Noted. And thank you, father. For listening, and for the cookies.”

“Of course,” Loghain nodded. Then stood and prepared to leave.

“You know, she’s not Fereldan.”

He stopped, turning back towards Anora with a slight frown. “What in the world are you referring to?”

“Thea.” Anora shrugged, her expression annoyingly innocent. “She is not Fereldan by birth. She was born in Ostwick, in the Free Marches, so technically she is a Marcher, although she has had Fereldan citizenship for years.”

“Why should it matter?” He shot back, irrationally annoyed at the observation. “She has, by your own admission, lived here since she was a child. Theadosia is half Mac Eanraig on her mother’s side, and I would challenge you to find a family more entrenched in this country than the Storm Giant and his kin. Furthermore, she was raised by Bryce and Eleanor Cousland, who, again, are about as Fereldan as they come. Theadosia may not be Fereldan by birth, but I will be damned if she is not in her heart. She belongs here just as much as you or I and…” he stopped mid-sentence when he realized Anora was barely holding back her giggles. “And _why_ are we even having this discussion?”

“Because,” she laughed, “I wanted to see how you would react, and now I have my answer.”

“ _Why_?” Loghain sighed. “Why did the Maker vex me with a daughter as devious as you? You must get it from your mother, you know that, yes?”

“I have no doubt I get it from you as well, father. Pretend all you like, but ask anyone else and they will tell me that I am undeniably _your_ daughter.” Anora wiped a tear of mirth from her eye before she looked at him, her expression growing thoughtful. “I think mother would have liked her, you know,” she spoke quietly. “And I know she would want you to be happy.”

“Anora, I do not-”

She shook her head. “No, do not try and deny it. You think I haven’t seen the way your eyes light up every time I tell you she’s going to be here? That I haven’t noticed the hours the two of you spend talking together? The fact that, for the first time in years, you have actually almost _smiled?_ For that matter, father, I have not seen Thea this happy in… well, actually, I am not certain if I have ever seen Thea this happy. And as for you, well.” Anora shrugged. “It has been a very, very long time. Thea is a lovely woman, and I happen to adore her. She is intelligent, clever, beautiful, has a lovely singing voice… and even though she will deny it, she has a kind heart, and is fiercely loyal to the people she loves. You would be hard pressed to find a better woman, and I think that if you feel about her the way I think you do, you should say something.”

He was quiet for a moment, trying to organize his thoughts and failing spectacularly. “You are remarkably calm about the idea,” he finally managed.

Anora shrugged. “You are both adults, and I love you both. And I have always known that Thea was going to need someone who was going to rise to her level rather than put her up on a pedestal, and you needed someone who was not going to be intimidated by you, _or_ your past. She is neither.”

“It is probably nothing, you know.”

“That is always a possibility,” she nodded slowly. “But I think we both know that is unlikely. And what if it turns out to be _something_? Is it so hard to believe that perhaps you could be happy again?”

Loghain was honestly not certain how to respond to that. After Celia had died, he had resigned himself to the fact that, though the Maker had seen fit to bless him twice with women that he had loved, he had also deigned to steal them away in the cruelest ways possible. He was not sure that he dared to hope that perhaps he would be allowed to care about Theadosia, or that even if he did, she would feel the same way, or that he might be given the opportunity to hold on to her.

“I… will consider what you have said.” He finally conceded, turning back towards the door. “Thank you, Anora.”

His daughter smiled.

“Any time.”

 


	8. A Spark to Ignite

_I've got the scars from tomorrow and I wish you could see_   
_That you’re the antidote to everything except for me_   
_A constellation of tears on your lashes_   
_Burn everything you love, then burn the ashes._

-“My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark” by Fallout Boy

 

* * *

 

 

“Thea, I did it!”

Thea looked up from the trade negotiations she had been editing in time to see Josephine step into her office with slightly more exuberance than she normally did. The woman had been working almost non-stop trying to find them some way to gain a foothold in the world of Orlesian politics so that they could try to figure out what in the void was going on in the empire. Josephine was followed by Cataline, who was wearing the serene smile that usually meant Thea was about to have to do something she did not want to do.

“Alright Josie,” Thea gestured to the chairs in front of her desk with a sigh of resignation. “Let’s hear it. Do I have to give Orlais my firstborn child? Because they’ll be waiting a while. Or do we just need to sacrifice a virgin? May be tricky to find, but I could probably make some calls.”

Josephine raised her brows and closed her eyes, long since accustomed to Thea’s sarcasm. “Nothing so drastic, Thea. Although, you _will_ need to speak with Vivienne, see about a new dress...”

She did not bother trying to hide a long groan. “ _No_. Absolutely not! Cat can go. _You_ can go, Josie. Literally anyone else can go but please please _please_ do not make me go.”

“Oh stop being so melodramatic,” Cat rolled her eyes. “Theadosia Livia Trevelyan, you are going! This is exactly the sort of responsibility we are supposed to be taking on now that mom and dad have handed us the business. The peace talks in Halamshiral are a significant trade event; no matter what happens, we will be affected and, if we can, we need to add our voice to those supporting Celene. Gaspard’s rule would be an unmitigated disaster for our business and for our country.”

“I do not disagree,” Thea countered, her chin tilting up in defiance. “However, I fail to see why _I_ should go when your presence would be just as compelling. Perhaps even more so, since you do not have a reputation as a temperamental shrew.”

“Yes, that’s why we had to field all those requests for ‘personal’ meetings with Ms. Trevelyan after our last conference with the Orlesian reps,” Cataline smiled sweetly. “They all must just think you’re a _horrible_ shrew.”

“Mmm, that rep for the silk weaver’s guild _was_ gorgeous,” Thea conceded. “Too bad she was married.”

“In any case,” Cat continued, “I never said that I would not be going. Nathaniel and I will both be in attendance, as will Josephine. Iron Bull will be our security detail since I promised Cullen he would never have to go to one of these things again, and as far as I know Bull is bringing Dorian. You will not have to do this alone, Thea.”

Thea sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Ok, but you still have not explained why I need to be there in the first place. It kind of sounds like you have a pretty impressive delegation set up already. I would feel superfluous.”

“Because, Thea, you play their game better than anyone else here, except maybe Josephine, and your name and position carry weight. Having us both there indicates that we take this seriously. Normally, I would hesitate to make them feel any more important than they manage to do on their own, but if we are really standing on the brink of a major power shift, then we do not have much in the way of a choice.” Cataline leaned back and crossed her arms, and Thea knew the battle was already lost. “You also speak their language, literally, and you know how much it annoys them when they cannot make their snide comments about the backwater Fereldans without someone throwing it back in their face. Which I _know_ you excel at.”

“Just because I can play their game, Cat, does not mean I enjoy it,” Thea was annoyed to hear the slight plea in her voice. “And you know I do not do well in crowded spaces. Just how packed is this thing supposed to be?”

“No idea,” she shrugged. “Considering how difficult it was for Josephine to even get us an invitation, I would guess it is going to be fairly exclusive. You might ask Anora, since she has to send a delegation as well. She actually called specifically to ask if you would be going-”

“Wait,” Thea frowned slightly, peering at her cousin, “I was just there two days ago. Why didn’t she just ask me?” Cataline’s lips twitched ever so slightly in amusement, which was all the answer Thea needed. She stood and grabbed her handbag and strode out the door. “Shit. Alright, lock my office when you leave, ladies.”

“Where are you going?” Josephine called after her, confusion lacing her question.

“Yes, Thea,” Cat giggled, “where are you going?”

“ _Where do you think?_ ”

 

* * *

 

 

“Absolutely not.”

Thea arrived at Anora’s office just in time to catch the argument she had already strongly suspected would be taking place. She didn’t bother knocking: instead, she quietly opened the door and stepped inside, leaning against the wall and waiting for Loghain to finish his objections.

“Anora, I _hate_ Orlais. I have no use for most Orlesians. And I _truly_ hate their damn formal events. If you had told me that I would be required to play pretend as an ambassador when you called me back, I would have stayed in Gwaren.”

“Perhaps,” Anora shrugged. “But as it stands, you did come back, and as your sovereign queen I am instructing you to do this. As your daughter, I am asking you to.”

“Anora-”

“It is not up for discussion,” she replied in her best commanding voice. “I want someone there I can trust, and who better to throw them off their perfectly groomed high horses than the man who was responsible for kicking them out of Ferelden?”

“Yes, me and a few thousand other soldiers,” Loghain grumbled. “Do you plan on sending me with the entire Ferelden army?”

“It might not be a terrible idea, if only to keep me from losing my marmalade and beating the entire Orlesian court with a stick,” Thea finally spoke up, resisting the urge to smile at how quickly Loghain turned to face her when he heard her voice. “Nora, there is absolutely no point in sending your father. I have been informed that my attendance is mandatory, and you know I would be more than happy to prepare you a full report when I come back.”

“And I have no doubt that whatever you give me will be far more entertaining than what I receive from my people,” Anora rested her chin on her hands. “However, _you_ are not a representative of the crown; not officially, despite my best efforts to the contrary.”

Thea raised her brow at her friend. “I am ‘officially’ going to be there anyways. You know how they are: they can’t tell any of us Fereldan turnips apart. There is absolutely no point in us both having to be miserable when I can manage that just fine on my own. I’ve even promised Cat and Josephine not to bite anyone.”

Loghain made a sound that may have almost been a laugh, but Anora just shrugged. “Regardless. I will not have the crown go unrepresented at these talks. I have made my decision. Although, I do admit I am pleased you will be there as well. Perhaps the two of you can manage to keep each other out of trouble.” Her father stood and stalked out of the room, glancing briefly in Thea’s direction as he passed and, with an almost imperceptible inclination of his head, invited her to follow him.

“As you will, Anora,” Thea sighed by way of farewell, then turned to leave.

“Thea?”

“Yes, Nora?” She looked back to see her friend tapping a pen against her desk thoughtfully.

“What will you wear? To the talks?”

Thea shrugged. “Whatever Viv can get ready on a short notice, I suppose. There was the black dress with the poppy print that she designed for the last formal event I managed to weasel out of, so maybe that?”

Anora nodded thoughtfully. “Well. Send pictures, will you? I know you love to play dress up, no matter how much you try to convince us to the contrary.”

Thea glared briefly at the other woman before slipping out of her office, ignoring Anora’s quiet laughter as she did so. Loghain was waiting for her outside the door, and neither of them spoke as they walked down the stairs and out the door into the palace gardens. It had become something between a habit and a running joke: ever since the first time she had left through the wrong door, he had accompanied her to ensure she ‘did not lose her way.’ Sometimes it took them several circuits through the gardens before she successfully found her way back to her car. This evening, she was not surprised when he stopped at the same bench he had the first time and sat with a long sigh.

“I see I am not the only one being compelled to attend this idiotic waste of time.”

She shrugged, taking a seat beside him. “I should have seen it coming. The naïve part of me had hoped that Cat and Josie would give me an out on this one, but no such luck. At least I’m getting a new dress out of it, I suppose.” Thea looked at Loghain sideways. “I’m sorry I could not convince Anora to let you out of it, either.”

This prompted another sigh, but he also shifted slightly so that his hand was resting over hers. “It is not your fault, Theadosia. I appreciate the attempt, in any case. Besides, I thought you told me you would not make a habit of apologizing to me?”

Thea tried to organize her thoughts; tried to come up with something clever, but the touch of his hand on hers was overwhelming everything else she should have been thinking of. Finally, she managed, “In this case, I feel as though it was warranted. I am usually better at talking her out of these things, but she can be stubborn. And hey,” she grinned slightly, “At least you look good in a suit.”

“ _You_ need your vision checked, woman,” he grumbled, but his fingers curled over hers, squeezing her hand gently. “Although I admit I am not sorry for the excuse to spend an evening with you. Even if it has to be in Orlais. With Orlesians.”

“Yes, I’m afraid Orlais _does_ tend to have quite a few of those.” Loghain rolled his eyes, but she just laughed. “And how do you know you will be able to find any time to spend with me? Feared war hero or no, I suspect you will be beating away admirers with a stick. Probably _because_ you are the dreaded Hero of River Dane.”

“Oh don’t even _say_ that,” he replied, slightly aghast. “You do not really think that will happen, do you?”

She shrugged. “It’s possible. The last time we took Cullen to one of these things we were inundated with a deluge of correspondence from ‘interested parties’ regarding his marital status and his family history, and the poor man just about had a panic attack at the ball himself. Neither of us does very well in crowded spaces, and he had women _and_ a few men pawing at him all evening. I put my foot down after that one: he will never have to go again, I promised. However, _you_ cannot discount the possibility that they will decide to bother you instead.” _But they had better fucking not_ , she thought to herself, uncertain as to why the idea aggravated her so much.

“Exactly why are _you_ so averse to going?” He inquired. “I should think you would enjoy poking at them for sport.”

“There is no sport in trying to horrify Orlesians,” she smiled slightly. “No challenge. Which is why I will probably spend the evening trying to horrify you instead. It requires so much more skill.”

“I imagine so, as I cannot think of a scenario in which you would horrify me,” he raised an eyebrow at her, and she could almost swear he almost smiled.

“Then you simply lack imagination,” Thea’s own smile broadened slightly. “Don’t worry: I will do my best to come up with something in the interim. No point worrying about it yet, though. It will be what it will be. And yes, it will probably be miserable.” They stood, and, after a moment’s hesitation, she reached out and took his other hand in hers and faced him, trying to give find the words to give him some sort of reassurance.

Instead, she only managed, “At least this time, I won’t be miserable alone.”

 

 


	9. Fire in Her Soul

_Like a gift from the heavens, it was easy to tell,_   
_It was love from above, that could save me from hell,_   
_She had fire in her soul it was easy to see,_   
_How the devil himself could be pulled out of me._

-“Into the Night” by Santana

 

* * *

 

 

_Well,_ Loghain thought grimly to himself, _she got the ‘miserable’ part right, anyways._

He had honestly not thought he could be more uncomfortable than he had been at Theadosia’s birthday party, but of course Orlais had proven him horribly, horribly wrong. The men, for the most part, looked down their noses at him and sneered or glared, and their response was honestly the preferable one. Maker only knew Loghain was used to it, and at the least it meant they gave him a wide berth and left him blessedly alone. Unfortunately, Theadosia’s prediction that the women of the court would find him… interesting… was far too accurate. A fair number of them also turned up their noses in his presence, but there had been at least a dozen who had actually approached him for a dance or conversation and he had long since ceased caring whether or not he offended them by his flat refusals.

He supposed he should count himself lucky: according to Theadosia, the last time they had had to attend one of these inane functions they had brought their chief of security, Cullen Rutherford, and the poor man had been poked and prodded at by so many men and women that he’d developed a nasty headache that had lasted the rest of the week. Theadosia herself had intervened at that point and insisted that Cullen not be required to attend any more such events unless he chose to. And why in the void would anyone ever _choose_ to be here?

Adding to his mounting irritation was the fact that, despite her assurances that she would be there, he had yet to see Theadosia amidst the simpering and fragile looking women who had been bothering him incessantly. He had spotted her cousin Cataline with Nathaniel Howe and had briefly considered asking them if they had seen the woman, but quickly decided against it. Whatever was happening with Theadosia… if it was anything at all… he wanted to keep for himself for as long as possible. It was disconcerting enough that he found himself as out of sorts at her absence as he did.

Loghain made the mistake of glancing at his watch. It had only been twenty minutes. It felt as though it had been two hours.

“Looks like you’re about as happy to be here as Teddy Girl is,” a low voice rumbled at his side. He turned and was slightly surprised to find he actually had to look _up_ to face the speaker, a towering qunari wearing a suit that, despite being expertly tailored, still managed to look as though it were too tight. An eye patch covered one eye, but the other was looking at him with something akin to amusement.

“The Iron Bull, yes?” He asked carefully. Anora had mentioned Seawolf and Steed’s security second-in-command before, and he had been impressed with his work and that of the people he oversaw. He vaguely remembered seeing him at Theadosia’s birthday party, but that night was mostly a blur after he had met her.

“Yep,” the qunari nodded, careful not to knock his horns against the light fixture on the wall. “I know who you are, so no need for awkward introductions I’m sure you’re already tired of making. Thea’s mentioned you.”

Loghain raised a single eyebrow. “Oh?”

Bull chuckled. “Yeah, a bit.”

“And you’re not concerned about being seen in the company of the resident pariah?”

“Should I be? You ever met my husband, you would know I’ve got no problem with pariahs.” Bull shrugged. “Look, I know who you are, and I know what you did. You think you’re the only one who had to make a decision under really shitty circumstances? That you’re the only one who had to face even shittier consequences afterwards? There’s a reason I am not welcome back in my homeland, Mac Tir.”

“Oh.” Loghain was not certain how to respond. “Then… my apologies.”

“Nah, I’ve long since come to terms with what I did,” Bull leaned back against the wall. “And I would make the exact same choice all over again if I had to, every single time. I’m not saying it’s the same, I’m just saying that I get it. Plus, I trust Thea’s judgement. That woman is a better judge of character than some Ben-Hassrath agents I knew, which is saying something. So if she says you’re ok, we’re good.”

“I see,” he replied slowly. “I appreciate that, I suppose. So,” he asked, “you were Ben-Hassrath? A qunari spy?”

Bull nodded. “Yeah. Got re-assigned to Orlais a few years back after things got a little too real in Seheron. After about a year I ended up on The Storm Coast on that mission I mentioned that went tits up, and I was branded Tal Vashoth. Then, the position opened up at Seawolf and Steed, and the Couslands seemed like decent people to work for. Plus,” he chuckled, “I’ve always had a thing for redheads, and you could do a _lot_ worse than Cat and Thea.”

Loghain’s brow sunk into a scowl, prompting a more robust chortle from Bull. “Don’t worry,” he reassured him, “I know they’re off limits. Besides,” he held up his left hand and wiggled his fingers slightly. “Happily married, remember? My point stands, though,” his voice grew thoughtful. “You could do a lot worse than Thea Trevelyan. Don’t know how you did it, Mac Tir, but I think this is the first time I’ve seen that woman actually happy on a regular basis, though she’ll deny it if you try to point it out to her.”

He shifted slightly on his feet. “I doubt I had much to do with it,” he replied slowly.

“Seriously?” Bull’s good eye looked at him incredulously. “You show up at her birthday party. You say _something_ that catches her interest, and suddenly she is far more inclined to drop everything and go to the palace whenever Anora calls. And you expect us to believe that is just coincidence.”

Loghain shook his head. “I ‘expect’ that she would have absolutely no trouble finding someone her own age, not a broken shadow of a man who would only drag her down.”

“Now see, _that’s_ where you’ve got the wrong attitude,” Bull shrugged. “First of all, Thea’s old enough to make her own decisions, and she’s obviously made one about you, but you’re both too damned stubborn to admit it. Second, Thea is never going to be happy with someone who doesn’t, at least on some level, challenge her. She does not want to be treated like a princess: she wants to be treated as an equal by someone she considers _her_ equal, and you apparently fit the bill. Are you saying you aren’t interested in her? Because if you’re not, you’d better stop leading her on before one of us has to step in. We’re a bit protective of her, you know, and if she gets her heart broken, it is not going to end well.”

“I have absolutely no intention of hurting her,” Loghain shot back, anger creeping into his tone. “I would sooner hurt _myself_ than see her in pain, and all I want is for her to be happy, and-” He stopped when he realized that Bull was grinning at him. “And you are trying to poke the bear, aren’t you?”

“Someone has to move things along,” Bull’s grin widened. “Like I said: you’re both too stubborn for your own good.”

“I…” Loghain sighed, rubbing his forehead against the creeping pain of the impending headache he knew would make an appearance sooner rather than later. “I am an idiot for even considering any of this. And why exactly are _you_ trying to encourage it?”

Bull gave another low chuckle. “I’m an ex-spy, remember? I’m good at reading people, even people who do their damndest to try and hide their feelings, like you or Thea. But I figured maybe if I needled you a little bit, you would at least come to terms with it. It was either me or Dorian, and I let him deal with Thea. Wasn’t sure how well the two of you would get on at first. Course, he probably got the worse end of the bargain…”

“Yes, I cannot imagine Theadosia much cares for being poked at either,” Loghain observed drily. “Your husband is a brave man.”

“Eh. He has his moments,” Bull agreed. “But you’re right. Thea does _not_ like being ‘handled,’ so keep that in mind. Also, you will want to make damn sure you have coffee on hand in the morning, because that woman is not at her best before she has had her caffeine. Anyways,” the qunari clapped a broad hand on his shoulder, “Just think about what I said. I’d better go track down Dorian, make sure your girl didn’t kill him.” Bull threw him one last grin before sauntering away, leaving Loghain once again alone with his thoughts.

_You can’t possibly be considering this,_ he berated himself irritably. _You’re too old, and too broken, and she…_

He felt her presence at his side even before she spoke, and he did not need to look to see who it was. He recognized the subtle scent of her lavender perfume and the familiar, somehow comforting sound of her voice.

“Sorry I’m late,” Theadosia sighed. “I was waylaid by Dorian at the hotel, and then by Isolde Guerrin at the entrance to the palace, and I’ve only just now escaped. She’s Teagan’s problem now, poor man.”

“Well, you certainly have not missed anything here,” he replied archly. “Although I admit I had no idea Orlesians had so thoroughly mastered the art of sneering that they can now do it even while wearing those ridiculous masks of theirs.”

Loghain could practically feel Theadosia’s body tense up beside him. “Do I need to take care of this?” She asked, her tone low and dangerous.

“Don’t bother,” he shook his head. “They are not worth your time and, besides, now that you are finally here, I… I would rather you stay.” He glanced down, his eyes meeting hers. In a sharp contrast to the rest of the female guests, who had followed the current fashion of wearing floating gowns in pastel colors, Theadosia was wearing a sleek black dress blooming with brilliant red poppies that lay against her curves without hugging them too tightly, and her shoulders had been left bare. Her auburn hair had been woven into a series of intricate braids that wrapped around the back of her head and, although he could admire the effect, he found himself missing the way it tumbled down her back when she wore it loose. He finally tore his eyes away, looking back over the ballroom and trying to pretend that his heart had not stopped for a moment.

“You are beautiful, Theadosia.”

“Thank you,” she replied, her voice soft. “I admit, I was lucky that Vivienne was able to have her seamstresses finish the dress in time, although fortunately it was mostly already completed.”

“You misunderstand,” Loghain corrected. “I am not only saying that you are beautiful tonight, although that would certainly be true. I am simply making the observation that you are beautiful. Always.”

He chanced another glance down at her, and was irrationally pleased to see that she was actually smiling, although she was doing her best to hide it by looking at the floor. Loghain held out his hand to her.

“Dance with me.”

Theadosia laughed, shaking her head slightly, but accepted his hand in hers.

“You are going to have to stop doing that, you know,” she spoke quietly as they stepped onto the ballroom floor. He placed one arm around her waist, taking her other hand in his and trying not to think about how this was the first time he had been so close to her. He finally found the words to reply.

“Doing what, exactly?”

“Making me smile,” she looked at him, and the soft lights of the room caught the sparkle in her eyes. “I have a reputation to keep up, after all, especially here. It is in everyone’s best interest if the Orlesians continue to think I am aloof, unattainable, and utterly difficult.”

Loghain tightened his arm slightly around her waist almost unconsciously. “You may want to consider rethinking your tactics then,” he remarked.

“Oh?”

“Yes,” he nodded.

“Because I have absolutely no intention of ceasing my efforts to make you smile.”

 

 

 


	10. The Color of Insanity

_The apple now is sweet_  
_Oh much sweeter than it ought to be_  
_Another little bite_  
_I don't think there is much hope for me._

-“Devil’s Dance Floor” by Flogging Molly

 

* * *

 

_Because I have absolutely no intention of ceasing my efforts to make you smile._

Thea tried, and failed, to keep her expression neutral. Loghain was annoyingly adept at making her smile, and it was going to become problematic. Void take her, it had _already_ become problematic. And now they were dancing together, and he was too close, and she felt almost lightheaded because _damn it_ she wanted him. She took a breath to clear her thoughts.

“It is infuriating, you know,” she muttered. “All these people here; I can’t help but wonder how many of them actually give a damn about who ends up on the throne at the end of the day, or what the consequences will be.”

“And people say _I’m_ bitter,” Loghain raised an eyebrow as he looked at her.

Thea shrugged slightly. “Another charming side effect of being trained as an historian, I suppose. I see the long game. I see the possibilities that will unfold if either Celene or Gaspard take the throne, and so I see how very, very bad things can get. Void, even if Celene manages to fend off her cousin, we still don’t know who is blackmailing her, or why, or what that means for the long run. I don’t like unknowns, and I hate being in a room with this many people, and I hate having to wear shoes.”

“What?”

She leaned her head lightly against his shoulder, stealing an all too brief moment of security as he held her close before she stepped away again to a suitable distance. “Sorry. I get a bit anxious at these things: it is why I tried so hard to convince Cat that I did not need to be here.”

“Theadosia, you do not need to apologize,” Loghain replied quietly. “Not to me. You know that I am no more happy to be here than you are, although I will confess that your presence makes the ordeal somewhat more bearable. No doubt that is why Anora was so keen to ensure you would be in attendance: added incentive.”

“Hmm, yes,” Thea nodded, “I’m afraid so. I suspect that Cataline would have pulled the same trick had I not felt bound by responsibility.”

“In any case,” he spun her around before drawing her back towards him, “That is not what caught my attention. What in the world did you mean about shoes?”

Thea could not help but laugh a little. “Oh… that… it is nothing. Just me complaining, I suppose.” She winced as the pain at the back of her heels gave lie to her words, but still she managed to keep her composure. “In any case, as I said before: I am simply grateful that I did not have to be miserable alone this time.”

“I don’t know,” Loghain conceded. “I am not so miserable as I feared I would be. At least, not now that I am not being poked and prodded at by every other person wearing a dress.”

She couldn’t resist, giving him a short poke to his chest before replacing her hand at his shoulder. “There, now I’ve successfully duplicated the experience for you.” He rolled his eyes, but she could tell he was trying not to smile.

“I just wish I knew _why_ they are so intent on bothering me. I don’t blame your security chief for staying well away from this snake pit.”

“Ugh. Yes, the same thing happened the last time we brought poor Cullen. He nearly had a panic attack, which of course would have set me off, and then we would have had a nasty diplomatic incident on our hands,” Thea noted grimly. “We thought about asking him to come and just bring his girlfriend, Belle, but it wasn’t worth the risk. Bull actually enjoys messing with these people, so it worked out.”

“As for why they are bothering _you_ in particular?” She continued, trying to decide how much she really wanted to say, “A few reasons, I imagine. For one thing, you have a bit of a reputation. For better or worse, getting you into bed would be a coup for these people. Bragging rights, as it were.”

“Maker’s breath,” he sighed irritably. “Well, you may inform them that they are doomed to disappointment.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Thea reassured him, an edge creeping into her tone, “I will. In no uncertain terms.”

To her surprise, he actually laughed a bit at that. “Jealousy is an interesting look on you, Theadosia.”

She took a breath before responding. “Who said it was jealousy? Anora would kill me if I let some Orlesian harlot trick you into creating a diplomatic incident. I am not so eager to face your daughter’s wrath as you are, apparently.”

“And who said that Anora has any say whatsoever when it comes to my personal life?” Loghain asked, but there was a hint of teasing in his tone.

“You’re here, aren’t you?”

He raised his eyebrows and closed his eyes with a sigh. “Conceded. Well played, Theadosia. However, you said there were a few reasons. Give me one other, beyond their inane desire to claim me as some kind of trophy.”

Thea hesitated, then looked up so that she could meet the cool, icy calm of his eyes. “For another,” she began, trying to keep her voice steady, “did you even look in the damn mirror before you walked out this evening? I _told_ you that you looked good in a suit.” She gave him a brief appraising glance up and down his body. “I would be willing to bet that you would look damn good out of it too, and I am sure they have come to the same conclusion.”

Loghain fell silent. _Shit. Why? Why do I ever even open my damn mouth?_ Thea berated herself. She was considering stepping away from him when, to her surprise, he pulled her closer.

“What are we doing, Theadosia?” he murmured against her ear.

She tried to even out her breathing; tried to pretend that being this close to him was not driving her mad. “I don’t know, Loghain. What _are_ we doing?”

The song ended, but he held onto her for a breath longer than would have been considered necessary before they stepped away from the dance floor. She had reluctantly let go of his hand, but remained standing at his side. “I’ve done it now,” she commented, trying to ease the tension. “Once they see someone dance once, they assume they are fair game. Now I am really going to need to work at looking intimidating.”

“Yes, I imagine _you_ are going to prove quite popular,” Loghain observed. “However, perhaps… perhaps if you stay close I may frighten off most of them.”

“Hmm,” she nodded in agreement. “Good point. And perhaps if I stay close, some of the more persistent women will decide they do not want to risk ruining their pretty dresses by tempting me to use my blades.”

“You have _blades_ on you?” Loghain gazed at her askance. “Where on earth did you…”

“Don’t worry about it,” she gave him her half smile. “But you’re damn right I do. I do not trust any of these people as far as I can throw them, and if there is one thing Leliana taught me, it is that it never hurts to have a few tricks hidden up my sleeves. Or elsewhere, as need be.”

“You are a constant surprise, Theadosia,” he shook his head, but she could see that he was trying not to smile. “And to think Anora was worried about _me_.”

She shrugged. “I haven’t had to use them yet, now have I? Anyways, not the point: my point was that yes, I would like to stay. If you will not be too put out by my presence, that is.” She slipped her arm around his.

He accepted the gesture, meeting her eyes briefly. Thea could not quite tell what she saw there, but she knew that sooner or later the two of them were going to have to sit down and have a talk. “Quite the opposite,” he assured her. “Perhaps between the two of us we can keep enough people at bay that we may yet survive the night.”

“Such an optimist,” she laughed. Thea was about to say something else when they were approached by an Orlesian woman wearing an unfamiliar mask.

“Excuse me, Ms. Trevelyan?” She asked in a lilting accent. “I have been sent by Ambassador Briala. She has requested that you meet with her to discuss the talks and your thoughts on them.”

_Which means she wants to talk, she just doesn’t want us seen talking_ , Thea thought irritably, but she simply inclined her head slightly. “I would be happy to meet with the ambassador, of course, but are you certain she asked for me and not my cousin or Josephine?”

The woman nodded emphatically. “Yes, Ms. Trevelyan, she was quite insistent that it be you.”

Thea bit back a sigh of frustration. She reached out and gave Loghain’s hand a brief squeeze and looked at him apologetically. “I will be back soon, I promise,” she murmured, then followed her guide out of the ballroom and into the back halls.

And she made damn sure she knew where all of her blades were.

 

* * *

 

“Well, Ms. Trevelyan, you certainly travel in interesting company,” Briala noted dryly as Thea entered the room. “Loghain Mac Tir, of all people… not what I would have expected, although his presence is hardly a surprise.”

Thea took a seat opposite the elven woman in the delicately gilded mask. “I doubt much comes as a surprise to you, ambassador,” she replied smoothly. “Although, I must confess _I_ am a bit perplexed. While I am flattered to have been granted an audience with you, I am not entirely certain why you asked to see me instead of Cataline or Josephine. They are a bit more versed in polite politics than I am.”

“Bullshit,” Briala replied flatly. “I know you play the Game just as well as they do, and you are more likely to listen to what I am about to propose, so let’s cut the nonsense, shall we?”

Despite herself, Thea laughed. “Alright, Briala. Then why don’t we skip right to the point: why am I here, instead of out trying to defend my friend from your countrywomen?”

“Because I believe we can help each other, Theadosia,” Briala frowned slightly. “You think that I have not read between the lines? Your queen has recalled her father from exile because she believes Orlais is preparing for war, and she is not wrong. While our current concerns are domestic, should Gaspard wrest the throne from Celene I can promise you he will turn his gaze to the east. And I know that you and your cousin are here because of trade concerns, and with good reason. As much as neither of us may like to admit it, our two nations rely on our friendly trade agreements a great deal. Losing them would be disastrous, and I will freely admit that it would be worse for Orlais simply because we do not have the network Seawolf and Steed has built.”

Thea leaned back in her chair, trying to read Briala behind her mask. “So what, exactly, are you proposing?”

“My people have been working on this for months now,” Briala admitted. “Much longer than you have, I suspect, but still we have been able to glean very little. We know that Celene is being blackmailed.”

“Yes, even we Fereldan turnips came to _that_ conclusion,” Thea rolled her eyes.

Briala sniffed delicately. “ _Anyways_. Whatever is being held over her head, it is hurting her in her efforts against Gaspard. I do not believe that _either_ of us wants that brute on the throne. You and I both know that until that issue is resolved, these talks tonight are meaningless, no matter how much effort Duchess Florianne puts into them. And so I offer you this piece of information that we were able to ferret out: most of what we have been able to get our hands on is still encoded, but there is one name that seems to keep showing up.”

“And that name would be?”

Briala gave her a small smile. “That name would be _Theirin_.”

Thea sighed and sank back in her chair.

“Well. Shit.”

 


	11. Want it Too Much

_I hear you callin’ and it's needles and pins_   
_I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name_   
_Don't wanna touch you, but you're under my skin._

 

-“Poison” by Alice Cooper

 

* * *

 

 

Loghain was struggling to push back the headache that was creeping in behind his brow. The evening would not last much longer, but Theadosia still had not returned from her meeting with the Orlesian elven ambassador, and he’d had to fend off three more women asking for a dance and one asking for a duel. If he had to put up with much more, he was likely to simply throw up his hands and walk out on the whole mess, manners be damned. Fortunately, at that moment, he spotted Theadosia re-entering the ballroom, although the stormy expression on her face told him that whatever she had discussed with Briala, it had not ended well. To his relief, she came and stood back by his side, her presence scaring off yet another Orlesian who had been inching closer to him for the past fifteen minutes.

“Thank the Maker you’re back,” he muttered under his breath.

She smiled slightly, although her eyes belied her exhaustion. “Did you miss _me_ , or simply my ability to frighten off the rabble?”

He shrugged. “Who said it cannot be both?” His fingers brushed briefly against her hand, and he resisted the urge to smirk when he heard just the faintest catch in her breath at his touch. He wondered if she realized that she had the exact same effect on him. “So. What did the ambassador have to say that was so desperately important she felt the need to drag you away from the festivities?”

“Away from _you_ , you mean?” She arched a brow in his direction, a half smile playing at her lips before her expression faded back to one of concern. “Nothing we can discuss here. Too many ears, and too many lips to repeat secrets. Where are you staying?”

“The same place all the Fereldans ended up,” he relied carefully. “The Mirror Tower.”

“Good,” Theadosia nodded briefly. “I am in room 736. Give me an hour to try and undo this nonsense,” she gestured to the elaborate braids woven into her hair, “and then come see me. We can talk then.”

Loghain frowned slightly. “You are not even remotely concerned that people might get the wrong idea about me coming to your room so late in the evening?”

She laughed quietly as she walked away, then turned back towards him with that same maddening smile.

“What makes you so certain they’ll have the wrong idea?”

 

* * *

 

 

_Well there is no_ possible _way this could go badly, is there?_

Loghain stood outside the door to Thea’s room. The allotted hour had come and gone, and he’d had just enough time to go back to his own room and change and pace for a while before he had ended up here, debating whether or not putting himself in this position was an absolutely _terrible_ idea. Finally, he rapped sharply on the door.

Theadosia opened it quietly, inviting him in with a toss of her head before closing the door behind her. The dress she had worn was draped over the desk chair and had been replaced by cotton shorts and a t-shirt that covered exactly enough of her to make him very aware of how much they didn’t, and her hair hung down her back in damp waves from the shower. She held a small jar of a sweet-smelling salve in one hand.

“Hey,” she greeted him softly. “Just take a seat anywhere. I am still trying to undo the damage from tonight; it took longer for me to take out my braids than I thought it would. Bull does extremely thorough work.” When he took a seat on the sofa, she hesitated for a moment, then sat beside him at the other end. “Will it be alright if I finish tending to my ankles?”

He glanced down at her feet and was slightly alarmed to see angry red welts at the back of her ankles and at the edges of her feet, just below her toes. “Andraste’s blood, Theadosia, what happened?”

She shrugged slightly sheepishly. “Oh… you know… new shoes…”

He reached out a hand, and she obediently placed the jar in it before he gently took one of her feet in his hands and carefully started applying the salve. “Theadosia, _what_ happened?”

She was quiet for a moment, then met his eyes. “You won’t say a word to anyone else? Cat and Nate are the only other ones who know.” When he nodded, she continued. “The bones in my feet did not form correctly. You see how they are smaller and narrower than seems reasonable? It makes it nearly impossible to find shoes that fit properly. I usually have to have them special made, but sometimes even that is not a guarantee. You can probably see the scars there on the back of my ankles from times when I was too stubborn to admit I was hurting. It seems to be a habit of mine,” she remarked wryly. “Anders made me that salve, and it helps quite a bit with the pain, and it makes it less likely that the wounds will scar.”

Loghain shifted so that he could work on her other ankle. “So _that’s_ why you hate wearing shoes,” he shook his head slightly. “Anora mentioned it, but she seems to think it is just a personality quirk.”

Theadosia laughed quietly. “Well… she’s not _entirely_ wrong. I do love running around barefoot. But yes, a big part of it is that unless I’m wearing flip flops or a good pair of boots, I am running a risk of damaging myself. I’m self-destructive enough as it is; I don’t need to help it along.”

“And why, exactly, is this such a secret?” He had long since finished rubbing the salve into the welts, but her legs were still resting over his lap, and his hands were still on her calves, thumbs running slowly over the bare skin. Her head fell back against the couch, a small hum escaping her lips at his touch and making him wonder what it would be like to run his hands further up the bare stretch of her legs, over the curve of her hips and under the hem of her shirt. He wondered how her lips would feel against his, and how she would taste beneath his mouth…

Maker, he _wanted_ her. And he was not certain if he was angry with himself for it or not.

“Because,” she finally explained, drawing his attention back to her words, “I do not like appearing weak. The fact that my feet are… mutated, I guess… it is a weakness. Worse, it is a weakness I can do absolutely nothing about.”

He reached out a hand and tentatively placed it under her chin, tilting it up so that she was facing him. The defiance in her eyes made just a shade of a smile cross his lips. “Theadosia, I cannot think of anyone who would ever dare accuse you of being weak. Mutated feet or no.”

She shook her head, but he could see a tiny smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “I appreciate the thought,” she finally replied. “And thank you for helping with my ankles. You are… _very_ good with your hands.”

“I suppose I am,” Loghain looked at her, trying to read the expression in her eyes and recognizing it all too easily. He decided that, for the moment, it would be safer to change the subject. “We… Theadosia, you were going to tell me about what Briala told you during your impromptu conference. Whatever it was, you came back looking particularly stormy.”

Theadosia sighed. “We are going to have to talk about this sooner or later,” she muttered, and he knew she was not referring to her conversation with Briala. She slipped her legs off of his lap and moved to stand, but he caught her hand in his own and she sat back down beside him, closer than she had been, and laced her fingers with his.

“To be honest, I am not certain if anything useful is going to come of my little conversation with the ambassador,” she remarked drily. “Briala has a reputation for being clever and manipulative, so I suspect she knows more than she is letting on. However, I also strongly suspect she wants something, and it seems that it is not something she can acquire on her own. She needs someone with ties to Ferelden, and apparently I was the best candidate. Probably because she knows that _I_ know her game, and that I will know I have no choice but to play it. At least for the moment.”

“And why is that?” He asked.

“Because she _may_ have something useful,” Theadosia huffed in frustration. “And she dropped just enough of a breadcrumb to pique my interest without actually promising anything that would help us figure out what is going on.”

Loghain squeezed her hand gently, and she gave him a brief smile. “What was the breadcrumb that has proven so enticing, exactly?”

“Briala says that there is one name that keeps popping up in her reports, although she claims they have not been able to decode most of what they have intercepted. Which is almost certainly bullshit, but like I said, it is her game for the time being. She claims,” Theadosia looked away from him, her fingers tightening around his hand as though she were afraid he would pull away, “She claims that the name that keeps showing up is Theirin.”

He immediately felt anger boiling up in his chest. “You cannot be serious,” he growled mutinously.

Theadosia met his eyes again, and he found that somehow he felt calmer for it, despite the spark he could see there. “Unfortunately, I am dead serious,” she confirmed. “Which is exactly why I did not want to say anything back at Halamshiral. I figured that it would be better if you flew off the handle at me than at Briala herself, or worse, Celene.”

Loghain snorted derisively. “Then I am sorry to disappoint you, because I have no intention of losing my temper with you over this. It is not _your_ fault.”

“I know,” she murmured, her voice surprisingly gentle. “I know you wouldn’t. But I also need your help.”

He exhaled deeply. “Alright, Theadosia. What do you need? What exactly did my daughter’s idiot husband do?”

“First of all,” she gave him a small smile, “I am not certain it _was_ Cailan. I think we can safely assume that, since Maric has been dead for some time, he had nothing to do with this current mess, but there _is_ one other Theirin still running around…”

“Of course,” Loghain could hear the disdain creeping into his tone. “Maric’s bastard.”

“‘Maric’s bastard’ has a name,” Theadosia retorted sharply. “Alistair Theirin is a good man, and one of Cataline’s closest friends. He is not a bad person, albeit a bit… immature. Still, he had a kind heart and is loyal almost to a fault.” Her tone softened and she moved a little closer to him so that she was almost leaning against his side. “What do you have against Alistair, exactly?”

_Besides the fact that he is living proof of Maric’s betrayal of Rowan? That I had to watch as she tried to pretend she didn’t know about her husband’s infidelity? That it broke my damn heart every day until she died?_

He met her gaze, and felt a twinge of guilt when he saw the concern in her eyes. It was unfamiliar; almost foreign, but still there. For the first time in his life, Loghain briefly considered saying the words he had never once spoken aloud. But somehow… somehow he could not bring himself to do it. He was still trying to puzzle out how he was feeling about the woman beside him. There was no reason to dredge up old ghosts and make things more complicated.

“You mean besides the fact that he almost deposed my daughter?” He replied evenly. “Can’t possibly imagine why that would upset me.”

Theadosia sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Fair point, but I would also remind you that Alistair had very little to do with any of that. You know damn well it was Eamon Guerrin and his machinations that were pushing that agenda. If anything, you should pity Alistair: he wanted absolutely nothing to do with the throne. He actually came to Cataline and me to try to put pressure on Eamon to back off. Even while I was in the Marches, my name carried quite a bit of weight here, and Cat is a Cousland. Anora is the best thing that has happened to Ferelden in years, and we all know that. Alistair _knows_ that. Besides,” she pointed out, “ _You_ will not have to deal with him. Cataline and I can handle it. In the meantime, I need you to talk to Anora and see if she can think of any possible reason Cailan would have been embroiled in some sort of secret communications with Orlais.”

Loghain nodded mutely, but despite his best efforts his thoughts were no longer focused. Memories and nightmares he had hoped were long buried were scratching at the edge of his mind, and not even the touch of Theadosia’s hand against his could banish them. “I will speak with her when I get home tomorrow,” he finally agreed. He stood, letting Theadosia’s hand slip from his own. “I should go. It’s late, and I know you have an early flight.”

She nodded, but he could see the unspoken questions behind her eyes: questions she was too kind to ask. And, unless he was mistaken, he would swear there was a trace of disappointment there as well. He wished he could stay; wished he could tell her why he _couldn’t_ stay, but he was not certain he knew the answer himself. For the first time since Celia had died, he was _feeling_. But he needed to sort it out before he breathed a word of it to Theadosia. He would not be responsible for causing her any more grief.

Loghain paused at the door and looked back at her. “Goodnight, Theadosia.”

She stepped closer to him and arched up on her toes, brushing her lips ever so softly against his cheek.

“Goodnight, Loghain,” she whispered. “Try to get some sleep.”


	12. Better Left Unsaid

_You're the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy_  
_The invincible winner and you know that you were born to be_  
_You're a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker_  
_Don't you mess around with me._

-“Heartbreaker” by Pat Benatar

 

* * *

 

 

Thea didn’t bother looking over at the dull red glow of the clock on her bedside table in the unfamiliar quiet of the hotel room. She didn’t need to: she knew that it was either too damn late or, more likely, too damn early, and she had still not been able to fall asleep. Her mind was racing as it had been ever since Loghain had left her room, and she had long since given up any hope of getting a solid night’s worth of sleep.

This whole trip had been one giant clusterfuck. If she had been asked to go out to the Orlesian countryside, maybe go poke around in some old castle or spend a few days at a sunny villa on a hillside, she would have been perfectly happy to oblige. This, though… she didn’t even mind the politics so much as she minded the sheer volume of nonsense. And then, just when she thought that maybe the evening would not turn out quite so awful as she had thought, she had managed to screw that up as well.

She sincerely wished she could have lied to him. She wished she could have told Loghain nearly anything else other than what Briala had told her: that the Theirin family was somehow connected to the current mess they were in. Thea had known perfectly well that it would not make him happy, but she had to admit that even she was surprised by the reaction her news had elicited. There had been anger there, yes, but there was something else, too. Something that almost looked like pain, and it had made her feel irrationally guilty. Lying may not have been an option: she doubted she could have even if she wanted to, but she regretted that she had not found some better way to break the news.

He had made it too easy to let her guard down. Even now, her skin burned with the memory of his touch on her, and of eyes that were as clear and cool as the sky in winter; a smile that was fleeting and rare and always just this side of a smirk. Words that tangled around her mind in the best possible way and kept her constantly on her toes even as they perpetually threatened to make her smile.

And she berated herself for wanting so, _so_ much more.

It was becoming glaringly obvious that she was not simply after something physical. Oh, she definitely still wanted him in bed. She wasn’t dead, for Maker’s sake, but she was also not going to throw herself at him like the Orlesian women at the peace talks had: she had _some_ measure of dignity. No, what was keeping her up at the moment was the dreaded realization that that wasn’t _all_ she wanted. She cared, and that was not good. Worst of all she had, for a few brief moments earlier, had convinced herself that there was a hint of a possibility that Loghain may have cared about her as well. Then she had mentioned Alistair, and some wall had gone up.

Cataline would have to deal with that one. Thea liked Alistair fine; enough that she had been willing to defend him to Loghain even though she knew it was probably only going to make things more strained between them, but she knew perfectly well that Alistair _hated_ the other man. And Thea was not entirely sure that she blamed him. Alistair laid responsibility for the death of his mentor and surrogate father, Duncan, squarely at Loghain’s feet. Duncan had been at the Battle of Ostagar when Loghain had refused to commit more troops to what was a losing battle, and he had died defending King Cailan. Thea had once tried to point out the flaws in Alistair’s argument when he claimed that the battle could have been won if more troops had show up, but it had ended up in a shouting match and she had never tried again. She still firmly believed that Loghain had done the best he could under the circumstances, for better or worse, but she also deeply empathized with Alistair for his loss. He needed someone to blame: she could understand that, even if she did not agree with it.

And apparently, Loghain had an equally irrational dislike for Alistair, so maybe it really did not matter. In any case, Thea was not certain that she would be the best person to try and talk to Alistair in this situation, since if he found out they were working with Loghain, he would inevitably say something that would set her off. And she could not promise that she would be kind. No, it was better to let Cataline handle this one. Besides, her cousin owed her for dragging her to these talks in the first place.

Thea stood up from her bed with a sigh, walking over to the window and pushing open the curtains to look out over the village that had evolved around Halamshiral over the years. It was no Val Royeaux, for which she was oddly grateful. She respected the Orlesian capitol from an historical perspective, of course, but it was crowded and chaotic. There was at least a veneer of peacefulness here, even if it did not currently see fit to make it any easier for her to sleep. Looking out over the calm of the rolling hills and shadowed orchards, softly lit by the moons hanging high above them and the twinkling stars, Thea felt something that she had not felt for a very long time.

She felt lonely.

The realization did absolutely nothing to improve her mood, and she shut the curtains with more force than was strictly necessarily. She cringed slightly as she finally dared a glance at the clock. 2:27 in the morning. Wonderful. Technically, she did not have to be awake until 7:00, since her flight back to Denerim was not until 10:30 and that would give her plenty of time to pack and get to the airport, but habit dictated that she was usually up by 5:30 at the latest. With a huff of frustration, she fell back into the bed.

And tried not to think about how much she wished he were there beside her.

 

* * *

 

Sleep must have overtaken her at some point, although Thea could not say for certain when. It didn’t really matter: either way, she had not gotten enough of it, although she had managed to not wake up until 6:00. She could already tell that her mood was not conducive to being around other people, so she did not bother calling Cat or Nathaniel to see if they wanted breakfast. More or less rolling out of the bed and stumbling to her feet, she began running through her morning ablutions, trying to ignore the horrendous dark circles that had formed under her eyes. She had finished haphazardly shoving her belongings back into her suitcase and was considering actually making the terrible coffee that had been provided in her hotel room when there was a sharp knock on the door.

Loghain did not say anything when she opened the door. Instead, he simply handed her a paper cup of coffee from the hotel café and stepped inside as she moved to let him enter. He took the same place on the sofa he had the night before, but Thea sat in the armchair, not entirely certain where she should be. When he raised a single eyebrow at her, however, she rolled her eyes and stood, taking her place back at his side, though not as close as she would have liked.

“Your friend The Iron Bull mentioned that it was in my best interest to make sure you had that,” he finally pointed at the coffee in her hand before taking a sip of his own. “I was hoping it would be a suitable peace offering, especially since it looks as though you got about as much sleep as I did.”

Thea took a long drink, letting the familiar bitter notes sing down her throat and thaw the ice in her mind. “While I certainly appreciate the gesture, I hardly think anything you have done has necessitated a peace offering. Unless you managed to go home with one of those women from the party last night, in which case you are going to need a void of a lot more coffee, and probably something to augment it as well.”

“I would certainly hope you have more faith in my judgement than that, Theadosia,” he replied, a slight edge to his tone.

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I do. I am just very, very tired. Which means _my_ judgement is even worse than usual. I really do appreciate the coffee. And I appreciate it even more given that I must look like a sea hag at the moment.”

Loghain reached out and took her hand, running his thumb over the back of it slowly. “No, Theadosia. You are just as beautiful as you were last night. I am simply sorry to see that you had such a restless night. As for why I owe you a peace offering… I should not have left like I did. I’m sure you have questions.”

“You owe me nothing, Loghain,” she replied quietly, moving a little closer. “We all have our secrets.”

“I suppose we do,” he agreed. “Theadosia, you are the first person in a very, very long time that I thought I might be able to trust with mine. I am simply not ready yet. Will you accept that?”

Thea nodded slowly. “I will. You are not… I mean, I did not upset you?”

“What, over the Theirin boy?” He snorted. “Hardly. I admit, it does not thrill me that he may be involved, but as you said: you and your cousin can handle it. I have confidence in your ability to do what needs to be done.”

“As relieved as I am to hear that,” Thea spoke carefully, “That is not what I was referring to.”

Loghain frowned slightly. “Then what… _oh_.” He exhaled slowly. “Theadosia, I am not upset with you. For any reason. Least of all that.”

“Good,” she stopped herself from sighing in relief. “I did warn you I have a habit of overstepping my bounds.”

“Somehow, I do not see that being an issue.”

She laughed. “Good to know.” They sat quietly for a moment, sipping their coffee and watching the sun rise over the hills. Suddenly, Thea realized that at some point she had actually leaned up against him, and that he had done nothing to dissuade her from doing so. Figuring she may as well push her luck while it was still with her, she gently placed her head against his shoulder, a smile curving at her lips when he leaned his head against hers.

“I cannot say that I have ever met a woman quite like you, Theadosia Trevelyan.” He observed quietly.

“Then consider yourself lucky, Mac Tir,” she retorted drily. “As roughly half the people who survive the initial encounter consider me ‘spirited’ at best, or ‘difficult.’”

“You are intelligent and clever and fearless, which the weak-minded do not understand,” Loghain countered, his breath ghosting over her hair. “Anyone who says differently does not deserve your time or attention.”

Thea was quiet for a moment before she replied. “Then perhaps I should consider _myself_ lucky that you are not so weak-willed as they are. Few people I have ever met have looked at me and seen anything but a storm.”

He shifted so that he was facing her, reaching out a hand to cup her cheek and running a thumb along her cheekbone. Thea met his gaze head on, praying that he could not feel the tremors that ran through her body at his touch. She could not understand how anyone could look into his eyes and see ice, when all she could see was the sun-kissed blue of a winter sky.

“Oh, I see the storm, Theadosia,” he corrected quietly. “But where I come from, we have learned to embrace them, rather than run from them.”

“Then you Gwaren folk must be either very brave or very reckless,” she whispered. “You come from a sea-faring people. Do you know what happens where lightning strikes the sea? It is destructive. It kills sea life and any humans unlucky enough to be in the water. It can destroy ships.”

“It can,” Loghain nodded in agreement, “unless it has somewhere else to redirect its energy.”

Thea gave him a small half smile. “You have gotten far better at this than our first meeting, haven’t you? I could almost swear that you might actually…”

“That I might actually _what_ , Theadosia?” He leaned closer to her.

“That you might actually want-” Her thought was interrupted by the sound of her phone vibrating against the table. “Damn it.” She picked up the offending device, answering with more vehemence than her cousin warranted.

“ _What?_ ”

“Well someone is pleasant this morning,” Cat’s voice was unreasonably cheerful for it being so early. “It’s time to head to the airport. If you hurry up and get down here I _may_ be able to persuade Nathaniel to pick you up some coffee if it will improve your mood.”

Thea sighed. “Ok, Cat. I’ll be right down.” She ended the call and looked back at Loghain, but his expression had settled back into something unreadable. “I have to go,” she murmured, and he nodded. Standing and looking around the room, Thea spied the object of her search on the desk by the window. Grabbing the pen and pad of paper, she scribbled something down and handed it to him.

“And what is this, exactly?”

“That’s a piece of paper.”

He raised his eyebrows and closed his eyes with a sigh. “Obviously.” He gestured to the writing on the page. “But what is _this_?”

Thea shrugged as she collected her bags and followed him out of the room, locking it behind her. “That is my phone number. Sooner or later Anora is going to get tired of acting as a courier, and you and I _still_ need to have that talk you owe me.”

“Ah,” Loghain nodded. “Yes, I suppose this would cut out the middle person.” When they reached the elevator, he took her hand in his before she could enter. After a breath of hesitation, he leaned down and brushed a kiss against her cheek.

“I will see you when we get home.”


	13. One More Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is NSFW.

_Try to tell you no_   
_But my body keeps on telling you yes_   
_Try to tell you stop_   
_But your lipstick’s got me so out of breath._

-“One More Night” by Maroon Five

 

* * *

 

 

“So that is where we stand, Anora,” Loghain finished his recitation of the events in Orlais. His daughter had grown increasingly quiet as he had spoken, and her face had paled the slightest amount when he mentioned the name ‘Theirin,’ but other than that she had simply listened. He knew that she was processing the information, mentally planning and sorting through ideas. “Can you think of any reason, beyond the obvious political ones, that Cailan would have anything to do with whatever is going on in Orlais now? He has been dead for five years, for Maker’s sake, but I promised I would ask.”

Anora managed a small smile at that. “And promised who, I wonder?” He stared at her flatly but did not answer, and she laughed softly. “As if I do not already know. Well, if you see Thea before I do, which I strongly suspect you will, tell her I will think on it. I may have some ideas, but I need to do a little digging first, alright?”

“Alright,” he agreed, standing and preparing to leave, but she stopped him before he could go.

“I truly appreciate you doing this for me, father,” she looked at him thoughtfully. “I would not have sent you if I did not think it were necessary.”

“It is alright, Anora,” he sighed. “It was… not as terrible as I had feared.”

“I am glad,” she smiled. “In the meantime, I suspect you could use a stiff drink. Why don’t you run down to The Hanged Man? No one will bother you there: Varric will make sure of it.”

Loghain shook his head. “I don’t think so, Anora. I know I have at least a dozen emails from Cauthrien that need to be answered, and I should really start thinking about making another trip back to Gwaren to take care of some things.”

She stood and approached, placing a kind but insistent hand on his shoulder. “And will putting them off one more night really matter? You are carrying so much tension right now I can practically see it. Don’t make me turn it into an order. You need to get out of this damn palace for the night.”

“Alright,” he threw up his hands in surrender. “One drink.”

 

* * *

 

 

Denerim’s most popular dive bar was busy, and Loghain almost immediately turned around and walked back out into the night. Only his promise to Anora forced him to slip quietly into the room and up to the corner of the bar farthest away from the rest of the crowd. A vaguely familiar dwarf approached, a disconcerting grin on his face.

“Well if it isn’t Teyrn Loghain Mac Tir, here in our humble hole in the wall,” he inclined his head in a mock bow. “The name’s Varric Tethras. Co-owner of this fine establishment, businessman extraordinaire, and beloved storyteller. What can I get for you sir?”

“Whatever’s on tap that’s dark,” he replied cautiously. “I take it I should be grateful you’re not tossing me out?”

Varric chuckled. “Nah. First thing you need to know about this place, is that it is _full_ of fuck ups. See the blond guy over there with my enchanting friend and business partner, Ven Hawke? That’s Doc Anders. Almost single handedly threw the city of Kirkwall into anarchy during the riots a few years back. Cullen Rutherford’s got issues from about the same time, but from the other side of the line. Nate Howe has daddy issues that I’m sure you’re already well aware of, Dorian’s dad disowned him for the most inane reasons, Bull’s whole country pretends he doesn’t exist, and Merrill once almost wiped out her entire Dalish clan after an experiment went awry.” He flashed him the same disarming grin. “You’re going to have to try _way_ harder if you want to get kicked out of here. Besides,” Varric shrugged, “Even if none of that were true, there is not a person in this bar who is willing to cross _her_.”

Loghain glanced in the direction Varric had inclined his head, and had to struggle to maintain his composure. There, singing on the stage, was Theadosia. _Anora was right. She has a beautiful singing voice_. It was the only coherent thought he could come up with for a moment until he heard the other man speak up again.

“Teddy Girl there has a _lot_ of influence in this place, and I’ll tell you right now that 90% of the people in the room right now absolutely adore her. She has made it clear that you are to be treated like one of ours and, like I said: none of us are stupid enough to cross her. Honestly, Teyrn Mac Tir,” Varric raised an eyebrow, “the thought of her unhappy is a void of a lot scarier than _you_ are.”

“I see,” he commented, taking a sip of his drink. “Well, I suppose if you are willing to tolerate my presence… just address me as Loghain. I suspect I will be here more often than I probably should be.”

Varric laughed richly at that. “Oh, of that I have no doubt. Oh no…” the jovial look fled the bartender’s eyes as they narrowed. Thea was stepping off the stage, but was almost immediately approached by a man Loghain did not recognize in the dim light. “Want to earn some serious points in my book? Go rescue Teddy from Choir Boy.”

Loghain frowned slightly. “Who, exactly? And I doubt Theadosia needs rescuing. She would probably not thank me for my troubles.”

“Maybe,” Varric handed him another beer and a shot of whiskey that he assumed was meant for Theadosia. “Or maybe if _he_ sees her with someone else, he’ll finally take the hint and back off.”

“If you say so,” Loghain stood uncertainly and wove his way through the crowded room until he reached the rounded booth in the back where Theadosia was sitting opposite the prince of Starkhaven and looking extremely irritated.

“Sebastian. _Listen to me_. You are a good person. You are a kind person, and you have a good heart, but hand to the maker I swear you lack any shred of common sense. I would never make you happy, especially when I know there is a doe eyed brunette sitting at a table over there that is head over heels for you, and that you are hopelessly gone for. Go. Sit with Bethany. Pull your head out of your own- ” Her eyes caught his, and for a brief moment, Loghain could almost swear a smile ghosted over her lips. He set the drinks down in front her, sat down, and then, ignoring every practical part of his mind, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders before staring directly at the man sitting across from them, daring him to say anything.

“Ah,” Sebastian gave him a small smile. “I see. My apologies, Thea. I will leave you to your drink. Teyrn Mac Tir,” he nodded, then departed. Theadosia leaned her head back against his shoulder with a deep sigh after throwing back her whiskey in a single swallow. Even though Sebastian had left, Loghain found he could not convince himself to move his arm from around her, instead running his thumb slowly over the bare skin of her shoulder.

“I apologize if my intervention was unnecessary, Theadosia,” he remarked quietly. “Varric suggested that my presence may hasten Prince Vael’s departure which, to his credit, seems to have been the case.”

“Don’t apologize,” he could hear a hint of a smile in her tone. “I’m glad you’re here, although I admit I am a bit surprised to see you. Let me guess: Anora?”

“Good guess,” he responded wryly. “She seems to think I am too tense and that I needed to get out. I did not bother trying to explain that doing so was equally likely to make me _more_ tense.”

She laughed softly. “There are other ways to fix that, you know.”

He took a breath, trying to ignore the implications in her tone. He wanted her badly enough, and he _knew_ it was a bad idea. But if it was… then why did she seem so intent on it as well?

“Is Vael still trying to convince you that a marriage between Starkhaven and Ostwick is in your best interests?”

“Mmhmm,” she grumbled against his shoulder. “I will give him credit: he is at least polite about it. But he doesn’t care about me. And he will never love me.” Loghain heard a trace of bitterness creep into her tone. “How could he?”

“Theadosia,” his voice was softer than he could remember it being in years as he tilted her chin up to face him, and the realization startled him slightly. He could see the storm in her eyes, but there was something else there too. “How could he not?”

She fell silent, but her eyes remained locked with his, and he could feel the rise and fall of her chest against his as her breath quickened slightly. Suddenly, she stood and slipped out the other side of the table, holding out a hand to him.

“Come with me.”

He took her hand as he stood and followed her, tracing a path through the crowded room, seemingly unnoticed by the bar’s other patrons. She slipped quietly into a back hallway, then retrieved a key from her handbag and unlocked a door that opened onto what he assumed was a dressing room. Theadosia carefully refastened the lock before returning the key to her bag and setting it on the vanity. Slowly, she stepped closer to him, still not saying a word. She looked him in the eye and then, almost before he could react, her arms were twined around his neck and her lips crashed into his.

He knew he should step away. He _knew_ he should stop. But he didn’t. Instead, he found himself pinning her against the wall and kissing her back, hard and deep. Her body pressed against his, her tongue teasing against his lips, and when it brushed against his own he could taste lemon and mint and _heat_. Loghain moved his mouth to brush kisses against her cheek and further down, along the arc of her neck, drinking in the taste of her skin and every moan that escaped her lips. She arched onto her toes, her nails digging into his back through his shirt as her head fell forward against his chest. He traced the curve of her hips up past her waist, his fingers brushing ever so briefly over the swell of her breasts and earning another low hum of approval before they began a path downward, drifting down her thighs to the hem of her dress. Theadosia’s hands went to the button of his jeans, but before she could unfasten them he caught them in his own.

He took a breath, and he could see confusion clouding her eyes before her gaze went flat. “This isn’t what you want, is it?” She asked, her tone edged with a blend of disappointment and hurt.

Loghain huffed a short bark of laughter. “Theadosia, are you mad? I have been able to think of little else recently other than how it would be to have you just like this: how you would feel under my hands, and how my name would sound whispered from your lips as I touched you; as I kissed every part of you. But I have to know that _you_ are certain. Do _you_ want this?”

Theadosia blinked rapidly a few times, then her face fell back into the impossibly tempting smile that he suspected she saved just to drive him crazy. “Funny,” she murmured as she ran her finger down along his spine, sending a shiver through his body, “I was waiting for _you_.”

It was all he needed.

He pressed her back against the wall, her body burning hot against his as their lips met once more, kisses somehow desperate and profound all at once, and for a brief moment he could almost swear he could taste starlight on her lips. Ideally, they would have been somewhere else: somewhere he could have taken his time with her, seen her laid bare, but for now… for now he knew that neither of them could wait. They had been burning too hot for too long, and now they were being driven by need and desire and aching in equal measure.

Loghain ran his hands back down Theadosia’s body, trying to take in every curve and committing it to memory. He hoped, he _prayed_ that this would not be the only time they had together, but he also knew his track record. Her hands fumbled briefly with the fastenings of his pants before she finally managed to undo the zipper and take his cock in her hand, her fingers wrapping around it and the warmth of her touch sending a shockwave through his entire body. It had been _so long_ since he had been with anyone, and her touch was far too clever at what it was doing, stroking him just so as her mouth traced a line of kisses along his neck. He pulled his shirt off over his head, tossing it aside and claiming her mouth with his before she pulled away with a small smile. Still maintaining the steady pace of her right hand, she traced the lines of his muscles with her left before wrapping it back around his shoulder and mapping his collarbone with a line of kisses.

His hands drifted back down her thighs, his nails raking lightly against the bare skin below the hem of her dress as he slowly pushed it up over her hips, further and further until…

“Theadosia?”

“Hmm?” She nipped lightly at the spot where his neck met his shoulder before running her tongue over the spot.

“Where exactly are your smalls?”

Theadosia laughed against his shoulder. “Perhaps we should both simply appreciate that they are not where they are supposed to be, and go from there?”

“You make a good point,” he smiled against her hair as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, breathing in the scent of lavender. Then, he grasped her hips in his hands and lifted her up, bracing her against the wall as he entered her. A sharp gasp escaped her throat as he drove his cock deep inside of her heat, and he paused long enough to whisper against her ear.

“Are you alright? Did I hurt you?”

“First of all,” she panted, “I do not mind a little pain on occasion if applied properly. Second of all, no, you did not hurt me, though I appreciate you asking. Third, ‘alright’ is desperately inadequate for what I am feeling right now and I _do not recall telling you to stop_.”

“As you say, Theadosia,” Loghain’s lips curved into a smile against hers as he thrust into her, strong and steady. She arched her body against his, allowing him to enter her more deeply, and their kisses became more frantic as he felt the familiar tightening in his body. He tried to calm his thoughts, his breathing, his body, but it had been so long, and he had wanted her so badly…

“Theadosia,” he managed to breathe her name, “I want you to come. I would prefer to take care of you myself, but I do not currently have a free hand.”

“Oh, right,” she laughed breathlessly, brushing a surprisingly sweet kiss to his cheek. “Again, I appreciate the thought,” she murmured against his skin before one of her hands slipped easily between her thighs, her fingers brushing lightly against his cock as they teased over her clit. Loghain could feel her entire body tense up and her breathing quicken, her other hand wrapping tightly around his body until her head fell forward as she muffled a cry against his shoulder and he could feel her inner walls tightening around him.

He held her close, slowing his pace as she rode out her high, pressing soft kisses against the top of her head as she gasped for air. When he heard her breathing steady and felt her lips pressed against his neck in a smile, he quickened his strokes, driving into her until he too fell over the edge. Loghain collapsed into a nearby armchair, still holding Theadosia in his arms as she nestled closer to him, her body still joined with his and her lips still whispering wordless promises against his skin.

She felt so completely right, there in his arms. And, for the first time since he had left Denerim five years ago…

Loghain felt like he was home.


	14. Until the Morning Comes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mira Amell Theirin belongs to @welseykels.

_Come on now, try and understand_  
_The way I feel under your command_  
_Take my hand as the sun descends_  
_They can't touch you now._

-“Because the Night” by Patti Smith

 

* * *

 

Thea stepped out of the bathroom in her dressing room, having cleaned up and made herself look more or less presentable. Her hair was still slightly askew, but there was little to be done for it short of taking down her braids and combing them out. Her body was still shaking slightly: it had been _years_ since she had been with anyone, and even then… she had to give Loghain credit: he knew what he was doing.

He was still there, waiting for her, even though she had told him she would understand if he wanted to go. To her surprise, he was smiling slightly, and she couldn’t help but feel a small thrill of triumph knowing that she was at least partially responsible. _Let’s be honest: probably more than partially._ She slipped easily onto his lap, twining her arms around his neck as his wrapped around her waist, pulling her close. His lips found hers, and she sank into a deep, languid kiss that stood in stark contrast to the earlier desperate heat of their first.

“You are an incredible woman, Theadosia,” he murmured against her skin. “I hope… I hope you were not too disappointed. It has been a very, _very_ long time, and I-”

“Oh don’t even start that,” she leaned back so she could meet his eyes, one delicate eyebrow raised. “That was easily the best sex I have ever had in my life, so no, I believe I can safely say I was not disappointed.”

“The best you have had _so far_ ,” he corrected, his smile widening just a fraction. “Given the opportunity, I intend to do much, _much_ better next time. Preferably somewhere where I can see the rest of you and do a proper job of it.”

“You’re so certain there will be a next time?” She teased, running her fingers through his hair and down his cheek. He caught her hand in his own and kissed her palm.

“I like my chances.”

Thea laughed softly, pressing a kiss to Loghain’s forehead. “So…” She took a deep breath, praying she had the strength to say what she knew she had to. “The way I see it, you have at least a couple of choices at this junction. If you just want this to be about the sex, then I can work with that. I think we have established we are compatible there. If you need this to just be a one time thing, which seems unlikely and would not exactly be _my_ preferred choice, then I can respect that as well.”

He leaned his head against her shoulder, breathing deeply, the warmth ghosting over her skin. “And what,” he asked quietly, “if I want something more than that?”

Thea felt her heart skip a beat, and despite her best efforts she smiled as she met his gaze. “If that is the case, then… then you have my phone number. And you know where to find me.” She leaned closer, claiming his mouth with hers even as her mind whispered a silent prayer.

_Please let it be something more_.

 

* * *

 

 

“Thea, you seem more distracted than usual this morning,” Cat observed as she sipped her tea, a knowing grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. “And if I didn’t know any better… I would say you are positively glowing. Perhaps it has something to do with where you disappeared to last night? Nate and I looked for you, but Varric said you had already left. Odd, though. Thom is usually fairly observant when he is working one of your shows, and he can’t recall you leaving.”

Thea had joined Cat and Nathaniel for breakfast just as she always did on Sundays, although ever since her cousin and her best friend had moved in together they alternated between their house and hers, since the two were within walking distance. She had almost begged off this morning: her mind was still positively buzzing with thoughts and feelings from the night before, and she knew damn well she would not be able to hide it. Not from these two. And unfortunately, she had been proven right.

“Must be the summer sun,” she shrugged noncommittally. “You know I’ve been out on the beach a lot already this season. I will never really tan, but perhaps I have developed a ‘glow,’ as you say.”

“Uh huh. Right.” Cataline rolled her eyes as she stood to begin taking plates into the kitchen. “And is the sun also responsible for the fact that you are smiling more this morning that I think I have seen you smile in the entirety of the past year?”

“Perhaps your charming company has simply put me in an exceptionally good mood,” Thea replied sweetly, and Nathaniel coughed slightly to cover up his snicker. When his wife was out of earshot, he looked over to Thea.

“So how was it?”

Thea bit back a grin. “Amazing.”

“It’s about damn time,” Nathaniel arched an eyebrow. “You could have cut the tension between you two with a knife. So,” he leaned back and wrapped his arm around Cat’s shoulders as she rejoined them, “Are you two… together? I guess? What’s the story there?”

She considered her answer before replying slowly. “I am not certain. I think… I would like to believe that he wants that, yes. But we did not exactly have much of a chance to talk. We agreed to take some time to think and go from there, but I am cautiously optimistic. As much as I ever am, anyways.” Thea looked at them, and her tone grew serious. “For now, though, I would greatly appreciate it if the two of you kept this quiet. Even if we do decide that there is something there, I want to keep him to myself for as long as possible before I have to start dealing with the fallout from everyone else.”

“Of course, Thea,” Cataline reached over and squeezed her hand affectionately. “You have our word.”

“Thank you,” Thea breathed a sigh of relief. “Now, speaking of potential fallout... What time did you say Alistair would be here?”

“Any minute now. In fact,” Cat tilted her head slightly to the side as though she were listening for something, “I think that’s him outside.”

Sure enough, no sooner had she spoken the words than there was a cheerful knocking at the front door. Cataline stood and answered it, and Alistair Theirin strode in with his trademark grin and enthusiastic hugs for his friends. “Cat! Nate! Thea! Maker, it’s been too long.”

Thea could not help but laugh. “It has, Alistair.” She pressed a kiss against his cheek as he wrapped her in a bear hug. “How is Mira?”

“She’s good,” he replied, his eyes lighting up the way they always did when he thought of his wife. “Working hard, of course, but good. Still trying to think of who amongst her friends she can set you up with.”

Thea rolled her eyes. “I adore that woman, Alistair, but sometimes… anyways, we did not have you come all the way over here just to discuss my personal life.”

“Of lack thereof,” her friend poked at her.

“Just so,” Cataline raised an eyebrow in her direction that Thea chose to tactfully ignore. They settled in the living room and Cat passed around coffee and poured a cup of tea for herself before taking a seat beside her husband.

“Alistair, you have to _swear_ not to let word of any of this slip to anyone outside of this room. You can tell Mira; we know it would be pointless to ask you to keep secrets from her, but it cannot go beyond that.” Cataline was using her most calm and even tone, which Thea knew meant the other woman was damn serious about what she was saying, and she could tell Alistair knew it too.

“Of course, Cat,” he glanced between the two women. “What’s up?”

Thea bit her bottom lip, then picked up the narrative. “Empress Celene is being blackmailed. It may be part of a much bigger problem, but for now, it is the piece of the puzzle that we have been given and can work with. Ambassador Briala approached me at Halamshiral while we were there for the peace talks which, by the way, were otherwise a tremendous waste of time.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Cat raised an eyebrow with a small smile. “I thought the company was nice. Didn’t you, Thea?”

Thea shot her cousin a brief glare before continuing. “ _Anyways_. Briala has her people working on this as well, and she claims that the one name that keeps popping up in their reports is ‘Theirin.’”

Alistair nearly choked on his coffee. “ _What_? What in the void do _I_ have to do with any of this? I have not set foot in Orlais for years, and I have never once met the empress. For that matter,” he paused, frowning slightly, “Are you certain it _is_ me? My father seems the more likely choice.”

“I am not saying that is not possible,” Thea conceded, “Although that would complicate things, given that he is long dead and we can’t exactly ask him about it.”

“Well, not without a Rivaini seer, three bananas, and a purple handkerchief,” Alistair shot her a disarming grin, and Thea gave a small laugh.

“Why the bananas?”

He shrugged. “Dad always liked bananas. Anyways, I am guessing that is why you have discounted Cailan as a possibility as well? Don’t even know what you’d use to summon his spirit. Not sure I want to know.”

“No,” Thea replied carefully, “We are considering the possibility that Cailan was involved in something before he died. Anora is looking into it for me.” _Which is not entirely a lie_ , she thought to herself. “But in the meantime, can you think of any reason, any reason at all, that you might be connected to any of this? I will freely admit we are grasping at straws here, but this is all Briala gave me for the moment and I am doing my best with it.”

Alistair shook his head. “Sorry, but no. Not the slightest. I was just the bastard, remember? I was lucky, if you could call it that, that Maric acknowledged me at all towards the end. I was, and still am, perfectly happy being Alistair the Grey Warden, far away from the court and politics and Orlesian shenanigans. Although I will say, they do know how to make a fine cake. Quite honestly, I am not exactly thrilled to be back in the city now that Anora’s _father_ ,” he practically spat the word, “Is back. That man had better pray we never cross paths.”

Thea felt her entire body stiffen, but a warning glance from Nathaniel stayed her tongue, and Cataline quickly interjected before Alistair could continue. “Speaking of Anora… do you think that this has anything to do with someone trying to depose her as well? Could someone be trying to revive _your_ claim to the throne? Removing both monarchs would be…”

“Devastating,” Alistair replied grimly. “Don’t worry, Cat, I may be a political troglodyte, but I know that much. There’s a reason I worked so hard to not end up on the throne in place of Anora. Her father may be a piece of work, but she’s not so bad on balance, and she has been good for Ferelden. And after the two of you successfully… _persuaded_ … my uncle to let the matter drop, I have mostly been left in peace. And the marriage option is clearly off the table.” He threw up his hands. “I’m sorry, but I really don’t see how any of this could involve me. I would still say your best bet is my father, but Cailan would not be much further behind in my suspicions. He was a good guy, my half-brother, but he lacked common sense. Who knows: maybe he did poke the lion and wake something up he shouldn’t have.”

“Perhaps,” Cataline agreed with a sigh. “Oh well. We appreciate you making the time to talk to us in any case, Alistair. It really has been too long.”

The pleasantries continued in the background, but Thea was distracted by the flash of light on her phone indicating she had a new text. She unlocked the screen and glanced at the message.

_L: Can we talk?_

_T: Because *that* doesn’t sound ominous._

_L: Perhaps I just want an excuse to see you._

_T: When have you ever needed an excuse?_

_L: Fair point. I know it’s Sunday, but can you come to my office?_

_T: I can be there in fifteen minutes._

“Well, well… what’s this?” Alistair looked at her with a grin, and Thea quickly locked her phone screen and slipped it into her back pocket with what she hoped was an appropriate air of nonchalance. “Someone has you actually _smiling,_ Teddy Girl. Perhaps I should tell Mira you are officially off the market? Do I get a hint?”

Thea shook her head in exasperation, hoping to hide the color she feared was rising in her cheeks. “I have to go. Alistair, it was lovely to see you again,” she gave him a brief peck on the cheek before doing the same for Cat and Nathaniel. “Let us know if you think of anything, alright?”

As she stepped out of the door, she braved one more glance at her phone to read the last reply that had been sent:

_L: For the record… I am looking forward to seeing you._


	15. I Hear You Call My Name

_I hear your voice, it's like an angel sighing_  
_I have no choice, I hear your voice_  
_Feels like flying_  
_I close my eyes, Oh God I think I'm falling._

 

-“Like a Prayer” by Madonna

  

* * *

 

 

She did not bother knocking anymore, which for some reason pleased him. Instead, Theadosia simply stepped quietly into his office, her eyes wary as she looked at him. Loghain gestured for her to shut the door and, once she had, he stood and stepped closer to her.

“You know,” she remarked, and he could tell that she was trying to keep her voice even, “If you had simply wanted to tell me that you regretted last night, you could have just texted me and saved me the drive over.”

“Theadosia,” he shook his head, pulling her into his arms and kissing her, his lips meeting hers with less force than they had the previous night, but with no less passion. Now that the dam had finally burst, he knew it was going to be very difficult to _not_ kiss her, or touch her, or hold her. When they finally parted, her eyes were once more calm, or as much as they ever were. “I regret a great number of things in my life, but I promise you, last night was decidedly _not_ one of them. My only regret in that regards is that we did not have more time. Something I hope we are able to correct in the future.” He bent his head and kissed her again, more gently this time, and she rose up on her toes to fit her body against his.

_Maker take me… I think I may actually…_

“So,” she interrupted his thoughts, her half smile playing at her lips, “As much as I am relieved that you are not having second thoughts, I am guessing you did not just call me in for this. Although I certainly won’t complain if you did…” Her hand traced a path along his cheek and jaw until she dropped it to his side, taking his in her own.

“That is not the _only_ reason I asked you to come in,” Loghain corrected, pressing one more kiss against her forehead before taking a seat behind his desk. Theadosia sat across from him, her presence even more distracting now that they had finally more or less acknowledged… whatever it was… between them. It was going to be a void of a lot more difficult to get any work done if he was constantly thinking about _her_ instead of the mountain of paperwork.

“Your timing was good, actually,” she pointed out. “Cat, Nate and I had a chat with Alistair this morning. I know,” she held up a hand to silence the sarcasm that she knew was already on his tongue, “He had nothing particularly kind to say about you either, which is why I said your timing was convenient. I very nearly said some things that would have been _very_ difficult to take back, and I am not certain I would have regretted a damn one of them. However, it is still probably for the best I do not have to test that theory.”

For once, Loghain was at a loss for words. It had been a very, _very_ long time since anyone had actually tried to defend him. “Well, I am glad I did not have to come collect you from the hospital. Or from prison.”

She laughed. “The latter is more likely. Alistair is a model soldier, but he has a tendency to always underestimate me. I’ve been training to fight since I was nine years old. I don’t look like much, but I’m pretty scrappy.”

“Ah. Explains the muscle tone,” he ran his eyes over her body, which she did not seem to mind in the slightest.

“Noticed that, did you?”

“Amongst other things,” he retorted. “Although I have to wonder what possibly possessed your aunt and uncle to let you start learning to fight. Seems as though that is just asking for trouble.”

“Darling, I _am_ trouble,” Theadosia grinned. “Better get that into your head now before this goes any further. But as it so happens, they had good reason: both Cataline and I were enrolled in self-defense classes after Nate’s younger brother started getting a bit… aggressive… towards Cat.” Her expression grew serious, and she shrugged. “Cat does not practice much anymore, but I still do. I have always been there to defend her.”

Loghain reached his hand out across his desk, and Thea leaned forward and took it with a small smile. “You and she are close?”

Thea nodded. “She is more a sister to me than Margot, through no fault of Margot’s own. And Nate has always been like a brother. We have been best friends since we were young.”

“He seems… very unlike his father,” he observed.

“You’re not wrong,” Thea raised her brow. “I never really knew his mother, Eliane, but Nate and Delilah somehow turned out alright, despite Rendon and Thomas being absolutely awful. Very few tears were shed when one died and one ended up in prison. Anyways,” she shook her head, “As I was saying, Alistair had nothing useful to add to the discussion. I did not particularly expect him to: he avoids politics like the plague, especially after Eamon tried to rope him into his plans. Just stepping foot in Denerim makes him a bit antsy, so you should be pleased to know he plans on returning home as soon as possible.”

“Yes, I am sure I will sleep much better tonight,” Loghain replied archly.

“Give me some time, I am sure I can come up with more effective ways to help you sleep,” Theadosia ran her thumb along his hand, and the simply touch paired with her words sent heat rising through his body.

“Of that, I have no doubt. In the meantime, however…”

“Right,” she leaned back, but she kept her fingers laced with his. “I don’t suppose your conversation with Anora went any better?”

“Slightly,” he nodded. “We talked this morning before she had to rush off to take care of a million other things. She pointed out that Cailan was, for the most part, an extremely open and honest person. Almost to a fault, I would argue,” Loghain observed drily.

“Like an overgrown puppy, yes,” Theadosia agreed with a small smile. “I always admired his enthusiasm, but it would have been a bit much for someone like me.”

“I suppose that is one word for it,” he scowled. “The boy lacked any hint of common sense and had zero talent for self preservation. However, that is neither here nor there at this point. What that meant is that when he _was_ hiding something from Anora, it was fairly obvious. He did not lie well. Towards the end, Anora suspected that he was hiding something from her, which just thrilled her to pieces, as I am sure you can imagine.”

“I can, actually,” Theadosia smiled grimly. “Anora may not always like what I have to say, but she also knows that I will not lie to her. She values honesty; I think it is a rare commodity to her as queen.”

“You are not wrong,” Loghain sighed. He dearly wished she was, in this case, but he knew that she was all too correct in her assertion. “I am grateful that she has you.”

Her smile brightened slightly at that, and her expression softened a bit. As much as he loved the sharper edges of her personality, Loghain was finding that he loved the quieter moments as well, when she almost seemed to open up a part of herself that she usually kept locked away. “I like to think I helped,” she replied quietly. “I was not you, of course, but I tried.”

“I am not sure Ferelden could have taken another royal advisor like me. They were probably overjoyed to see an exceedingly intelligent, thoughtful, charming young woman take the role instead of a bitter war veteran with a chip on his shoulder.”

“You are forgetting that I am also sarcastic, argumentative, and with an evident lack of deference for authority,” she countered.

“I was getting to that part.”

She laughed, and he was struck by how much he actually enjoyed the sound. “Let it never be said that you let me get too uppity, Loghain Mac Tir.”

“Perish the thought,” he squeezed her hand gently, and she leaned forward and brushed a kiss against his knuckles just as there was a knock at the door. She quickly slipped her hand away as Anora entered his office.

“Good, you’re both here. I rather suspected you would be.” The queen took the seat beside Theadosia, and Loghain could tell his daughter looked entirely too pleased with herself. “I have been giving some more thought to what we were talking about this morning.”

“Yes, your father mentioned that you believe Cailan was keeping something from you shortly before he died.” Theadosia did not seem even the slightest bit disarmed by Anora’s subtle grin; rather, she actually seemed to be challenging her friend to say something with a half smile of her own, eyebrows raised over eyes that were a little too wide and innocent. Apparently, Anora was going to concede the point to Theadosia: she just gave a small shake of her head.

“I do,” she admitted. “Cailan may have been naïve and reckless, but he was not disingenuous. Our marriage may not have been perfect, but this was the first time that I actually believed he was keeping secrets from me. And then there was that damn flash drive."

Loghain raised an eyebrow in her direction. “What flash drive?”

Anora pinched the bridge of her nose with a sigh. “Cailan had a flash drive that he kept on his person at all times. He claimed it was just some personal thoughts and writings; like a journal that he could plug into any computer wherever he was. I do not think that even he was foolish enough to have kept state secrets or anything of the like on it, but even _I_ did not know the contents of the drive. I cannot promise you that it holds any answers, but perhaps if you could find it, it may hold _something_.”

“You can’t be serious,” he stared at her incredulously, “It’s been five years! Assuming the drive still exists, where would we even begin looking for it?”

“I would not have brought it up if I thought it so impossible,” Anora shot back, a steely glint in her eye that he knew meant she expected to be listened to. “I know for certain that the drive was not on Cailan’s person when he was prepared for the funeral pyre. I oversaw the process personally. Which means that he most likely left it with someone he trusted a great deal before going to the front lines. If I had to take a guess, I would say that he may have given it to Elric Maraigne. He was my husband’s best friend and closest confidante. Even if he did not, the man may know what happened to the drive or where it is now.”

Theadosia stood, nodding. “Good point. It is all we have to go on at the moment, regardless. I will go track the man down; I may be able to convince Cat to help me.”

“Theadosia, if you would like…” Loghain hesitated, mindful of Anora’s presence, “I could go with you.”

She gave him a small smile, her eyes speaking more than her lips did. “As much as I would appreciate the company, I am not certain Elric will be willing to speak quite as freely in your presence as in mine. I can be quite persuasive when I have a mind to be, and Cataline could charm the skin off a snake if she had to. I think we can manage.”

“Perhaps, but I suspect I could _make_ him talk,” he grumbled, earning him an eye roll from his daughter and another laugh from Theadosia.

“I have no doubt, Loghain, but why don’t we try it my way first? If he is not amenable to speaking to my cousin and me, we will come back and try it your way.” She flashed him one final smile before she turned and walked out the door. He almost wished he could have given her a proper kiss goodbye, but there was no chance in the void he was willing to do so in front of Anora. Not until he and Theadosia had the chance to sit down and actually discuss… whatever this was.

He glanced over at his daughter, who was unsuccessfully trying to hide a smile behind one delicate hand. With a long exhale, he asked, “Is there something you would like to say, Anora?”

She shrugged. “Only that it is about time.”

“What in the void are you talking about?”

“Oh don’t try that on me,” she laughed. “I don’t know what happened last night… void, I think I would actually prefer I _never_ know what happened last night, but you two are obviously someplace different than you were before. And I think it is an improvement, though I suspect you still have a ways to go. I look forward to watching your progress.”

“As if I were here solely for your amusement,” Loghain muttered, but Anora just giggled softly as she stood and brushed a kiss against his cheek before she too turned to leave. When she reached the door, she paused and looked back at him, a soft smile on her face.

“It is just nice to see you happy.”

 


	16. Fall for a Shooting Star

_And tell me, did you sail across the sun?_  
_Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded_  
_And that heaven is overrated?_

-“Drops of Jupiter” by Train

 

* * *

 

 

“Alright, Thea,” Cat asked as she consulted the directions on her phone. They had needed to wait almost a week before they were both free from work to make the drive out to the country, and yet Thea had still not had much time to brief her cousin. “What exactly do we know about this guy?”

Thea shrugged. “Not much,” she admitted. “He was Cailan’s closest friend, and a member of his ‘honor guard.’ An archaic distinction, but symbolically important. He was with Cailan at Ostagar, but was not on the battlefield, and he managed to survive the onslaught somehow. After the king died, he retired to a life in the countryside as a farmer. Anora has not seen him since the funeral; apparently he does not make his way into the capitol very often, if at all.”

“And you think he has this flash drive Anora was telling you about?”

“I don’t know.” Thea turned onto a dusty dirt road off the main highway. “To be honest, I am not terribly optimistic. It has been a long time, but this is the only lead we have at the moment, tenuous though it may be.”

“Got it,” Cat nodded as they parked outside an old but well-cared for farmhouse. Thea knocked briskly on the door. The man who answered looked as though he may have gone a bit softer than he had been five years ago, but his face still bore an earnestness that the intervening time had not dimmed, and his eyes were curious.

“Good afternoon,” Elric spoke uncertainly, “Can I help you?”

“I hope so,” Thea flashed her most appealing smile. She knew how this worked. “You’re Elric Maraigne?”

He nodded slowly. “I am.”

“You were King Cailan’s closest friend. We are hoping you may have some information we need.”

Elric frowned slightly, then ushered them into a tidy living room. After introductions had been made and he had offered them tea, he sat in a worn but comfy looking arm chair. “It has been a long time,” he began, his tone cautious. “I do not think I can tell you anything that I did not tell the crown after the… incident.”

“We are more interested in what happened just _before_ the battle,” Thea corrected carefully. “We are working with Queen Anora to try and recover something that belonged to the king. Do you remember a flash drive? Cailan… _King_ Cailan almost always had it on him.”

A look of fear flashed across Elric’s face as it paled slightly. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Elric, we do not want to dishonor your friend’s memory,” Cataline smiled gently and placed a kind hand on the man’s arm. “In fact, we are trying to prevent exactly that from happening. Someone else is also trying to find that drive, and we would prefer we got to it first.”

“I- alright,” he nodded, seemingly appeased by Cat’s words, and Thea was grateful that her cousin had agreed to come. She was always good at this sort of thing. “Cailan did have the drive with him when we went to Ostagar, but he did not take it with him when he went to the front lines. Should… should the worst happen, he did not want it found by an enemy. He gave it to me for safe keeping.”

“So you have it?” Thea asked expectantly. _Could it possibly be this easy?_

Elric shook his head mournfully. “No. I… I left it at Ostagar.

_No, of course it couldn’t._

“You _what_?” Thea asked, exasperation lacing her question.

He threw his hands up in frustration. “I thought _I_ was going to die! You have no idea what it was like that day… so many dead…”

“It’s alright, Elric,” Cataline soothed. “We know you did what you thought was best. You said you left it at Ostagar: does that mean the drive is probably destroyed by now?”

Elric shook his head vigorously. “No. There was an old vault in the archives. I’m a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to old locks, and I had been working at it in my free time in the camp. I was able to get it open. When things started going south, I stashed the drive in there. I figured it was unlikely looters would bother with a room full of dust and empty bookshelves, so it was as safe there as anywhere.”

Thea winced slightly, knowing that those ‘empty bookshelves’ would have once probably meant years of research she would have loved to undertake, but she let it go. “You think it is still there?”

“Probably,” he confirmed. “That vault was sturdy, and even I had trouble cracking it. If no one knew it was there…” He shrugged. “Here,” Elric reached for a pen and a pad of paper and sketched out a map and scribbled a series of numbers and instructions. “Here is the combination for the vault. This is where the vault was within the archives themselves, as near as I can remember, although I cannot rightly recall where the archives were in relation to everything else, so you may need to poke around a bit. I would accompany you, but…” His voice trailed off.

“It’s alright, Elric,” Thea gave him a kind smile. Even she was not cruel enough to make the poor man relive what was possible the worst day of his life. “This is very helpful. Thank you.”

“Sure, sure,” he nodded as they stood and walked to the door. “Happy to help. Just…” He hesitated, and Cat and Thea looked back towards him expectantly.

“Don’t judge him too harshly.”

 

* * *

 

 

Thea didn’t bother knocking on Loghain’s office door, instead slipping quietly in and trying not to smile just because she was happy to see him, but failed when he looked up at her and his own lips curved slightly. She crossed the room and pressed a brief kiss to his temple before she said anything.

“I assume your visit with Cailan’s friend went well?” He murmured against her cheek as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

“It did not go horribly,” she sighed as she straightened, although she was not displeased that his arm remained settled against her hip. “I would have preferred that Elric had the drive on his person, but at least he was able to tell us where he left it.”

“The idiot just _left_ it somewhere?” Loghain asked irritably.

“Not exactly,” Thea corrected. “It is in a sealed vault in the old archives beneath Ostagar. I intend to go track it down.”

He was silent for a moment, and when he spoke his voice was quiet and almost seemed distant. “You intend to go to Ostagar?”

She nodded slightly. “I think I have to, yes. I want that flash drive, and there is a good chance that if the vault Elric mentioned was part of the original Tevinter structure, it is most likely still intact and it is very unlikely anyone will have gotten into it. Honestly, I rather suspect it was already half opened when _he_ got to it or he would not have been able to crack it. Besides,” she couldn’t help but smile a little, “This is my area of expertise: old ruins and dusty books. I have not had a chance to actually go out in the field for years, and now I have a valid reason to do so.”

“I see.”

Thea looked at him, and she could see that he was fighting some sort of internal battle. She reached a hand out and gently stroked his cheek. “Loghain, I was not going to ask you to come with me. I know that place has… I know it is difficult. I was going to see if either Cullen or Bull would go. Failing that, I can always wait until Cassandra has a day off.”

“No,” he shook his head, his arm tightening slightly around her hip and pulling her closer. “You need someone who knows the area: those ruins are a maze of old traps and Maker only knows what else. Of your immediate circle, that leaves either myself or Maric’s ba-… boy, and he is as likely to lead you right into a pack of wolves as be useful. I will not entrust your safety to him when I can just as easily go.”

“I think we both know it will not be easy,” she pressed a kiss to his forehead. “But you are right: there is no one else I would rather have with me.”

He looked up at her, smiling just slightly. “You actually mean that, don’t you?”

“I do,” she confirmed. “Believe it or not, I rather like having you around.”

“It _does_ stretch the bounds of logical thought,” he nodded, “But I am glad you do not find my presence _too_ terrible.”

She laughed, finally stepping away and sitting in the chair opposite his desk. “No,” she shook her head.

“Not too terrible at all.”

 

* * *

 

 

They took a flight as far as the tiny municipal airport in Lothering and picked up the rental car. Thea tossed Loghain the keys. “You drive. I’ll navigate.”

The first part of the drive south to the Korcari Wilds was made without much conversation, other than Thea’s occasional directions, but she found that she did not mind the quiet. In fact, she was surprised to find how comfortable it was to simply sit and let her mind wander, his hand occasionally reaching over to rest on her thigh or thread his fingers with hers. At some point, he glanced over at her, something almost akin to uncertainty in his eyes.

“May I ask you something?”

“Of course,” she turned down the radio. “Anything.”

Loghain paused, then said, “You have an incredible mind, and a particular gift for history. I have seen the way your face lights up when you start talking about a favored subject, and the way you speak about your namesake Empress makes it apparent that you are passionate about her story. Why did you not go further with it? You probably could have had your choice of any university in Thedas, or any library, or archive. I am, of course, not unhappy that you returned to Denerim, but I have to wonder why you did.”

“Ah.” Thea sighed. She had known it would come up sooner or later: he knew her too damn well already, and the realization almost frightened her. _In for a copper, in for a sovereign, I suppose_. “You really want to know? You still have to make the drive and flight back with me, so if you get spooked off it will be on you.”

He shot her a brief look of skepticism. “I will take my chances.”

She shrugged. “Well, take your pick, really. I had just gotten out of a particularly nasty relationship in Ostwick, so a fresh start was not unappealing. It was good to put some distance between Maecena and myself, for a lot of reasons. Second, you may have noticed that I do not always eat when I should. It is better for me to be near family who can pester me about my eating habits if things start looking iffy. And,” she took a deep breath, “I have always known that I would be _expected_ to come home.”

Loghain did not say anything for a moment, although he reached over and took her hand in his. “Bryce and Eleanor have never struck me as the type of parents who would force their children to do anything they did not want to do, but I think I understand. You felt a responsibility to them, didn’t you? You still do?”

“I do,” Thea heard her voice drop almost to a whisper. She had never spoken any of this aloud, but some part of her realized that, if anyone would understand, it would be the man beside her. “Loghain, I know Anora told you about my natural parents, and how Bryce and Eleanor raised me. I was given everything I ever wanted when it came to making myself a better person: when I wanted music lessons, they found me a piano teacher and bought me my first guitar. When I wanted to learn to fight, they allowed me to study under Leliana Nightingale, and they let Nathaniel teach me archery. I had the best language and voice tutors. They loved to watch me learn and grow and thrive, and in turn, I loved making them proud. It was so new to me, as a child, to have someone be _proud_ of me.”

“So you have always been an overachiever,” he smiled slightly, and she laughed softly.

“I suppose so. I love my aunt and uncle, and I love my cousins. It was always just… I don’t know… _understood_ , I guess, that Cataline and I would take over the business in the south. And I like to think I am good at my job.”

“I would argue that you have excelled,” he noted. “But then, I have difficulty imagining you _not_ excelling in something you put your mind to. I never doubted your ability: merely whether or not this is what you wanted.”

Thea fell silent, trying to decide what, and how much, she wanted to say. “I wanted to write a book. I wanted to keep researching and exploring and learning. But I _love_ my family, Loghain. They need me here, and I have friends and a life here that make me happy. Besides,” she pressed a kiss to the back of his hand, “If I had not come back, we would not have met, and we would probably both be even grumpier than is healthy.”

“Perhaps,” he chuckled. “I am glad you came home, Theadosia. I just wish you had not had to give up so much to do so.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she leaned against his shoulder.

“I think I got a fairly decent trade.”


	17. Take What is Mine

_I can see through you_  
_We are the same_  
_It's perfectly strange_  
_You run in my veins._

 

-“Wolves Without Teeth” by Of Monsters and Men

 

* * *

 

 

Much to his surprise, Loghain did not feel the sense of dread in his stomach that he had feared he would when they arrived at the towering Tevinter ruins of Ostagar. He suspected it had a great deal to do with the woman beside him, who was even now trying to maintain control over the excitement that was threatening to bubble over. When the got out of the car, she immediately began a running commentary on the towers and stonework, stopping every once in a while to crane her neck back to look up. It made him oddly happy to see her so enthusiastic. Suddenly, she stopped short, looking back at him guiltily.

“I’m sorry. I know this must be difficult for you. And here I am running around like an overexcited kitten in a yarn shop.”

“Somehow I would be less worried about the kitten,” he slipped his hand into hers. “The kitten is less likely to disappear for three months in order to write a thousand page essay on the importance of the august ram to the development of the yarn industry.”

She laughed softly. “And would you be more concerned about my disappearance, or that I might ask you to read my work?”

“What do you think?” Loghain paused and pressed a kiss to the top of her head before looking around. The familiarity of the ruins still stung, but it was not so bad as he had thought it would be. Not yet, anyways. “For the record, I have read every single thing you have published and it was all brilliant.”

Theadosia looked up at him in surprise. “You’re kidding. I couldn’t even get Cat to sit through some of my more… lengthy… works.”

“Every single one,” he reiterated. “You have a gift with words, although I am not surprised, given how well spoken you are. I think my favorite was the one you wrote about the battle at Hunter Fell in the Towers Age.”

“Ah, yes.” She smiled slightly. “My one and only dragon tale.”

“I was more impressed by your grasp of military strategy, but yes, I suppose there was the bit about the dragon as well.” Loghain pointed in the direction of an unassuming stone building that was, despite its age and all the destruction it had witnessed, still standing. “I believe that is the entrance to the archives.”

Theadosia consulted her map briefly, then nodded in agreement. “I think so, yes. Shall we go check it out?” She led the way, opening the door carefully and stepping inside. A flight of stairs descended from the antechamber into yawning darkness, and he handed her a flashlight before they carefully made their way down.

“It is a pity we could not come here when there was still something to find,” she sighed wistfully. “The Ostagar archives were one of the great discoveries of the Steel Age, but of course they were only able to save so much. Looters got to a great deal of it, as did the simple passage of time. Still…” She shrugged.

He shined his light up over the high bookshelves that now stood mournful and empty. “Have you ever been to the Gwaren archives?”

This made her laugh drily for some reason. “I tried to get access three times while I was writing my graduate thesis. All three times, I was denied permission.”

Loghain frowned slightly. “Who in the world denied you access?”

Theadosia laughed again, and in the dancing beam of her flashlight he could see her amused smile.

“ _You_ did.”

“Oh.”

“In your defense,” she conceded, “I imagine you get hundreds of requests every year. It must be a nightmare to sort through them all. The Gwaren archives are famous, in no small part because they have been kept remarkably intact, and the works there have been beautifully preserved.”

“If you were given the opportunity,” Loghain asked carefully, “would you still like to see them?”

“Are you kidding?” Theadosia replied. “I would give my left hand for a chance at those archives. Even if…” she hesitated, “Even if I no longer intend to write that stupid book.”

“Then I would be happy to take you. Or, if you would find my presence an annoyance, I would at least be more than happy to sign off on access for you. For as long as you like.”

She stopped short, and he nearly ran into her. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she arched onto her toes and pulled him down into the type of dizzying kiss that left him seeing stars, and for a moment he completely forgot where they were and what they were supposed to be doing. “I would certainly find you a distraction,” she murmured as she finally pulled away, her arms still around him, “but you would definitely _not_ be an annoyance. At least, not until you tried to mishandle one of my precious books and it fell apart in your hands.”

He gave a short breath of laughter. “I do not seem to have that problem with books. Keep me away from roses, though. I seem to kill those just by looking at them.”

“That’s alright, I don’t much care for roses,” she stepped away almost reluctantly and consulted her map before resuming their path. “And if it makes you feel any better, I am hopeless at gardening as well. Cataline has a gift for it, but the only plants I’m allowed to have are the ones that are nigh impossible to kill. And even then, sometimes I manage.”

“Clearly, we are a menace to plant life everywhere,” he noted. “So, is this it?” She had stopped in front of an imposing wall carving that looked more decorative than practical and was staring at it intently.

“I believe so,” she answered softly, her hand running lightly over the dusty carving. Her fingers pressed carefully over a series of locations, and the panel suddenly swung forward. Theadosia frowned slightly.

“We were not the first ones here.”

“What?” Loghain shone his flashlight into the newly opened depression. “Do you think someone got to the drive?”

Theadosia shook her head. “No, but look: there are tool marks here, and not nearly so much dust as I would expect if Elric were the last person to open this vault. I suspect that whoever was here will be back, though, so I would rather not linger, just in case.” She consulted the notes Elric had given her, and opened the vault. Running her flashlight briefly over the interior, she stepped inside and quickly found the box they were looking for. “Here,” Theadosia opened it with cautious movements before holding up a small, unassuming flash drive with a smile of triumph. “Do you want to take it, or do you want me to hold on to it?”

“You keep it,” he replied. “It’s almost certainly encrypted, and didn’t you say you had someone who could do that sort of work?”

She nodded. “Fenris, yes. He is the best at what he does, and he will be discreet, which is really the more important thing here. Let’s get the void out of here. I swear I am going to need at least three showers just to get all of this dust out of my hair.”

“ _Now_ who’s being distracting?”

She gave a small hum of laughter. “I never said you couldn’t join me,” she paused long enough to lean up and brush a kiss against his cheek. They emerged back into the muted daylight of the ruins. Clouds had gathered in the sky, promising an autumn rainstorm. They picked their way back past stone walls and rotting wooden barricades, taking a slightly different path back to the car than they had coming in. And then, without warning, Loghain found himself staring at the same battlefield he had been overseeing five years ago, stretched out before him like a nightmare. He stopped short, and Theadosia paused beside him, looking up at him with more concern than he deserved.

“Loghain? Should we… let’s go back the other way.”

“No,” his eyes stared over the field, memories playing out amidst the weeds and fallen leaves. He had not exactly been certain what he would feel, coming back here. Even now, he was not sure he could properly put a name to it. Anger, certainly. Frustration, and regret, and yes, even sorrow. “We lost so much, here, Theadosia. My entire reputation, my entire _life_ has been shaped by this single battle. You must understand that better than most.”

“I do,” she answered carefully, taking a step closer but allowing him his space. “I have to wonder, though, given everything that you have done for your country… everything you did to see your people free… have all of those victories been outweighed by your defeat here?”

“Apparently so,” he replied bitterly. “It is not every day you preside over the battle that sees the king of your nation dead. The son of your best friend.” He was silent for a moment, and then asked, “Do you know what happened at the Battle of West Hill?”

Theadosia exhaled slowly. “Yes, Loghain. I do. The rebel forces at West Hill were decimated by Orlesian forces that had ambushed them. The prevailing theory is that the rebels had been betrayed from within by an Orlesian bard, although I have never seen a name attached to this alleged spy.”

“Katriel. Her name was Katriel,” Loghain’s eyes were no longer focused on the battlefield, but somewhere distant over the Korcari Wilds. “And yes, she was a bard. She was also Maric’s lover, and she betrayed us all.”

“Maric’s _lover_?” Theadosia’s eyes went wide. “No wonder she does not show up in the books… But, wasn’t he engaged to-”

“There were times,” he interrupted quietly, “When it was very difficult to be Maric’s best friend. I abandoned the rebels at West Hill. I did, and so did Rowan Guerrin, Maric’s fiancée. We abandoned them to help Maric get to safety, against his wishes. Afterwards, he made me swear to never put a single life above the many every again. Not even his. I may have been able to save Cailan, but I would have sacrificed hundreds of lives to do it.” The memories were still seared into his brain. “I have tried to convince myself that it is what Maric would have demanded of me, but… I don’t know. I don’t even know if we could call each other friends, by the end.”

“What do you mean?” She asked gently.

Loghain breathed deeply. He had never told anyone. _Never_. Not even Anora, although he suspected she probably knew. Void take him, it had been years since he had every thought he might trust someone at all, let alone enough to reveal the secret that scarred him the deepest.

“I was never able to forgive him,” he finally confessed, the words twisting with the wind that had cropped up around them. “For the way he treated Rowan. The way he took her for granted. She was a vibrant, brilliant, stunning woman, and he never treated her the way she deserved. Your… _friend_ … is proof enough of that.”

Theadosia crossed her arms over her chest, almost as if she was trying to block a chill, and her eyes fell away as she spoke.

“You loved her.”

It was not a question, but he answered anyways, his voice hoarse against the truth that he had held hidden for so long. “Yes. I loved her. And it killed me to see her remain faithfully at Maric’s side even though it caused her so much pain, but Ferelden needed her. They needed a strong queen just as much as they needed their precious Theirin bloodline.”

He could not read the expression in her eyes, and she did not seem inclined to meet his own. She nodded slowly, then sighed. “Thank you, for telling me,” she spoke softly.

“I have never told anyone else.”

Theadosia managed a small smile, but there seemed to be a wall that had gone up behind her eyes. “Loghain, I… no matter what else, I want you to know that you can always talk to me. I will always be here to listen, even if…” She shrugged. “I don’t know. We should probably get back.”

And with that, she turned and crossed the deserted field, leaving him with his ghosts until he finally shook himself free from his thoughts and followed her back to the waiting car.


	18. Fall in Love So Easy

_Where there is desire_  
_There is gonna be a flame_  
_Where there is a flame_  
_Someone's bound to get burned._

-“Try” by Pink

 

* * *

 

They did not talk on the drive back to Lothering, nor did they say much on the flight home. Loghain seemed lost in his own thoughts, and for once Thea had absolutely no desire to know what he was thinking about. Or _who_ he was thinking about. When they arrived back in Denerim, she had declined his offer for a ride home, saying she thought she might try and go to the office to catch up on some work. He had almost seemed relieved, which had done absolutely nothing to improve her mood.

She had not gone to the office. She had gone straight home to her sprawling house in the country, ran herself a hot bath, and grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge without bothering to retrieve a glass. Her phone was turned off and then plugged in by her nightstand, the flash drive locked away in a secure drawer, and then she sank into the water to try and wash away the pain.

What right did she have to be hurting, though?

It was her own fault. She had asked the question, and she was the one who had prompted his confession. It was not the knowledge that Loghain had loved Rowan Guerrin; Cataline had warned her of the rumors that had swirled around those two. She would no sooner ask him to forget his memories of her than she would ask him to forget Celia. No, what stung was that she had not been able to tell if he had ever really moved _on_ from Rowan. Or if he could possibly see beyond his grief at losing her to his best friend and ever manage to see Thea as anything more than just… whatever he saw her as.

Because Maker taker her, but she had fallen in love with the impossible man.

After all these years, she reflected, she ought to be used to existing in someone else’s shadow. For the first part of her life, it had been Margot: the ‘real’ Trevelyan girl, her parents’ heir apparent, and the one on whom they had pinned all their hopes and expectations. Later she would appreciate how lucky she was to have not been put under the same immense pressure that Margot had been, but at the time, all she had known was that her parents had only had enough love for one daughter, and it was never going to be Thea.

Then, when Bryce and Eleanor had taken her in, there had always been the whispered comments and sideways looks from others who did not quite understand. Her aunt and uncle had never treated her any differently than Cat or Fergus, and she never once doubted their love for her. No one dared say anything to their faces, but Thea had heard the callous remarks anyways. She was the ‘orphan;’ the reject whose natural parents could not be bothered with, while Cat and Fergus were seen as the only ‘real’ Couslands. Nathaniel’s father, Rendon Howe, had always had a particular gift for snide comments at her expense, and always just out of earshot of Bryce and Eleanor. It had been just one more bond between Thea and Nate: their mutual suffering of his father’s abuses.

It had been part of the reason why she had been so intent on getting out of Ferelden for graduate school. She had gone to the University of Denerim for her undergraduate degree; she had only been two years behind Cataline and had even managed to graduate a year early, so functionally there had only been one year they had not been there together. Of course, if she had known what would happen in Ostwick… no, she still did not regret going. Maecena had been a grade A bitch, but the fallout from their breakup had been the final blow needed to forge Thea into the person she had become. Stronger, even sharper, and with an intense need to keep her feelings locked safely away where they could not hurt anyone else.

Or at least, that had been the plan.

She did not trust easily, and she suspected that Loghain did not either, albeit likely for different reasons. Yet somehow, they had found each other. Two broken, sarcastic, temperamental souls that probably should have given each other a wide berth and instead had fallen into each other’s arms. It was infuriating. It had been ill-advised from the start, and the worst part was that she had _told_ herself that it was a bad idea from the start, and what had she done? Her self-destructive streak had reared its ugly head and set her down a path that was inevitably going to lead to her getting her heart broken.

And surprise, surprise. Thea was feeling pretty fucking heartbroken. She knew she had only herself to blame, but that really was not making her feel any better at the moment. If her pride were not demanding otherwise, she may have tried calling Nate and Cat to cry to them. They would not berate her or try to say ‘I told you so.’ But right at the moment, Thea wanted nothing more than to sit in the tub with her wine and wallow in self pity.

As the water cooled and the bottle emptied, she finally resigned herself to the fact that she was going to have to drag herself down to the kitchen for some water and painkillers in a vague attempt to ward off the headache she knew would follow her questionable decisions. Then, having done what she could to mitigate the next morning’s regret, she crawled into bed and set the sleep timer on the TV. She hesitated slightly, then reached over to her bedside table and retrieved the well-loved stuffed bear that Nathaniel had given her for her ninth birthday. Holding Teddy tight and fighting back the tears she desperately did not want to cry, Thea drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

She called into work on Monday. There was nothing urgent on her docket at the moment, and at this point she just did not want to have to talk to anyone, or pretend that she was anything other than exhausted and irritable. When she called her cousin, even through the distortion of the phone she could hear the worry in Cat’s voice when they spoke, but Thea was able to convince her it was just a bad headache. Her migraines were rare these days, but they did still happen, and Cat eventually simply sighed and told her to take care of herself, and reminded her that Nathaniel was working from home if she needed anything.

Thea managed to drag herself out of bed to shower and brush her teeth and continue berating herself for being this upset over something that was never really anything. She knew she should probably go downstairs and make some toast or grab an orange, but she was also finding it awfully difficult to much care about eating. _Great_ , she sighed internally. _We’re going to play this game again. Cat will be fucking thrilled_.

It was almost eleven o’clock in the morning and she was still in her pajama pants and an oversized sweatshirt when she heard her front door open downstairs. She knew she had locked it, so she had to assume that Nathaniel had let himself in with his key. “I don’t want to talk about it, and I am _not_ going to put on people pants.” she called out her bedroom door.

He shrugged as he came into her bedroom with a paper shopping bag, settling onto the bed beside her and producing a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream and two spoons. “I was not going to ask you to, on either count. You know me better than that, and I know _you_ better than that.”

Thea sighed and accepted one of the spoons. “Don’t you have better things to do then come and throw me a pity party?”

“Not particularly,” he gave her a small smile. “I am more or less caught up, so I told Dorian I was taking a personal day after Cat called. She, of course, is worried about you, so I told her I would check in and make sure you were still breathing.”

“Which I clearly am,” Thea arched an eyebrow in his direction before dipping her spoon into the ice cream. “So I would hate to waste your time, given that I _still_ have no inclination to talk about it.”

“And I thought I made it clear you do not have to. You and I are going to sit here and eat this entire tub of ice cream and watch trash TV and place bets on who the father is.”

She stared at him blankly for a moment, and he met her gaze with one of utter calm that he must have picked up from his wife. Finally, Thea shook her head with a small smile and switched on the TV. “I love you Nate, you know that right?”

“I know, Teddy girl,” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

Two hours and too much ice cream later, Thea had to reluctantly admit she did feel a bit better. Enough so that she finally said, “All of this is my own fault, you know.”

Nathaniel looked at her, his grey eyes kind. “I sincerely doubt that, but if you would like to talk about it, I may be able to form a more informed opinion.”

She leaned her head against his shoulder with a long sigh. “I screwed up. I said something I shouldn’t have, or rather, I asked questions I did not really want to know the answers to. I knew I should have never let him come with me to Ostagar.”

“What exactly did you talk about?” Nathaniel prompted quietly.

Thea shrugged. “The battle. Maric. Rowan.”

“Ahh,” he nodded in understanding. “I see.”

“It’s not like that, Nate,” Thea shook her head irritably. “You know me: I would never ask him… I would _never_ ask him to forget the people he cared about; that he has lost. I just worry that… that I will never be enough. Because how can I possibly live up to a memory?” The words surprised her, the admission one that she had not even yet made to herself, and she was irritated to feel tears running down her cheeks. Nathaniel tactfully got up and took the empty ice cream container and spoons downstairs, and when he had returned she had managed to regain her composure.

“Have you talked to him about any of this?” Nathaniel asked, sitting back down beside her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

Thea huffed slightly. “Of course not. I am not the best at talking about these things even under the best of circumstances and… and it did not seem like he wanted to talk to me. He barely said anything on our way back to Denerim, even though we had talked the entire flight there, and,” she glanced over at her phone, “I have not heard from him since. I think I just kind of have to chalk this one up as another really piss poor choice on my part and move on, before I end up hurting even more.”

Nathaniel sighed. “Thea, if that’s _really_ what you want… you know I’ll support whatever decision you make. But, as your best friend? I wish you would reconsider. At least talk to him. And if he doesn’t want to talk, then you have your answer either way. But whether you realize it or not, Cat and I have seen how happy he makes you.”

She leaned her head against his shoulder again with a resigned sigh. “I’m just not sure I’m _meant_ to be happy, Nate. Not in that regards, anyways. I’m luckier than most, you know? I have you and Cat, and Dorian and Bull and Thom and Sera and Dagna. I have amazing friends and family, and I have a good job and a home that I can call my own. I’m proud of who I am and what I have become, no matter what.”

“I know. And we’re proud of you too,” he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “We love you, which is why I’m over here prodding at you and trying to get you to maybe consider the possibility that this is worth a try.”

Thea was quiet for a moment, her thoughts muddled. “I can’t believe you are actually encouraging this,” she finally managed to say.

Nathaniel chuckled quietly. “Yes, me either, to be honest. But he doesn’t seem so bad, on measure, once you get to know him. And more than anything else, I trust your judgement: you’ve always been good at understanding people, and you obviously have exceptional taste in friends.”

“You are the worst,” she grumbled, but a small smile did creep over her lips. “I… I wanted this to work, Nate. I can’t tell you how badly I wanted this to work.”

“I know, Teddy girl,” he replied softly. “Talk to him. And if it doesn’t work out, Cat and I will be right there behind you. But I think you might surprise yourself.”

“Ok.” Thea nodded. “Just… I need some time. To think about what I want to say. What I _should_ say.”

“Fair enough,” Nathaniel gave her one final squeeze around her shoulders, then stood to leave.

“Just don’t _over_ think it, ok?”

  


	19. The Best of Me

_Oh I'm sorry but it's true_   
_You're bringin' on the heartbreak_   
_Takin' all the best of me_   
_Oh can't you see?_   
_You got the best of me._

-“Bringin’ On the Heartbreak” by Def Leppard

 

* * *

 

 

Three days. It had been three damn days since Loghain had returned from Ostagar, haunted by memories he had sincerely hoped he had suppressed. Not just from that battle, but from his entire life. What was worse, somehow, was that it had been three days since he had been able to even look at his phone. Very few things got to him anymore, but somehow the idea that there might be a message from Theadosia wanting to end things had made a heavy weight settle in his stomach that he had been unable to shake off.

She deserved so much better.

There was a quiet knock on his office door, and Anora stepped in, her eyes concerned but her smile kind. “Will you be spending another day in here moping, or are you finally going to come to your senses and talk to her?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” he snapped, then sighed at the look of surprise his tone elicited in his daughter. “I am sorry, Anora, I am just… I have not been sleeping well.”

“No,” she sighed, taking a seat across from him. “I don’t expect you have been. I just got off the phone with Cat. She said this is the first day Thea has been back to work, but she has been in a mood all day and no one other than Cat has been brave enough to try and go into her office. I guess Nathaniel talked to her yesterday, but Cat didn’t say if he knew what was going on or not. I suspect I can guess, though.” Anora peered at him, her eyes far too keen for his liking. “ _What happened_?”

Loghain just shook his head. “Nothing happened, Anora. We went to Ostagar. We retrieved the flash drive. We came home.”

“And…?”

“And… and we talked, at the site of the battle. About memories that I should have left alone. About Maric, and Cailan.”

“About Rowan?” She asked softly.

Loghain was quiet for a moment, then nodded slowly. “Yes. I wanted her to know the truth, although apparently that was a grave error in judgement on my part. I should have known it would upset her, but I… I did not want to keep things from her, either.”

“Give her some credit, father,” Anora raised an eyebrow in rebuke. “Thea does not strike me as the type to be jealous of a woman long dead. Did you say anything else to her?”

“Not particularly. We didn’t really talk on the way back to the city.”

“And what about since then?” She asked, leaning back and looking at him intently.

He sighed. “We haven’t. Honestly, I have not really looked at my phone since then.”

“Oh for… Andraste’s ass, father, it is no wonder she is upset!” Anora looked at him with an expression of utter exasperation. “You drop something like that on her, and then you do not speak to her for days? She probably thinks that you are trying to break it off in the worst possible way! Poor Thea…”

“Poor _Thea_?” Loghain threw up his hands in frustration. “You think these past few days have been easy for me? Do you even know how long it has been since I have had to think about _any_ of this?”

“Yes.” She replied quietly, her expression softening. “Yes, I do. Look,” she stood, smoothing the creases from her dress. “Thea is one of my closest friends, probably my best friend, and I would like to have her stop avoiding the palace just because she is avoiding _you_. Do you love her, or not?”

“I am _not_ having this conversation with you, Anora.”

“Fine. Don’t have it with me. Have it with her. Or, if you can’t muster the courage to do that, talk to Nathaniel, see if he can offer you some insight, because I will not have you running back to Gwaren either.” She began to walk away, but he called back to her.

“Anora, you know that _none_ of this is a good idea.”

She stopped and looked back at him, her face unreadable. Then, with a long exhale, she walked back over and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “You make each other happy,” she spoke softly, and he could swear he heard the faintest trace of regret in her tone. “You have no idea how much I envy what you have found with her; of the future you could have. And I will be damned if I stand idly by and let you throw it away because of your stupid pride.”

 

* * *

 

 

Loghain stood in front of the door for longer than he should have before he finally knocked uncertainly. When Nathaniel Howe opened the door, he just closed his eyes with a sigh and stepped aside to allow him in.

“Yeah,” he said as he led Loghain into the kitchen and poured him a cup of coffee before sitting down with his own. “I figured I would be seeing you sooner rather than later.”

“Oh?”

The other man shrugged. “It was either going to be me or my wife, and since I work from home I’m a bit more accessible. That, and Thea tells me pretty much everything. Which is why, if she asks, this conversation never happened. I want to help you out, I really do, but I would also like to avoid getting my ass kicked. She’s squirrely.”

Loghain smiled the slightest bit. “Deal. Is she… how screwed am I, exactly?”

Nathaniel laughed drily. “Well, that depends. I am going to go out on a limb here and assume you did not drive all the way out here because you want to end things with her.”

“You know about…”

“Of course,” Nathaniel gave a small smile of his own. “Best friend, remember? Cat does as well, fair warning, but we have no intention of saying anything until the two of you decide it’s time.”

“Oh.” Loghain eyed him warily. “Well… thank you. And no, I- I care about Theadosia, a great deal. I am still not exactly sure where we are going with this, but…”

“Oh, I think you probably do,” Nathaniel interrupted briefly, brow raised. “Otherwise, as I said, you would not be here.”

“In any case,” he pressed on, “You still have not answered my question. Will she even want to speak with me ever again?”

“What exactly do you think she has been waiting for these past three days?” Nathaniel asked.

“She could have texted me, too, you know,” Loghain grumbled, but he already knew he was being unreasonable, and Nathaniel picked up on it too.

“Like the void,” he retorted flatly. “Thea thinks you’re upset with her because… because she brought up subjects that she believes she should have let rest.”

“It is not her fault,” Loghain corrected, his tone quiet. “I was the one who brought it up, not her. She was just trying to help, I think. And I did not tell her anything I did not want her to know about. I just needed some time to process, I suppose.”

“I get that,” Nathaniel nodded, “I really do, because I am the same way. But did you tell _her_ that? Because, and hand to the maker if you tell her I told you this I will kill you, right now she thinks that she is never going to be enough. Thea is one of the strongest people I know, but in some ways she is just like everyone else: she has her insecurities. I assume you know about her natural parents?” When Loghain nodded, Nathaniel continued. “And… to be honest, I did not help things. I disappeared for about eight years without a word, trying to deal with my own family problems, and that scarred her as well. It is why she has always pushed herself so hard: to be smarter, faster, stronger… she has always been an overachiever, because she associates that with acceptance. It is probably why she has such a problem with food, too, but that’s a whole other can of worms.”

“Thea does not begrudge you your memories, Loghain,” Nathaniel leaned back and rubbed his forehead briefly. “But she is also deeply afraid that she will never be able to compare to them. She is human, and fallible, and there will be times when she will probably exasperate you just as much as she does the rest of us. But, if you love her as much as we do, you won’t care. In fact, you will probably end up loving her all the more for it.”

They sat in silence for a moment. Finally, Loghain asked, “Why are you helping me, exactly? Everyone else in this city, excepting my daughter and perhaps your wife, would be desperately trying to convince Theadosia that she should run in the exact opposite direction of me. You, in particular, should have no reason to want to help. She will never have an easy time of it, if she stays with me. People will talk, and they will not be kind. I would shield her from it, if I could, but I also find I can’t stay away from her.”

“And there,” Nathaniel smiled slightly, “Is your answer. You obviously care about her, enough that you want to protect her, but I think you already know that she is perfectly capable of handling herself. You cared enough that you came out here to talk to me, and I suspect that you care enough that you are going to try and talk to _her_ next. Besides all that, she is crazy about you. She may try and pretend she isn’t, but it is only because she is trying to protect her own heart. Thea has always been a good judge of character; void, she’s hated my father since she was just a child, if that tells you anything. If she says that you are worth keeping around, then, I trust her. And since I imagine we’ll be seeing a great deal more of you around, I figure it does not hurt for us to be on good terms, correct?”

“I suppose not,” Loghain managed a small smile of his own. “Thank you, Nathaniel.” He stood to leave.

“Anytime,” the other man inclined his head. “Oh, and Loghain? Not that it’s any of my business, but no matter how much she pretends otherwise, Thea loves sunflowers and poppies, and she has a weakness for handwritten notes and letters.”

“Just a thought.”

 


	20. Holding Our Breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is NSFW.

_If you only take one step closer_  
_I could reach the zipper on your dress_  
_We're leaning out over the water_  
_And we're holding our breath._

-“Tiger Teeth” by Walk the Moon

 

* * *

 

 

Thea stepped out of the elevator and into the foyer outside of the office suite she shared with Cataline, clutching her afternoon coffee like it held her very lifeblood. Which, according to some of her friends and colleagues, it probably did. One had to either be very brave or very stupid to come between Theadosia Trevelyan and her coffee, and this was not her first, or even her second or third, cup of the day. She had dragged herself into work, largely because she refused to allow herself to sit at home moping like some distraught damsel, and she had to admit that being out of the house and around her friends was improving her mood somewhat. When she reached the front desk her assistant, Lace Harding, smiled brightly at her.

“Hey Thea,” she reached down from behind the desk and picked up a vase filled with sunflowers and poppies. “These came for you while you were gone. No name on the card, though. A secret admirer, maybe?”

Frowning slightly, Thea glanced at the familiar handwriting on the card, a small smile tugging at her lips despite her best efforts as she read the words.

 _I miss you_.

“Maybe not so secret, huh?” Lace grinned.

“Thank you, Lace,” Thea replied with a tiny shake of her head, but she was not able to banish her smile as she carried the flowers into her office and set them on her desk. She stared at them for awhile, then pulled her phone out of her handbag.

_T: Thank you for the flowers. I’m going to kill Nathaniel, but I appreciate it nevertheless._

_L: He is a good friend. He was willing to talk to me, even after I tried to ruin the best thing in my life._

_T: And what, exactly, would that be?_

_L: Something I would rather discuss in person. I don’t suppose the flowers have earned me enough of a reprieve to be graced with your presence?_

_T: I’ll be off around five. Why don’t you come over? The front door is usually open if I am home, so just come in whenever._

_L: I really have missed you, you know._

Thea took a deep breath, staring at the words on her phone’s screen for what felt like an eternity.

_T: I miss you too._

 

* * *

 

 

She was sitting at the piano in her music room when he entered. Thea did not turn to face him, but she knew it was him nevertheless. Loghain sat beside her, his own hands setting uncertainly on the keys and filling in the melody to the song she was playing.

“I did not realize you played,” she noted, her hand brushing briefly against his.

“Not very well, obviously,” he remarked drily. “It has been many, many years, but yes, my mother insisted I take lessons, which I hated at the time. Then, after… after she died, I suppose I could have quit, but I kept at it. And then I insisted that _Anora_ take lessons, and she always thought it was a chore as well. Still,” he picked out the last few notes, “It is a good song. A bit before your time though, isn’t it?”

Thea laughed softly. “Much of the music I like best is. Uncle Bryce raised me on this stuff.” She folded her hands on her lap, still not able to face him. “Would it help if I apologized?”

“For _what_ , Theadosia?” Loghain wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I came here because I intended to apologize to you.”

“You don’t have to,” she protested, but she leaned her head against his shoulder, breathing him in. “You know I prod at things I shouldn’t.”

“Theadosia, I did not tell you anything that I did not intend to. I will not do you the disservice of lying to you and saying that bringing up those memories was not difficult, because it was. I fear it always will be.”

“Loghain,” she tried to speak, but only managed a whisper, “I never want you to forget about them. Not Rowan, not Celia… they were important to you, and they helped shape the man you are now.”

“I know, Theadosia,” he hugged her tighter. “I know. And… yes. I loved Rowan. I mourned her when she died, for longer than I probably should have. And I loved Celia, and I mourned for her when I lost her. And you are right: they will always be a part of who I am, for better or for worse. But,” he placed a gentle hand under her chin and turned to face her, “None of that changes how I feel about _you_.” He leaned closer to her, and Thea’s eyelids fluttered shut as her lips met his, softly, almost as though they were both afraid to say the words.

“I love you, Theadosia,” he breathed against her cheek, the words wrapping around her heart and sending her falling like a star.

“I love you, Loghain,” she whispered. “I love you. Do you want to give this… give _us_ … a chance?”

“Very much,” he nodded. “You know that sooner or later, people are going to find out.”

Thea pressed a kiss against his cheek, her lips trailing down along his jaw and his neckline, earning her an appreciative hum. “Yes. Eventually. But I plan on keeping you to myself for as long as possible.”

“And you know that, when they do find out, they are going to talk. And most of it will not be kind. I don’t much give a damn what they say about me, but I worry about you.”

“Don’t,” she silenced him with another kiss, harder this time. “I am not afraid of them, or their poison. Let them say what they will: I will still stand by your side.”

“I am glad to hear it. So,” Loghain brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes, “As long as you are making questionable decisions, how would you feel about making another?”

She laughed, standing and taking his hand in hers and leading him from the room and up the stairs. “Pretty damn good, actually, although not enough that I am willing to sacrifice my piano bench to the cause.”

“You may be giving me too much credit,” he rolled his eyes, but she could hear the smile in his tone as they stepped into her bedroom.

“Perhaps you are simply not giving me _enough_ credit,” she shot back before she arched onto her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, her lips finding his far too easily as he held her close. “Maker’s breath… I love you…” she murmured.

“I love you.” There was a strength to the words; a certainty when he spoke them, that Thea had never heard before, and it nearly made her melt. Her hands moved to his chest, her heart skipping a beat just at that simple touch, and she slowly began unbuttoning his shirt before slipping it over his shoulders. There was no hurry this time; they had all the time in the world, and she intended to take it. Loghain’s hands slipped carefully under the hem of her dress and slipped it up her hips, rubbing the bare skin of her back as he placed soft kisses against her forehead before he pulled it off over her head. They took small steps towards the bed, shedding clothing as they went, hands exploring every inch of skin as it was exposed.

When they finally reached the edge of the bed, Loghain laid her back gently against the pillows, his lips tracing a path down her neck and along the ridge of her collarbone as he lay beside her. She reached out to wrap her arm around his waist, pulling him closer to her, and the warmth of his body against hers set every nerve sparking brightly against the fading autumn light of her room. For the first time in her life, she did not feel like she had to hide anything about herself: not her scars, not her imperfections… nothing.

“Tell me, Theadosia,” his lips moved against the dip in her shoulder, sending a pleasant shiver down her spine. “Tell me how you want to be touched.”

She paused, taken slightly aback. “You’re asking?”

He chuckled softly. “I am. I have found it usually yields far better results for everyone involved if there is less guesswork involved. Remember, I am nothing if not practical. I told you: now that we have time, and now that I have you…” he ran his hand along her side, his fingers teasing against her breast. “I want to do this properly. So,” he shifted so that he was propped up over her, pressing a kiss to her lips before moving his attention lower, down between her breasts until he crossed his arms over her stomach and rested his head there, looking up at her patiently. “What do _you_ want?”

Thea reached down and ran her fingers through his hair, briefly brushing his cheek. “What _I_ want… hm. I am not certain anyone has ever asked before.”

“Then I very much doubt they deserved the gift you gave them. I intend to appreciate you. As often and as thoroughly as I can.”

She smiled, warm and true. “I don’t know… I felt pretty appreciated the first time.”

“Oh, I can do _much_ better,” he pressed a kiss to her stomach.

“Mmm,” she hummed, her eyes drifting closed. “In that case… I like _not_ having to be in control. I have to be in charge of a dozen things every day, and I have to make a hundred decisions. With you, I think… I think I would like to just be able to let myself go. To let myself just _feel_. Does that sound stupid?”

“Not at all,” he murmured, moving his hand to trace a too-light pattern over her breast. “It makes sense, actually. You spend all day carrying all that responsibility; it has to start to wear on you sooner or later, though I doubt you would ever admit it.” He shifted so that he could brush his lips against hers as his thumb began running a pattern over her nipple, the tender flesh hardening under his touch, and she leaned back with a soft moan. She felt his mouth curve slightly against hers.

“And it sounds like _that_ is acceptable.”

“Definitely,” she agreed. “I _told_ you that you were good with your hands.” She moved her own down his back, tracing the lines of muscle and raking lightly over his spine, smiling slightly at the sharp intake of breath she heard against her shoulder.

“Apparently you are rather adept with yours as well,” he replied, kissing back down her neck until he reached her other breast, his tongue brushing lightly over the skin, teasing at the nipple until he gently sucked on it, raking his teeth over the tightened bud just enough to send a shock through Thea’s entire body and prompt her to arch her back, pressing herself closer to him. He placed one hand beneath her back, supporting her as he moved to her other breast and repeated the pattern. His other hand reached up and gently stroked her cheek and jaw, his touch surprisingly gentle. Loghain shifted so that his lips brushed against her cheek.

“You are so beautiful,” he murmured, and the simple words made everything flare briefly brighter around her.

“I’m really not,” she protested softly, but she knew she was smiling. Thea kissed him, sinking into the taste of him and the warmth of his body against hers. She gently pressed him down against the bed, rolling over on top of him and brushing a feather light kiss over his lips before her mouth began a slow path along his jaw, down his neck, and further down his chest and stomach, her fingers dancing over lines of muscle and scars from battles long past. “It seems I am not the only fighter…”

There was a sharp intake of breath above her as her lips whispered against his thigh, not nearly close enough to where she wanted to be, but she was content to take her time as well. “I was a soldier, Theadosia, you know that. And old habits die hard…” A low groan issued from his throat when her tongue ran along the length of his cock; just enough to tease.

“Did I say I was complaining?” She laughed softly before pressing a line of kisses against his length, flicking her tongue lightly over the tip and raking her nails gently down his inner thighs. Thea could feel the muscles tensing, and she knew he was trying desperately not to roll his hips forward. “You are so much better than anyone I have been with before.”

“Glad to hear it,” Loghain inhaled deeply, his head falling back against the pillows as she finally took him into her mouth. “Theadosia, that is… hmmmm.” She worked a steady rhythm, one hand at the base of his cock while the other stroked his side and his hip, and she realized how desperate she was just to touch him. When she heard the shift in the rhythm of his breathing, she carefully pulled away, working her way back up his body and kissing every part of him she could reach. When she was straddling his hips, Loghain reached up and placed his hands at her sides, running his thumbs gently along her waist and down her hips.

“I love you,” he whispered, his expression softer than she knew anyone else would ever see. Thea leaned down and met his lips, kissing him long and slow and memorizing the taste and feel of him.

“I love you, too,” she murmured, her lips still pressed against the corner of his mouth. “I… Loghain, I have never wanted to be touched by someone as much as I want your touch. And I have never wanted someone to kiss me as badly as I want you to kiss me. This is… entirely new territory for me.”

He laughed softly, the vibrations in his chest flickering against her body. “Then it is a good thing I have an appreciation for maps, then, isn’t it?” He wrapped his arms around her as she giggled, rolling her onto her back and pressing a surprisingly gentle kiss against her forehead. “Although, I am not opposed to taking direction from someone who has proven to be as skilled at navigation as yourself.” He reached down between her legs, his fingers brushing too lightly against her sex. She moaned slightly, rolling her hips against his touch.

“At the moment, you seem to be doing fine,” she spoke breathlessly. “If your intent was to drive me absolutely mad.”

“I figured it was a good place to start,” he smirked at her, and she propped herself up on her elbows long enough to peck a short kiss against his nose before she fell back with a small smile of her own. His lips met hers, tongue teasing gently against her lips as she deepened their kiss, arching her back and pressing her breasts against his chest while his hand experimented with patterns and pressure and position. When he slipped a pair of fingers inside of her heat, she had to keep herself from rocking her hips up violently to meet his touch, and she could feel his lips curve slightly against her own.

“Is that alright?” He whispered, nipping lightly at her earlobe as his thumb began tracing a tight circle over her clit.

“ _Is that alright?_ ” She gasped, her core burning and every nerve threatening to snap. “Damn it, Loghain, I-” The rest of her sentence faded into a cry as she fell over the edge, her peak overwhelming her more than it ever had before, even more than the first time they had been together, and for a moment she could register nothing but the sheer waves of pleasure that washed over her and sent her spinning. When she finally began to come down, she struggled to even her breathing as her eyelids fluttered open. Loghain bent down and kissed her gently, his hand stroking her cheek and his nose rubbing lightly against hers.

“Good?”

Thea leaned up to meet his lips, kissing him fiercely, her arms twining around his neck to pull him closer to her. “Loghain, I _need_ you,” she whispered when she finally found her voice.

“I need you too, Theadosia,” he murmured, pressing one more kiss to her cheek before he entered her, utterly unhurried, filling her completely. They started slowly, her hips rising easily to meet his thrusts and his fingers lacing with hers as he held them over her head. As the rhythm of their movements quickened and she could hear his breath grow jagged, he slipped one of his hands from hers and let it drift back down to the apex of her thighs and all too easily finding the perfect spot a second time. Her free hand wrapped around his shoulders, clinging to him as she felt herself falling once more. Somewhere through the haze of her mind, she heard him call her name, and felt his hips thrust against her sharply once more before he collapsed beside her. Loghain wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her tight against his body, his breath warm against her cheek and her neck.

She was not certain how long they lay there, wrapped up in each other, caressing each other with gentle touches and kisses that held so much promise it nearly broke her. Eventually, she slipped out of bed long enough to wash up and find one of the spare unopened toothbrushes she kept for guests, then she curled up back beside him, sleep threatening to overtake her as she reached up and placed a hand on his cheek, running a thumb along his cheekbone and across his lips.

“Loghain?”

“Hm?” He mumbled.

“You are staying, yes?”

“I was planning on it, unless you would rather I didn’t.” His eyes met hers, and she could tell he already knew the answer.

“I love you,” she breathed, nestling her head against his shoulders as he wrapped his arms around her.

“Theadosia?” He asked quietly, her name almost uncertain on his lips.

"Yes?”

“You are the first person in many years who has looked at me and seen the man I am, rather than the symbol I became or the traitor I was branded.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, pulling her closer to him. “I just wanted to tell you… I suppose I just wanted to say that I intend to spend the rest of my life trying to be someone you deserve.”

“Loghain…” Thea pressed her lips to his before settling back in against his shoulder. “I love you, exactly as you are. I would not change you for anything.”

“Nor I you, Theadosia.” He stroked her hair with his free hand, idly playing with the auburn waves that fell over her back.

“I love you.”


	21. Heaven Help a Fool

_Honey I love you, that's all she wrote_   
_Oh, Ophelia, you've been on my mind girl like a drug_   
_Oh, Ophelia, heaven help a fool who falls in love._

-“Ophelia” by The Lumineers

  

* * *

 

 

For the first time in many, many years, Loghain slept soundly through the night, and he could not remember the last time he had managed to sleep in as late as he had this morning. Granted, it was still early by most people’s standards, but even though he had woken up he had very little inclination to get out of bed and return to the real world. Theadosia was still lying asleep in his arms, and when he leaned over to brush a kiss against her cheek she smiled slightly, prompting his heart to skip a beat. Her eyes still closed, she rolled over so that she was facing him.

“Good morning,” she yawned. “What time is it?”

“Almost seven,” he replied, rubbing her back and prompting a soft moan. “Which means I, at least, should probably think about getting up and going to work.”

“Damn it. Yes, me too,” she grumbled, burying her head against his shoulder. “I would greatly prefer to spend the day like this, however.”

“As would I,” he pressed a kiss to her forehead before stepping out of bed. As he ran the water to brush his teeth and rinse his face, he took in his surroundings for the first time. “Theadosia?” He called back to her, “Why in the void does your bathtub take up a quarter of the bathroom?”

“Because I happen to like taking long baths,” she retorted, her voice still muffled by the blankets. “Besides: this way I can have company, if I am so inclined.”

He returned to her side, slipping back into bed even though he knew it was only going to become increasingly difficult to get back out. “And would you be so inclined, in the future?”

She giggled softly, the sound almost unfamiliar, but pleasant. “It is a distinct possibility. I suppose that will depend on who that company is, and how often he is inclined to stay the night.”

“I should think that, given your sparkling personality and wit, he would be inclined more often than not,” Loghain smiled as she laughed again, more brightly, stepping out of bed and beginning her own morning routine. When she stepped back out of the bathroom, the autumn sunlight peaking through the blinds was hitting her at just the right angle to make her ivory skin glow and her hair blaze like fire. A small smile tilted at the corners of her lips as she lay back down beside him, her arms twining easily around his neck.

“Have I told you that I loved you?”

“Not this morning,” she kissed him. “I love you, too. And you are probably going to grow _very_ tired of hearing that _very_ soon.”

“Never,” he promised, sinking back against the bed and holding her against his chest. Loghain was idly considering calling in and telling Anora he would not be in his office today, when the decision was made for him. There was a dull, muffled buzz as his phone vibrated in his pocket where he had abandoned his pants the night before.

“Mmmm… just ignore it…” Theadosia mumbled against his shoulder as he disentangled himself.

“I can’t, sweetheart,” he sighed, the endearment coming to his lips far easier than he expected. “Only a handful of people have this number, and if they’re bothering to call it is probably important.” He glanced down at the caller id and winced slightly.

“Good morning, Anora,” he answered the call, careful to keep his tone neutral as he returned to the bed.

“Good morning, father,” she replied with unusual cheer. “Sleep well?”

Loghain glanced down at Theadosia, who had nestled back against his chest. He wrapped an arm around her, his hand running a lazy path up and down her shoulder.

“I did, actually. Thank you.”

“I am glad to hear it. Now, why don’t you go ahead and put me on speaker so I don’t have to repeat all of this to Thea later on.”

“…excuse me?”

She sounded far too amused when she replied. “You really think I did not notice you not coming home last night? Or perhaps, you _did_ go home. You just simply did not come back to the palace.”

Loghain gave an exasperated sigh, but he knew his daughter was right. Being with Theadosia… he really did feel as though he had finally come home. With more grumbling than was strictly necessarily, he switched the phone onto speaker.

“Morning, Nora,” Theadosia yawned, seemingly unfazed.

“Good morning, Thea,” Anora replied. “I was hoping you might be able to bring the decrypted flash drive over this afternoon when you get off work?”

“Oh damn… of course,” Theadosia looked slightly sheepish as she sat up. “Sorry, Anora. I meant to bring it by yesterday afternoon right after Fenris finished with it, but I was… distracted.”

“I’m sure,” Anora replied drily. “So I’ll see you this afternoon, then? I’ll make certain I have coffee ready for you.”

“You’re the best. Tell you what: I’ll go ahead and forward over secure copies of everything, and then we can discuss it tonight. I’ll be there as soon as I get off work, I promise.”

“Perfect. Bye Thea. Goodbye, father.”

“Goodbye, Anora,” he ended the call. “I apologize, Theadosia, I-”

“Don’t be,” she laughed. “You cannot possibly tell me that Anora did not know this was going to happen sooner or later. As long as she is not upset with either of us, and it did not sound like she was, I do not see an issue.”

“Your aunt and uncle are going to kill me when they get back, you do realize that?” He growled against her shoulder, nipping at the pulse point in her neck and prompting another giggle.

“They will not. They’ll probably just be relieved Vael won’t be pursuing me anymore.” She moaned slightly as his lips drifted lower, down along her collarbone and further to the tops of her breasts. “ _You_ are impossible,” she inhaled deeply. “And you are making it exceedingly difficult to convince myself to get dressed.”

“…your point?”

She just gave him a small, teasing smile before brushing a brief kiss against his temple and slipping out of bed to find her clothes.

 

* * *

 

 

The day went by impossibly slowly. He had received a text from Theadosia at lunch promising to sneak out as early as she could, assuming she did not slit her own wrists from having to sit in on board meetings all day. Loghain was actually rather impressed he had gotten any work done at all, but he suspected that his productivity was due more to the fact that he wanted to be able to focus his attention when Theadosia did finally arrive rather than any particular diligence on his part. Finally, around four, his phone lit up with a text notification.

_T: Hey, love. I should be there in about fifteen minutes. Should I come to your office first, or Anora’s?_

Despite himself, he smiled. It still surprised him, a bit, how genuinely happy she made him.

_L: Best go to Anora first. If you come to my office, I cannot promise you will leave it again with any alacrity._

_T: Promises. ;) Are you coming home with me tonight?_

_L: Do you want me to?_

_T: What do you think? Why don’t you come find me in Anora’s office; we’ll need to decide our next move anyways. And if you do decide to come home, I may be persuaded to make dinner._

_L: You make it difficult to say no. I will see you in a bit. I love you._

_T: Love you too._

 

* * *

 

 

By the time he stepped into Anora’s office, Theadosia was already there and speaking rapidly in hushed tones with her friend, and neither of them looked particularly happy. When he entered, both women looked up. Anora quickly schooled her expression into a calm smile. Theadosia did not; somehow he knew she wouldn’t. She would never do him that disservice. Whatever had been on that damn drive, it was not good.

“Theadosia,” he inclined his head in her direction then, deciding that the cat was already out of the bag as far as Anora was concerned, leaned down to brush a kiss against her cheek. She gave him a small smile before turning and looking at Anora.

“I am going to let the two of you talk. Loghain, I will wait for you in your office.” She stepped briskly towards the door, but before she left she turned and looked directly at Anora.

“Either you tell him, or I will.”

His daughter sighed, wincing slightly as Theadosia shut the door with more force than was strictly necessary. He sat in the chair opposite her desk and looked at her expectantly. “Are you going to tell me what that was about?”

“She has not left me much of a choice, has she?” Anora replied coolly. “Although… no… she was right to do it. She cares about you a great deal, you know.”

“Yes,” Loghain nodded quietly. “I picked up on that, believe it or not.”

Anora managed a tiny smile. “The flash drive was not as useful as we had hoped, and Thea is just about spitting hot coals over the fact that her time has been wasted, amongst other things. She is planning on going back to Orlais next week to have a word with Ambassador Briala. I pray for the ambassador’s sake that she has something more tangible to offer this time.”

“Alright, so what exactly _did_ the drive contain?” He leaned back and crossed his arms, waiting for Anora to organize her thoughts.

“Mostly, it was copies of Cailan’s personal correspondence, as well as some of his personal notes,” she finally responded. “And mostly, it was boring. Plans with friends, ideas for new buildings or monuments, places he wanted to travel if he ever had the time.” There was a note of sadness in her tone, and Loghain knew that Anora was thinking of all the years she would never have with her husband. “But there were… some interesting emails. Between Cailan and Empress Celene of Orlais.”

_“What.”_

Anora looked away. “Father, what you have to understand… Cailan and I loved each other very much. I do not ever want you to doubt that, but… you know how much pressure he was under from the Guerrin side of the family. They wanted to keep a Theirin heir on the throne, and they expected Cailan to deliver one. But I-” She paused, swallowing hard. “I am not able to have children.”

Loghain stared at her for a moment, at an utter loss for words. “Anora,” he finally whispered, “How long have you known?”

She shrugged. “A few years. We tried; Maker knows we tried. After the first few years, I went to see a specialist who confirmed what we already half suspected. I will never bear children.”

“And, what?” He could hear his voice rising in tempo with his anger, and he found he had no desire whatsoever to rein it in. “He intended to set you aside for that bitch Celene?”

“Father, there is no call for that,” Anora rebuked him wearily. “Celene is an intelligent, well-cultured woman and, despite our political differences, I do not dislike her. I do not trust her, and I cannot say I would ever call her a friend, but still. And, yes. Cailan was planning on divorcing me and offering Celene an alliance.”

“So. Your idiot husband was determined to give Orlais by marriage what they could not win by war,” he seethed. “And you _knew_?”

“I suspected, yes,” Anora nodded sadly. “He had grown more and more distant the more his Uncle Eamon needled at him. And when Maric started acknowledging Alistair as his son, it grew worse. Had none of that happened… I do not know, father, what would have happened. And now, we never will. It is a moot point. Cailan is dead, and I rule Ferelden alone. I plan to keep it that way.”

“Why didn’t you _tell_ me?”

“I am the queen, father,” she replied calmly. “It was my burden and my responsibility to bear. And,” Anora took a deep breath, “I did not want you to worry any more than you already did. It does not matter now: as I said, it is a moot point. For her part, I suspect Briala simply wanted to confirm whether or not there was any physical evidence of her own affair with Celene which, there is, so Thea will at least have that leverage.”

“You are sending her to Orlais?” He asked, trying to keep the anger out of his voice. He knew that none of this was Anora’s fault; and he knew damn well why she had not trusted him enough to tell him.

“She volunteered. Insisted, actually,” Anora gave him a small smile. “I am proud of her, to be honest: I thought she was going to completely lose her temper when she found out, but she managed to remain relatively calm. Perhaps she did not want to upset you; she has never been particularly inclined to hold back on my account, and she is furious on my behalf. I have had many years to deal with this knowledge; I realize that, for you and her, it is still raw. I simply ask that you trust her to take care of this, and I ask that you trust me to know what I am doing.”

“I… of course.” Loghain sighed. “I do trust you, Anora. And I trust Theadosia.” He stood and prepared to leave but, before he did, he turned and looked back at his daughter, who seemed to finally be wearing down.

“I am sorry, Anora. For everything.”

He did not wait for her response. Instead, he strode down the hall to his own office. Theadosia was waiting for him, and for a brief moment, he saw his own rage reflected in her storm blue eyes, but when she saw him her expression seemed to soften slightly. She did not say a word. Instead, she simply held out her arms.

And she held him until the anger ebbed away.

 


	22. Fight the Break of Dawn

_Well we know I'm going away_   
_And how I wish - I wish it weren't so_   
_So take this wine and drink with me_   
_And let's delay our misery._

 

-“Save Tonight” by Eagle Eye Cherry

 

* * *

 

 

Thea could feel the tension bleed out of Loghain’s body as she held him close, standing there in his office. She ran her hand along his back, and when she finally felt the muscles there and in his shoulders slacken, she arched onto her toes and pressed a soft kiss against his cheek.

“I know you are angry, love,” she whispered as he bowed his head down against her own. “I am angry too. She never told me either, I swear.”

“I know, Theadosia,” he straightened and sat down behind his desk, holding his arm out to her. She slipped onto his lap, letting him rest his head on her chest as she stroked his hair. “I know you would have told me, had you been aware of the lying bastard’s attempts to abandon my daughter simply because she was not able to produce a child. As if she were some Orlesian hound to be put down as soon as it is no longer of use.”

She sighed, brushing a kiss to the top of his head. “I fear she is right, however. There is nothing to be done for it, now. Perhaps it is some small mercy that Cailan died before any of this could come to pass.”

“You cannot possibly expect me to sit by and just let this go, Theadosia,” Loghain protested, leaning back so that he could face her. “The insult to my daughter…”

“Died with Cailan,” she replied firmly. “Loghain there is not a damn thing either of us can do about it. You _have_ to let it go. What you can do now is help keep Ferelden out of another war with Orlais, because that’s what this whole mess was about in the first place: trying to prevent a war. Whoever is behind these machinations, they intend to see both Ferelden _and_ Orlais fall, and if we manage to take each other out, all the better. And if nothing else-” She hesitated, then tilted his head so that he was facing her. “If nothing else, Loghain Mac Tir, I am _not_ doing this alone. I need you.”

He exhaled deeply, his eyes shutting briefly. When he opened them, they were once again cool and steady. “Theadosia, I swear, I am not going to leave your side. I am not losing you, too.”

“Never,” she murmured, meeting his lips with hers. When they parted, she stood and held out her hand.

“Come on. I believe I promised you dinner.”

“What do you intend to do, Theadosia?” He asked as they left his office and walked downstairs. The halls were empty, this late in the day, and they kept their hands held tightly together.

Thea was quiet for a moment, and when she replied, her voice was tempered by steel.

“I intend to go to Orlais and have a chat with Ambassador Briala. One way or another, that woman is going to be useful.”

 

* * *

 

Thea was on the first flight to Val Royeaux the following Saturday morning. Anora herself had sent word ahead, requesting a meeting with the ambassador with a representative of the Fereldan crown. Thea still wasn’t _technically_ a member of the court… but at this point she doubted the distinction would make much difference. It was well known that she and Anora were close friends and confidantes, and that paired with her reputation would serve well enough.

Loghain had offered to go with her, albeit reluctantly. He had stayed over with her every night since that first one they had together, and she was a bit surprised at how easily she had adjusted to sharing her space with another person. When she had moved back to Denerim after being in the Marches, she had purposely bought a house that was far too large for one person. She told her friends and family that it would make for a convenient place to host holiday gatherings and other parties, and she would always have room for out of town guests, but in reality Thea had just always liked her space. She’d had precious little of it in the cramped cities of the Free Marches. Now, she had a home of her own with enough property that she was unlikely to ever have neighbors, except for Cat and Nathaniel. They had built on land she had ceded to them in the East Woods: within walking distance, but they were still far enough that Thea did not feel crowded.

After waking up far too early that morning, Thea had lingered in bed longer than she probably should have, content to simply lie in his arms. He had brushed a kiss against her cheek, and she had smiled. Maker, she had probably smiled more in the past few months than she had in the past decade. “You know,” he’d said, “I could stand to wake up like this every morning. Holding you in my arms and seeing you smile.” She’d kissed him, and he had offered to come with, and Thea knew that if she had said the word he would have done it.

But she had resisted the urge. She would only be gone a few days; long enough to take care of some business for Seawolf and Steed while she was in the Orlesian capitol anyways. She had left him a key to the house; told him he was welcome to stay if he liked. Internally, she had begun to wonder just how long it would be before they stopped pretending that he had any intention of ever going back to his rooms in the palace. In any case, there was no point in making Loghain suffer over this mess any more than he already had.

_But damned if I don’t already miss him_.

As soon as her flight landed, she sent him a brief text to let him know she had arrived safely, and then one to Cat and to Nathaniel with similar messages. She checked into her hotel room, and memories of her last trip to Orlais brought a small smile to her face before her irritation at being alone overtook her again. Taking a cab over to the palace district, she waited patiently until Briala’s assistant came out and announced the ambassador would see her now.

“Ms. Trevelyan,” Briala greeted her smoothly, “What a pleasant surprise. When Anora requested a meeting I had no idea you were her representative.”

“Cut the shit, Briala,” Thea snapped, “If you wanted someone who would play your precious game, you should have gone after Cat.”

“Ah, but you _do_ play the game, Theadosia,” Briala’s lips curved up in a wry smile. “All too well. It is why you are here, after all. I can only assume that your current outrage means that you successfully retrieved the flash drive?”

“I did, although I fail to see what the point was,” Thea shot back irritably. “I now have evidence of _your_ affair with Celene, although it is hardly a secret, and evidence that Cailan was trying to leave one of my best friends simply because she was not able to bear him a child. I am uncertain how this helps _you_ , or how it was supposed to help _me_ figure out who is blackmailing Celene, or why. What I do know is that I have been used, and I do _not_ like being used.”

Briala shrugged. “Someone was going to get their hands on that drive sooner or later; I decided that I would rather it be you. You had the knowledge, connections, and more importantly, the desire to retrieve it and, as I am sure you have discovered by now, someone else was also actively seeking the information it carries. I knew that if I dropped the name ‘Theirin’ that it would eventually lead you to the drive, and I was correct. As far as why… in Orlais, it is one thing for the empress to be _rumored_ to have an elven lover. It may even be accepted as fact. It is quite another, however, for there to be undeniable physical proof of said affair. Your adversary in this case is mine as well: my position at court is not so unassailable that a scandal like this would leave me unscathed either. And, if it helps soothe your wounded ego, I have not been idle in your absence.”

“Do not patronize me, Briala,” Thea’s voice was sharp with unspoken warning, “If you have something useful to say, say it, otherwise I will take my leave.”

“Such a temper, Theadosia,” Briala chuckled slightly. “You may not be Fereldan by birth, but it seems you are certainly one by temperament. Very well: my network has noticed something very odd occurring on our western border, in the deserts of the Western Approach.”

“The Approach?” Thea frowned slightly. “There’s nothing out there but sand and ruins and more sand. What in the void could be going on out there?”

Briala raised an eyebrow. “My question exactly. I suggest you ask the Grey Wardens, since it seems to be their people that are responsible for most of the activity. They are a secretive bunch, though; even I have not been able to insinuate a spy within their ranks as of yet, although not for lack of trying. Perhaps you will have more luck where I have failed, since I know you have personal connections within the order.”

“Alright,” Thea sighed in resignation. “I suppose it is something, anyways. I know some people I can talk to; see if I can find anything out.” She stood to leave, but Briala held up a hand to stop her.

“Theadosia? Despite what you may think, I have no desire to see your friend removed from her throne. I admit I sent you after the drive under less than honest circumstances, but I knew that its secrets would be safer in your care than anyone else’s, if only because you do not with to see any more harm come to your queen or her reputation. I hope you will accept it as such.”

Thea nodded in grudging acknowledgement. “You are right, Briala. And I will say that, unless I am given a compelling reason otherwise, your secrets are safe as well.”

 

* * *

 

 

The building that housed the Fereldan Intelligence Network did not look like much from the outside, which Thea supposed was an intentional choice. In fact, if one did not know where it was, it would be very easy to miss it entirely. On the inside, however, the department was a hive of activity: secrets, knowledge, and information were traded here at a dizzying pace, and all of it was overseen by one very dangerous woman.

Thea had taken the earliest possible flight out of Orlais and, despite her inclinations to do otherwise, drove straight to the FIN. She knocked once on Leliana’s door and, when she heard a soft command to enter, stepped into the spymaster’s office. She was always slightly amused by the other woman’s workspace: a contrast of clean lines and high tech workstations against framed photos of her many pet nugs and the fresh bouquets of Andraste’s Grace flowers that Leliana always kept on her desk. She gave Thea a small smile as she approached.

“Thea, it is good to see you,” she spoke softly, as she almost always did. “I have been hearing the most interesting rumors coming out of the palace. It seems that _someone_ has been visiting Teyrn Mac Tir with some frequency. A certain red-headed woman with stormy eyes…”

Thea just shrugged with a small smile of her own. “You know I often have business at the palace Lel. And the queen’s father _is_ one of her closest advisors, so it is natural that I have reason to speak with him.” She knew damn well she was not fooling anyone, but she also knew that Leliana would enjoy the hidden romance aspect of it, so she played along.

“Naturally,” Leliana laughed. “But I know you did not come here for my domestic observations. At your suggestion, I looked into warden activity in the Western Approach, and Briala was at least being honest with you on that point: there has been a significant uptick in travel and construction in that region. Believe it or not, it looks as though they are trying to reclaim the old warden fortress at Adamant.”

“Adamant?” Thea repeated incredulously. “That heap has been abandoned for years, since the beginning of the Blessed Age. It is in the middle of a blighted desert, for Maker’s sake. What in the world are they doing out there?”

Leliana shook her head. “That, I cannot tell you. I _can_ tell you that there has obviously been a significant influx of financing, however. Someone is pouring a massive amount of money into that place. Even more troubling, there are a great number of wardens gathering there. If I did not know any better, I would say someone is trying to build an army.”

“Oh, _wonderful_ ,” Thea drawled. “Because we needed another complication to this mess.”

“I know,” Leliana replied sympathetically. “It is possible that it is just a coincidence, but…”

“When is it _ever_ a coincidence?” Thea pinched the bridge of her nose with a sigh. “Ok. I’ll talk to Thom, see if he can’t get in touch with his contacts in the wardens. I think he’s still friendly with a few of them, and if I tell him it is a favor for me I’m sure he’ll help us out.”

“I have no doubt,” Leliana spoke carefully, “however, would it not be easier to contact an _actual_ warden? Why not speak with Alistair?”

Thea raised an eyebrow in skepticism. “Why do you think?”

“Ah, right,” Leliana gave her a small smile. “Perhaps there is more to those rumors coming from the palace than _someone_ would care to admit.”

Thea gave her a half smile in return.

“Perhaps there is.”

 

* * *

 

 

By the time Thea left Leliana’s office, it was late in the afternoon, and a steady autumn rain had begun to fall. She glanced at her phone and briefly debated going straight home instead of to the office, but she knew that Cataline would be waiting. Thea had specifically asked her to stay late so that they could debrief when she returned from Orlais. Instead, she sent a brief text to Loghain to let him know she would be home shortly, and then drove the short distance from Leliana’s office to the towering building that housed Seawolf and Steed on its top floors.

When she stepped out of the elevator, she gave a brief nod to Lace as she left for the day, then approached Cat’s office. To her surprise, there was more than one voice speaking behind the closed door. She knocked once, then entered. Cat looked up, giving her cousin a slightly sheepish smile.

And sitting across from her was Alistair Theirin.

 


	23. With the Stars Above

_When I feel alone_   
_I reach for you_   
_And you bring me home_   
_When I'm lost at sea_   
_I hear your voice_   
_And it carries me._

 

-“Heaven is a Place on Earth” by Belinda Carlisle

 

* * *

 

 

Loghain heard the front door slam, and he knew Theadosia must be home. She had sent him a final brief text message when she had left her office, and though she had been vague on the details he had surmised that her meeting with her cousin had not gone as she had expected. Next followed the sounds of her handbag and coat being tossed unceremoniously on the couch in the living room, and of her boots being kicked off and a series of muttered swears as she stripped her socks away before she stalked into the kitchen where he was waiting at the table. He stood when she entered the room, letting her fall into his arms without a word and simply holding her while she shook with silent rage.

“I. Am going. To _kill_ my cousin,” she growled against his chest. He sighed and stroked her hair gently.

“What exactly did she do, Theadosia?”

She stepped back and threw up her hands in frustration. “I specifically told her that I was going to contact Thom Rainier and ask _him_ to get in touch with his connections in the wardens. I was very, _very_ specific about _not_ getting Alistair Theirin involved with any of this. And what does she fucking do? She goes behind my back and gets Alistair involved. And now _he_ has convinced her that _he_ should be the one to go to Adamant Fortress to investigate. He says it is a ‘grey warden matter’ and that a grey warden should be the one to handle it.”

“And is there a reason she did this?” He asked, although he suspected he already knew the answer.

“Damned if I know,” Theadosia muttered under her breath. “Probably because they’re friends. Cat and Alistair go way back; much further than he and I do, and they’ve always been closer than he and I have been. She probably thought he would be hurt if he found out we were poking at the wardens without talking to him first. Cat doesn’t like stepping on feelings if she can avoid it, which I suppose I get, but _still_.” She huffed angrily. “You have to understand, it is not that I dislike Alistair. I consider him a friend, I really do. But I cannot help but fear that this is going to be a gigantic waste of our time, and time is one resource we do not have in abundance right now, as we are trying to prevent a maker damned war. I could probably go cry to Nathaniel, have him try to talk her out of it, since he’s always been a bit wary of Alistair. Not jealous, exactly, just… cautious. He would do it for me if I asked, but I do not particularly want to put him in a position where he is trying to mediate between his wife and his best friend.”

Loghain watched as she stepped away and began pacing the kitchen floor. “You do not believe your… friend… will be able to get any information from his brothers and sisters in arms?”

Theadosia’s shoulders slumped, and she suddenly looked very tired. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “But I doubt it. Alistair is a loyal soldier and a good man, but he is no politician, and he is _definitely_ not a diplomat. He is, in fact, at the very bottom of a long list of people I would have rather sent, but he has Cat on his side, and so my hands are tied. Either way, I am not willing to leave this to him alone: I’m hedging my bets and having Thom reach out to his contacts as well, just as I originally planned before Cataline got it into her head to ignore all common sense and practicality. I am not willing to fight with her over this.” She shook her head. “I am, however, a little hurt that she felt the need to go behind my back. She could have told me the truth.”

“Yes, but you know why she did not,” he pointed out. “And you know it is because of me.”

“You are a part of my life now, Loghain,” she replied, her tone quieter. “She has accepted that.”

“Alright, love,” he pulled her back into his arms and kissed the top of her head. “You know, I hate to say this… I _truly_ hate to say this, but… well, the boy may be right.”

“ _What_.”

Loghain shrugged. “I am not particularly happy about it either. But the wardens are a secretive lot at best; it is part of why I argued against Maric allowing the order back into Ferelden when he did. They claim to be politically neutral, but how often has that ever worked out? In any case, it does seem more likely that they will divulge their secrets to a fellow member of the order rather than an outsider, especially a well-respected member such as your… friend. I may not have much use for the boy, but if he can serve a purpose, then by all means use him. I would much rather see him put _his_ ass on the line than yours.”

Theadosia arched onto her toes, her lips meeting his, and he could feel her smile against him. “Well, when you put it _that_ way…” She leaned her head against his shoulder with a quiet sigh. “Maker, but I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Theadosia,” he murmured against the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her, still a little surprised at just how very true his statement was. “Now,” he held her out at arm’s length so he could meet her eyes. “I know you have had a very long few days. Why don’t you go pour yourself a glass of wine, and I will run you a bath in that monstrosity you call a bathtub.”

She laughed, and the sound lightened the atmosphere in the room considerably. “That sounds _amazing_. I think I have the perfect bottle for this too. Should be on my ‘rewards for not killing someone’ shelf.”

He shook his head with a small smile, then went up the stairs to start the bathwater. When he heard her come into the bedroom and start undressing, he called out, “do you want your book?”

She peeked in, holding up a pair of wine glasses and a bottle and wearing absolutely nothing. “I would rather have company.”

“I can work with that,” he nodded, stepping out long enough to shed his own clothes before slipping into the tub behind her, letting her lean back against his chest with a long sigh.

“I’m sorry I came home in such a mood,” she murmured, taking a long sip of her wine. “That is not at all how I pictured coming back to you.”

“Oh?” He asked quietly, moving his hands to rub her shoulders, trying to ease away some of the tension he knew she was carrying more often than not these days. “And was this something you thought about often? You were only gone three days, you know.”

“And yet somehow I still managed to miss you terribly. I have always been an overachiever, after all. Although, in both scenarios, there was absolutely no clothing involved.”

He gave a short breath of laughter, pulling her up onto his lap so that he could kiss a trail down the back of her neck and along her shoulders. “I think you needed this chance to relax more than you needed anything else, Sweetheart.”

She tilted her neck with a small hum, allowing him better access. “And you are so certain of what I need, are you?”

“I think I have a fair idea, yes.” Loghain ran his hand gently down her spine, prompting another low moan from the woman in his arms. “Theadosia, love… when was the last time you actually took a break? When was the last time you took a vacation?”

“Damn it, Loghain… I don’t know,” she sighed. “A few years, maybe? There has just been so much to do, getting ready to take over the company, and helping Anora. There just hasn’t been time.”

“No,” he corrected, “You have not _made_ time. Which I suppose should not surprise me, but you ought to know better.”

“Alright then, since you seem to know so much…” she shifted her body so that she was facing him, straddling his lap, her arms around his neck. “What do you suggest I do about it, exactly?”

“Well,” he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. “I need to go back to Gwaren, at least for a few days, to take care of some business that I have let pile up. For some reason, I have found it increasingly difficult to tear myself away from Denerim recently. Can’t imagine why.”

She laughed softly, leaning down and trailing kisses down his cheek and jaw. “Hmm… I wonder…”

“In any case,” he took a deep breath, trying to focus on his words rather than the sensation of her lips against his skin. “I really do need to go back. I had initially planned on the shortest trip possible, but if you could be persuaded to go with me, I could easily stretch it out into a couple of weeks. I believe I owe you a visit to the archives, if I am not mistaken, and it will take some time before you get any results back from the Theirin boy.”

“You make a compelling argument, tempting me with old books like that,” she agreed, pressing a gentle kiss against his temple before leaning back slightly to meet his eyes. “You really want me to come with you? You’re not worried about what people might say?”

“Are you?” He countered, raising an eyebrow.

“Not remotely, but then, I’ve always been the black sheep of the family,” she gave him her small half smile. “Well… not really a black sheep… more like the wolf amongst the flock. Either way, I would love to go with you. You’re right: it has been far, _far_ too long since I took a vacation, or even much time for myself period. I will let Cataline know tomorrow that I am taking some personal time. After the stunt she pulled today, I doubt she will protest too much, nor will I be much inclined to care even if she did.”

“Good,” he gently cupped the back of her neck in his hand and pulled her closer, kissing her long and slow, drinking in the taste of her. “I am glad, Theadosia,” he whispered when they parted, his forehead resting against hers. “I think you will like Gwaren. Or at least, I sincerely hope you will.”

“Mmm,” she murmured, resting her head against his shoulder and nestling close to his chest. “You’ll be there, Loghain. I’m sure I will be just fine.”


	24. The Place That I've Been Dreaming Of

_I walked across an empty land_  
_I knew the pathway like the back of my hand_  
_I felt the earth beneath my feet_  
_Sat by the river and it made me complete._

 

-“Somewhere Only We Know” by Keane

 

* * *

 

 

The early winter sky above Gwaren was heavy with silver clouds and the muted threat of snow when she finally emerged from the archives, but even still the sudden contrast of grey light against the dimness of the interior made Thea blink rapidly a few times before her eyes adjusted. When they did, she smiled to see Loghain approaching. He had been there to pick her up every day, without fail, on those days she had spent in the archives rather than in Castle Gwaren, and every day she had been unable to keep herself from being unreasonably happy that he was there, and _she_ was there, and that for the first time they did not have to hide anything. The people of the teyrnir simply went about their lives, and if they noticed the unfamiliar redhead in the arms of their teyrn, they said little about it. At least, not that she heard.

The city was strangely isolated from the rest of the country, despite its significance as a maritime trade center. It was, in fact, one of only two regions in Ferelden whose trade was not handled by Seawolf and Steed; the only other one was the sovereign Avvar region of the Frostback Basin.  Bounded by the Amaranthine Ocean on one border and the wilds of the Brecilian Forest on all others, it truly felt as though it were a world apart, rather than a short flight from the capitol, and the attitudes of its people reflected that independence.

She was already a week into her two week vacation, and already, Thea was dreading having to go back to the real world. She had not been this happy in years, if she ever really had been. On the days when Loghain actually had to get some work done, she spent hours and hours wandering the famous Gwaren archives, her attention being pulled in a dozen different directions every time she managed to look up from whatever book had caught her eye. The first day Loghain had walked with her into the endless halls, she had very nearly wept, and in fact she had been a bit startled when he reached a gentle hand up to her cheek to brush away a tear that had escaped her notice. This was the first time since she had come back to Ferelden that she had been allowed to bury herself in history and research, and she was reveling in it.

Yet as much as she loved her time in the archives… somehow Thea loved even more the days she was able to spend just with him, exploring the city or spending time together at home. When the weather cooperated, they would walk Gwaren’s streets for hours, and Loghain would point out his favorite restaurants or shops she might like, or just points of historical interest he thought she would appreciate. On days when the rain was too cold or torrential to venture outside, they would instead pass the time in his library. She had immediately made a point to have him bring in someone to tune the damn piano, which obviously hadn’t been done in an age, and to her pleased surprised he would sometimes sit down at the instrument with her and hesitantly play a few notes. Other times, they would simply pull a book from the expansive shelves and she would sit beside him as they both read, occasionally pausing to brush a kiss against each other’s lips or cheeks or to share an interesting passage.

His second in command, Cauthrien, still gave her an occasional sideways glance that reminded Thea the other woman was still not convinced she belonged there, but Thea honestly could not be bothered to care. She had fallen in love with Gwaren just as easily as she had fallen in love with its Teyrn, and she knew it was going to be damned difficult to convince herself to return to Denerim. She loved her house by the sea, and she loved her friends and family there, but this… this was something entirely different. Here, she could just be _Thea_. She didn’t have to be Cataline’s cousin, or Seawolf’s CEO, or Anora’s advisor. She was just herself, and she was the truest and most complete version or herself, and that realization was both amazing and terrifying.

For now, she was trying to keep herself in the moment. She knew her time in Gwaren would be precious and all too brief, and she wanted to drink in every moment of it. Thea attempted to brush some of the dust off of her clothes and only partially succeeded, sighing in resignation. Loghain stepped forward to put his arms around her, but she held up a hand. “I would wait, love, until I have had a good long shower. I finally made it back into the texts from the ancient period today, and you should _really_ have a chat with the staff about how often that space gets dusted. The codices themselves were fine; most of them were protected anyways, but if the rest of the room is not being maintained and anything gets contaminated…” she trailed off, distracted by the slightly amused smile tugging at his mouth. “And I should not be rambling, nor should I probably be dictating to you what you do in your own teyrnir.”

“Theadosia, I happen to love your enthusiasm.” He reached out a hand and gently tilted her chin up, brushing a kiss against the one spot on her cheek that was relatively dust-free. “I could listen to you talk for hours just for the privilege of hearing your voice, but as it stands, yes, I will see to it that those rooms are dusted properly more often.”

She laughed softly as they walked back to the car, her fingers lacing easily with his. It had almost become a habit, at this point, and one that would be difficult to break when they returned to the capitol. Thea settled easily into the car, a sigh of contentment escaping her lips before she could think better of it. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Loghain smile slightly.

“I take it you had a good day? What caught your interest this time?”

“I did,” she nodded. “I was digging through some of the old, old, _old_ dwarven records on the sea trade that used to go through here. Of course, my dwarven language skills are atrocious, so it was rather slow going. I was not able to get through nearly as much as I would have liked,” she confessed with a hint of regret. “I was hoping you might be persuaded to let me come back and visit again after I have had a chance to brush up on my rune studies.”

“I wanted to speak with you about that, actually,” he remarked as they arrived home. “But I know you wanted to take a shower. It can wait.”

Thea felt hope warring with anxiety in her heart. “It doesn’t _have_ to wait, you know. The shower will still be there.”

Loghain chuckled softly. “I promise, Theadosia, I do not think you will be displeased. Go take your shower; I am going to go try and finish my work so that I have the day free tomorrow to spend with you. Assuming, of course,” he smiled slightly, “That I can keep myself from being distracted by _thoughts_ of you.”

 

* * *

 

 

She was standing at the glass doors leading out to the balcony in his bedroom, wrapped in his bathrobe and her hair still hanging damp down her back, when he finally came upstairs. “You know,” he noted as he stood beside her and wrapped an arm around her waist, “I am sure we could find you your own robe.”

“We could. But I like _this_ one,” she glanced up at him, daring him to argue. “It smells like you. Well, for the moment. Give me a few days, it will probably smell like _my_ soap.”

“Well then I will _definitely_ want it back.”

Thea smiled, leaning her head against his shoulder and looking out over the sea where it raged and crashed against the rocky shore. “It is so beautiful here,” she murmured. “I love the sea in the north; I do. But this…” she gestured out over the horizon, “this is _beautiful_. It is so wild, and it just… it touches my soul, I suppose.” She breathed a sigh of contentment.

“You seem happy here,” he observed, his hand running lightly over her hair, fingers gently untangling damp curls and making her shiver pleasantly.

“I am,” she agreed. “I can understand why you came back here, after… after everything that happened. There is a peace in the chaos, isn’t there? Knowing that the sea is beyond your power to control, and embracing it nonetheless.”

Loghain laughed slightly, the sound vibrating through his chest and against her cheek. “Sounds familiar.”

“Perhaps,” she laughed, “Though I would argue I am less likely to dash your body on the rocks and sand.”

“Ah, well. I suppose one can’t have everything,” Loghain kissed the top of her head as she shook it with a small smile. “But you are right: It was, and still is, good for me to come back to this place.” Thea heard him pause slightly, and she knew he was considering his next words. “I will have to start doing so more often, after the winter holiday. I have been too lax about letting things pile up, and putting too much on Cauthrien. It is not fair to her, or to Gwaren. I will still be there for Anora, for as long as she needs me, but…”

Thea felt her entire body tense, and she took a deep breath to try and relax again before he noticed, but of course he already had. “How _much_ more often?” She asked, struggling to keep the tremor from her voice.

“Well,” he replied slowly, “After Satinalia in the capitol, I plan on alternating every two weeks: two weeks in Denerim, two weeks here.”

“Oh.”

“Theadosia,” to her surprise he laughed again softly, pulling her into his arms and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I want you to come with me.”

“What?” She whispered, taking a step back and looking up at him, his words not fully sinking in.

“I want you to come with me, Theadosia. There is no reason you cannot work remotely from here; you said yourself you work from home half the time anyways. You can have any room you want to turn into an office, and you would still be in the capitol half the time, so you would not have to abandon your life there, and… Theadosia?”

She could feel the tears coming too late, her mind still moving through a fog. Then, before she could do anything to stop it, she was sobbing, and Loghain was holding her tight against his chest, his hand rubbing her back as he tried to soothe her.

“Theadosia… Sweetheart, it’s alright. I’m sorry. If you don’t want to leave Denerim, then I will figure something out, I just need some time to-” The rest of her words were cut off as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to meet his lips with hers.

“Damn it, Loghain,” she managed, her voice cracking through the tears, “I am not crying because I am unhappy.” She sniffed, annoyed at how very pathetic she sounded. “The problem is that, for the past several months, I have been happier than I have probably been the rest of my life. _You_ make me happy, Loghain Mac Tir, and my mind and,” she hesitated, leaning her forehead back against his chest, “and my heart; they are a little rusty at processing it.”

“You make me happy as well, Theadosia. I love you,” he murmured, tilting her chin up so he could brush away her tears. “So does that mean you would be willing to uproot half of your life?”

She gave a short gasp of laughter. “Darling, if it weren’t for my family and friends in Denerim, I’d be willing to uproot my entire life. But yes, I think we can safely say that I would be more than willing to come with you to Gwaren while you are here. Although,” she raised an eyebrow in mock concern, “aren’t you worried about what the people will say, if you have a strange woman moving in with you? And I am a _particularly_ strange woman.”

“I will take my chances,” he gave her a small smile. “You are worth it. Here,” he reached into his pocket and produced a key ring with several keys on it. “I was going to save this in case you needed further incentive, but since you did not consider it simply a gift.”

Thea frowned slightly, examining the keys. Some she recognized as keys to Castle Gwaren, but several she did not. When she looked at him in question, his smile widened a fraction.

“The ones you probably do not recognize are the keys to the archives. You will be able to get into any room you like, whenever you like.” He reached up and gently cupped her cheek in his hand. “I know you keep saying you have given up on writing that book you wanted to… but I wish you would reconsider.”

“You are going to make me cry again,” she whispered. She looked up, her eyes meeting his. “My entire life… nearly everyone has treated my inclinations towards history as a hobby. Something that was fine to do on the side, but not something that could ever take the place of my ‘real’ career. I think… I think you are the first person who has ever taken it seriously. So thank you.”

“Of course, Theadosia. And I am glad I managed to not make you cry twice in one day, although I suspect that would have been quite the accomplishment. I have to wonder how many others have simply subscribed to the belief that you are quite indestructible?”

“I suppose I will have to trust that you will keep my secret,” she retorted, “And allow them their delicate illusions. In the meantime,” she set the keys aside on the bedside table before slowly undoing the knot on the robe and letting it drop to the floor, “I do have _one_ alternative to helpless sobbing.”

She laughed as they fell into bed, and allowed herself to acknowledge that, yes.

She was truly happy.

 


	25. The One at the Sail

_Second things second_  
_Don't you tell me what you think that I could be_  
_I'm the one at the sail_  
_I'm the master of my sea._

-“Believer” by Imagine Dragons

 

* * *

 

 

“So,” Loghain asked as they carried suitcases into the house, “You do not think your cousin will give you too much grief about being gone more often? Especially given who you are running off with…”

Theadosia turned and gave him her half smile. “I doubt it. I am not abandoning the company, and if she misses me that terribly Gwaren is only a couple of hours away by plane. She has Nathaniel now, in any case. Cat does not need me like she once did.”  She did not seem particularly bitter about the thought. “Have you told Anora, yet? I would be more concerned about her reaction.”

“Not yet,” he admitted. “She knows I never intended to stay away from Gwaren forever, and things have been quiet with Orlais. I am not abandoning her entirely either, but she has managed just fine on her own for the past five years, and I have absolutely no reason to believe she will not continue to do so.”

“You know what I think I will like best about Gwaren?” She asked, opening her suitcase and tossing a pile of clothes into the laundry hamper before turning to face him, hand on her hip, the same almost-smile playing on her lips. “Fewer distractions. And yet,” she laughed quietly as she stepped closer to him, slipping easily into his arms, “so _very_ many more.”

“You are impossible, woman, you know that?” He brushed a kiss against her lips, muffling her giggle.

“And yet, you still love me. What does that say about you, I wonder?” She danced away on delicate feet, eyes sparking with a light he had come to realize she shared with so very few people.

“That I clearly have excellent taste,” he retorted. “And yes,” he caught her hand and pulled her back into his arms, kissing her properly this time, “I _do_ love you.”

“I love you, too,” she breathed, fitting her body against his. Loghain would never grow tired of this: of simply being able to hold her. They were both jarred from the quiet moment by the sound of Theadosia’s phone vibrating insistently with an incoming call. She rolled her eyes, but answered.

“Hey, Catkin. Yes, I had a lovely vacation, thank you,” she shot him a brief smile. “I hope that _someone_ made progress while I was away? Ok… ok…” Theadosia sat beside him on the bed, leaning her head against his shoulder. “Well that’s good though, isn’t it? No, don’t get cross with me simply because my choice worked better… I know… I’m sorry, Cat, that was uncalled for… Ok… Sure. Why don’t you and Nate come over after dinner and we can catch up? Love you too, Catkin. Bye.” Theadosia threw herself back against the bed with a sigh, and he lay down beside her, one arm propping up his head while the other rested on her stomach.

“She has news, I take it?”

“Mmhmm,” Theadosia mumbled sleepily. “Big surprise: Alistair wasn’t able to get anything useful from the Wardens: apparently they stonewalled him at every turn, which is pretty much _exactly_ what I told her was going to happen. This situation requires subtlety, not a direct approach. Apparently, my friend Thom _was_ able to make some headway, which of course has irritated Cataline to no end because it means I was right, but she’ll get over it. She’s coming over tonight to discuss what our next move should be.”

“So,” he asked, a little uncertainly, “should I make myself scarce? I could go back to the palace…”

“Why?” She asked, her tone genuinely confused. “Loghain, you have as much right to be here as anyone. Besides,” she rolled over onto her side and smiled at him, and he knew that he would have given her the world in that moment. “I want you there.”

He smiled back. “Fair enough.”

 

* * *

 

 

The front door opened, ushering in a gust of frigid air as well as Nathaniel Howe. Theadosia stood from where they had been sitting on the couch and wrapped her friend in an enthusiastic embrace, smiling as he brushed a kiss to the top of her head. Nathaniel gave Loghain a nod and a small smile before stepping closer and lowering his voice while Theadosia turned to greet her cousin.

“I am glad you are here, Loghain,” he sighed. “If anyone can keep my best friend from killing my wife…”

“What in the world are you talking about?” Loghain asked with a small frown. “Theadosia adores Cataline, why would she…”

“What is _he_ doing here?”

Nathaniel pinched the bridge of his nose briefly before giving Loghain an unexpectedly apologetic glance and turning around to face the newest arrival. Alistair Theirin stood in the doorway just behind Cataline, glaring at him and Theadosia in turn. To his surprise, Loghain was far more irritated about the look Alistair was giving Theadosia, and she looked none too happy either.

“He is _here_ , Alistair, because _I want him here_. Or am I no longer permitted to decide who is and is not welcome in this house?” Theadosia’s voice held a razor-sharp edge, and her friend seemed to back down slightly.

“You can’t possibly expect me to be happy about this,” Alistair grumbled.

“I was not expecting you at all,” Theadosia shot an accusing glance at her cousin, who was studiously avoiding her gaze. “And no, I do not expect you to be happy. What I expect is for you to behave like an adult and treat Loghain with the same respect and courtesy I demand for everyone I invite here. If you cannot do so, I suggest that you let Cataline fill me in and then you and I will speak later.”

Alistair spared one final baleful glare in Loghain’s direction, then shrugged with a sigh and followed Cataline and Theadosia into the kitchen. Nathaniel made as though to follow, but Loghain caught his arm briefly.

“Are you certain I should not disappear at this point?” He asked the younger man, but Nathaniel just shook his head emphatically.

“Absolutely not. Alistair is actually in the wrong here, more or less: Thea’s house has always been a safe harbor: neutral ground. Even Morrigan and Vivienne do not snipe at each other much when they are here for the holidays or other gatherings, but Alistair has just breached that peace, and he knows better. Hopefully her warning will be enough, but if Thea thinks that you’ve been chased off _because_ of Alistair, she is going to be furious. I don’t want her saying or doing something she will regret later.” Nathaniel sighed. “Of course, we could have avoided all of this if Cat had just talked to Thea or Alistair, explained…” With a shrug and a toss of his head, he indicated that they should join the others where they were gathered around the kitchen table. Loghain sat down besides Theadosia, and she placed a gentle hand on his knee beneath the table. It was a simple gesture, but he was oddly grateful for it.

“Alright, Alistair,” Theadosia gave her friend a small smile, and her voice was less combative and more even. “What happened in the Approach? Cat said the wardens were less than forthcoming.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” Alistair rolled his eyes. “I’m not the _most_ senior member of the wardens, but I’ve been around for a while. There is not much that is kept secret from me, but whatever is going on in that monstrosity is apparently above my pay grade. I can confirm what Leliana told you: someone is pouring a lot of time, money, and resources into that old heap. It is, once again, becoming a veritable fortress. To what end, I still have no idea. The project is being overseen by Warden Commander Clarel de Chansons.”

“Because _of course_ it’s an Orlesian,” Loghain muttered before he could stop himself, earning another glare from Alistair.

“Better an _Orlesian_ warden who understands honor than-”

“Alistair,” Cataline stepped in, a ghost of warning in her tone beneath the gentleness, “What else did you learn?”

“Not much,” he admitted, running a hand through his sandy hair. “I tried to get a meeting with Clarel, but was rebuffed at every turn which is, again, odd. I have never had a problem speaking with her before, but this time she was constantly ‘busy’ or ‘unavailable.’ It was frustrating to say the least.”

“We appreciate you making the effort, Alistair,” Theadosia spoke up. “Really.”

Her friend shot her a brief smile of his own. “Of course, Teddy girl. I really do want to help. The order has been on edge ever since Ostagar; whatever those diseased… things… were that came from the Deep Roads, they are a serious threat. There has not been another major incursion yet, but that is not to say there won’t be. And after we lost so much at Ostagar…” he shrugged. “It was a bloodbath. At least,” he made a sideways glance in Loghain’s direction, “For those of us who actually had the balls to show up.”

Had they been almost anywhere else, and had it been for anyone’s sake but Theadosia’s, Loghain may have lost his temper. He may have shouted, and argued, and thrown back all the anger and hurt that Alistair seemed intent on throwing at him. Instead, at his side, he could practically feel Theadosia’s nerves finally snap.

“Alistair Theirin, that is ENOUGH,” She stood, her fist slamming onto the table with surprising force, startling everyone. Loghain considered intervening, but knew she would probably not appreciate it. When she spoke again, her voice had pitched down to just above a whisper, but was trembling with rage. “I warned you, Alistair. Honestly, if you were not my friend, you would not have even gotten so much as that. But I will _not_ have you speaking to him that way.”

“Thea,” Cataline spoke up quietly, “Alistair has a right to be angry about what happened…”

“It happened five fucking years ago! How are you sitting there defending him?” Theadosia’s voice was rising again, and for the first time since he had met her, Loghain could see why her temper was feared: he had never seen the rage that sparked and crackled in the storm of her eyes like he did now, and he was sincerely grateful that her ire had never been turned on him. “I never said his feelings were not valid. But there are expectations in this house, and I would hope that as my _friend_ he would be able to respect that.”

“Um, I’m sitting right here,” Alistair chimed in, although he quickly fell silent when both women glared at him before returning their attention to each other.

“He’s one of my best friends, Thea,” Cataline was standing now as well, and there was a fire burning in her gaze. “You cannot ask me to sit here and let you attack someone I care about when he has done nothing wrong.”

“Done nothing wrong? Seriously? And you expect me to let him attack someone _I_ care about?” Theadosia shot back. “In _my fucking house?_ I expect better from him, and I expect a void of a lot better from you, Cataline Howe! You fucked us both over by bringing Alistair here without warning either him or me!”

“Well what did you damn well expect when you brought _him_ in?” Cataline’s pitch nearly matched Theadosia’s at this point, and Loghain exchanged a brief glance with Nathaniel, who just sighed and shook his head. It was painfully apparent that neither of them could do a damn thing to ameliorate what was a rapidly deteriorating situation.

“ _He_ belongs here!” Theadosia countered. “You brought Alistair without so much as a word, or even giving me a choice to tell you not to!”

“I shouldn’t have had to!” Cataline shouted. “Alistair is our friend. Loghain is…” she stopped short, her face suddenly going pale as she glanced at him, her expression more apologetic than he expected.

“Theadosia,” Loghain finally murmured, and he risked letting his hand move to the small of her back, “I am _not worth this_.”

It was, apparently, the wrong thing to say. He felt her entire body go rigid beneath his touch, and he moved his hand away. Her eyes shut briefly, and when she opened them again the storm had turned to steel. “You two,” she pointed to Alistair and Cataline, her voice barely above a whisper, “have no right to tell me who I can and cannot allow in this house, nor do you have any right to insult those who I have offered sanctuary here. And you,” she turned to face him, her gaze still hard, “have no fucking right to decide what you are worth to me.” With that, she turned on her heel and stormed out of the room and up the stairs. He heard the bedroom door slam, and then the house fell silent.

“Loghain, I-” There were tears hovering just behind Cataline’s eyes, “I did not mean…”

“No,” he shook his head, “I know what you meant, and it is fine. It is nothing less than I deserve.”

“You deserve better than the way you have been treated tonight,” she corrected him softly, and he could hear honest regret in her tone. “I apologize.”

“You’re apologizing to _him_?” Alistair snapped. “To Thea, maybe. Probably. But to _him_?”

Cataline just sighed and shook her head. “Alistair, I think we should probably go. Nate, are you going to…?”

Nathaniel exchanged a glance with him, and Loghain inclined his head slightly. _I will speak with her_. Nathaniel nodded in understanding, then stood. “No,” he replied, “I think she will be alright. Let’s just go home.” He stood and helped Cataline with her coat before ushering her and Alistair out the front door. Nathaniel looked back with a small, wry smile.

“Good luck.”

 

* * *

 

Theadosia was lying facedown on the bed clutching her beloved Teddy Bear when he quietly opened the door to the bedroom and stepped inside. Loghain lay down beside her, placing a careful hand on her back and rubbing gently. When she turned to face him, he could see that the storm in her eyes had calmed somewhat, but she also looked as though she had been crying. Once again, a Theirin man had hurt a woman he cared about, and he had to take a deep breath to quell his own anger. It seemed to be a pattern intent on repeating itself despite his best efforts.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” she whispered, curling up closer to him and resting her head on his arm. “I just…”

“Shh, it’s alright, Sweetheart,” he pressed a kiss against her forehead. “All I meant was that I do not want to be the one to come between you and Cataline. I know how much the two of you mean to each other. And, Theadosia,” he hesitated, “You have to understand: you will not be able to pick a fight with everyone who says something like that to me. Especially since, most of the time, it will be justified.”

“I know,” she sniffed. “I know that too many people will never see or understand the man that I know; that I love. But Alistair is my friend, and Cat is as good as my sister. I expect _better_ from them. I was not going to allow either of them to treat you that way in our home.”

 _Our home_. The words came so easily to her, and yet they struck at his heart in a way Loghain had not entirely expected. Even more unexpected was the realization that he _did_ consider this his home, now.

“Well,” he spoke slowly, “I imagine your ‘friend,’” he tried not to roll his eyes as he spoke the word, “Is probably feeling like _you_ betrayed _him_. I am not saying that is fair, or right, but it is what it is. And I will not fault Cataline for defending her friend.”

“Oh I damn well will,” Theadosia grumbled, and he smiled slightly. “Loghain,” she tilted her chin up so that her eyes met his, “You know that… that if I am forced to make a choice…”

“You will not be,” he pressed a kiss to her lips before she could finish her thought. He already knew what she was going to say; the sacrifice she was willing to make, and he made a silent promise to ensure she would never have to make it.

 

* * *

 

 

Loghain woke before Theadosia the next morning. It was Sunday, so there was no particularly reason to wake her up, and she looked so peaceful that he did not have the heart to do so. He brushed a gentle kiss against her temple, then carefully slipped out of bed and walked downstairs, switching on the coffee maker and opening the front door to retrieve the newspaper. He was slightly amused by Theadosia’s insistence on still receiving a physical copy of the paper when she could get the exact same information online, but he appreciated it nonetheless. Like her, he enjoyed the feel of print beneath his hands.

To his surprise, Cataline Howe was standing on the front porch when he opened the door, her hand poised as though she were about to knock. When she saw him, her eyes flickered with something that might have been guilt. “Loghain,” she nodded slightly, “I… I was hoping I could speak to you. Do you have a moment?”

Loghain nodded with a small sigh, opening the door and allowing her in. “Don’t you have a key?” He asked after he had set a kettle on for tea, remembering Theadosia’s mentioning her cousin’s preference for the drink.

She nodded. “I do, but I was not just going to waltz in here without knocking. Thea and I respect each other’s space: especially now that… now that it is not just Thea’s space.” She gave him a small smile as he handed over her tea and sat down across from her, taking a sip of his coffee.

Cataline stared at her teacup for a long moment before she spoke again, her gentle voice quiet. “I truly am sorry, Loghain, if I made you feel as though you were not welcome here. I know that you have to deal with enough of that everywhere else; you should not have to deal with it in your own home.”

He glanced up at her, and his surprise must have been written more clearly on his face than he thought because she gave a quiet trill of laughter. “Oh, you may not have admitted it yet, but Nathaniel and I know that this is your home just as much as it is Thea’s. And she was right, although I probably shouldn’t admit that to her: I should not have brought Alistair here without giving both him and Thea some warning. I had honestly hoped that he would respect the unspoken sanctuary of this house, but…” she shrugged sadly. “He really is a good person, I swear, he just… he is carrying around a lot of hurt.”

“I will take your word for the quality of his character,” Loghain replied carefully, “And I have no doubt that I am responsible for at least some of his anger. I will admit that, just as I will admit that I do not like the man, even less so now that he has upset my Theadosia. But if it will make her life easier, I will… tolerate his presence. As often as is unavoidable, at least.”

“I am sure that is all she would ever ask,” Cataline smiled gently, her violet eyes kind. “You do make her happy, you know that, yes? Happier than I think we have ever seen her.”

“I would like to believe so,” Loghain gave her a small smile of his own. “She means a great deal… she means _everything_ to me, Ms. Howe.”

“Please,” she corrected, “Just Cataline, or Cat. I would- I would like us to be friends, if you think it possible?” She raised her eyebrows in his direction.

Loghain nodded slowly. “I think so,” he said, “And I think I would like that as well. It would certainly make things easier, not only for us, but for Theadosia.”

“You’re not wrong.”

He turned to see Theadosia herself standing in the doorway wearing her flannel pajama pants and one of his old sweaters, her hair a fall of auburn over her shoulder and her eyes still slightly bleary for want of coffee. Loghain reached out a hand, and she stepped easily into his embrace as his arm wrapped around her hip and pulled her close. She bent and whispered a kiss against his lips before stepping away and reaching almost automatically for her favorite mug and pouring a cup of coffee for herself. Only when she had taken the first sip and settled back down beside him did she face her cousin.

“Thea,” Cataline spoke uncertainly, “I am sorry. I-”

“It’s fine, Catkin,” Theadosia sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder, and Loghain held her close. “I will not make you repeat the same apologies I am hoping you just made to Loghain. You and I are too close to let something like this destroy over twenty years of friendship and love. All I will add is that you better make it damn clear to Alistair that if he _ever_ speaks to Loghain that way again, he will not be welcome in this house. I like him, and I would like to remain friends with him, but I will absolutely not tolerate him treating the man I love with such open disrespect.”

“I know, Thea,” Cataline nodded meekly, “And I agree. I should not have brought him. Certainly not without giving you any warning. Forgive me?”

Theadosia smiled. “Of course, Catkin.” She looked up at him. “And are you two going to be ok?” Her gaze turned back to her cousin. “Cataline, you have to understand…”

“I do,” Cat nodded firmly, “And, yes.”

“I think we will be just fine.”

 


	26. Watch the Flames Burn Auburn

_And if the night is burning_  
_I will cover my eyes_  
_For if the dark returns_  
_Then my brothers will die._

 

-“I See Fire” by Ed Sheeran

 

* * *

 

 

“I appreciate it, Thom, thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Thea hung up the call with a satisfied smile. Loghain raised his brow in question, and she nodded.

“He was able to call in a few favors, tell a few white lies, and drop a few names. He was able to get us an appointment with Warden Commander Clarel, which means that there is now at least a fraction of a chance I may get some answers.” Thea sank back onto the sofa, leaning against Loghain’s shoulder with a sigh. “I just wish you were coming with.”

“I know, Sweetheart, but we both decided that is an ill-advised idea,” he ran his hand over her hair, his touch gentle over the long locks. She had purposely started wearing her hair down more often, instead of in its usual knot or braid, simply because she loved the way he absently played with it when she was curled up next to him. “For one thing, I cannot promise I will be able to hold my tongue if the Theirin boy treats you as disrespectfully as he did the other night. For another, the wardens and I do not exactly have a cordial working relationship. They still blame me for many of their number dying at Ostagar, although I would argue that was just as much _their_ fault for following my idiot son-in-law so blindly in the first place, and-”

“I know,” she agreed, silencing the rest of his list with a kiss. They had been over it before, and it would do neither of them any good to rehash all the reasons he would be staying in Denerim while she, Cat, Thom, and Alistair made the trip to the far outreaches of the Orlesian Empire. Void, _she_ did not particularly want to go, but she knew that if she wanted something done right… besides, she would prefer to give Anora a first hand account of whatever shit storm was brewing in the desert. “It does not mean I have to like it. And I don’t.”

“You will take care of yourself, yes?” The question was pitched low, almost below his breath, but it made Thea smile nonetheless.

“Of course. Besides, Cat is going along: she’s always been good at keeping me in line,” she laughed, but as the sound faded she murmured, “I will only be gone a few days; a week at the most.”

“Are you trying to reassure me,” he asked, “or yourself?”

“Take your pick,” she grumbled, burying her face against his shoulder, then she sighed. “I promise, one way or another, I have to be back by Satinalia Eve. Preferably earlier than that, since I am supposed to be cooking and baking for the party that night, and Anora expects me at the state dinner on Satinalia itself. I go every year, despite my best efforts to get out of it.”

“Well, at least this year,” he paused and pressed a kiss to her forehead, “You will have company. I cannot make any guarantees to the _quality_ of the company, but…”

“I will take my chances,” she retorted drily. “Now, come with me.”

“Where exactly are we going?”

“Upstairs,” Thea smiled to herself, knowing it was all the answer he really needed.

“If I have to spend the next week in a blighted desert, I’ll need all the pleasant memories I can get.”

 

* * *

 

Cataline picked her up at an ungodly hour the following morning. Thea kissed Loghain goodbye, promising to text him as soon as they landed in the Approach, then got into the car and accepted the cup of coffee her cousin had been thoughtful enough to bring along. Thea knew that the other woman was still feeling guilty about what had happened during their discussion the previous week, and she had done her best to reassure her that they were fine, but she also was not going to turn down caffeine.

When they arrived at the airport, she was not able to avoid being pulled aside by Alistair, who had least had the decency to look slightly sheepish. Thea could not remember the last time she had stayed upset this long, and she suspected that Alistair could see her temper still sparking behind her eyes.

“Look, Thea,” he sighed, “Teddy Girl… Cat explained to me that you and… _he_ … are friends now. I don’t like it, and I won’t try and lie and say that I do, but… I mean… you’re free to be friends with whoever you want...”

“How very generous of you,” she could practically feel the venom of her sarcasm, and she took a deep breath to try and adjust her tone. _He’s trying, cut him some slack_.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair and leaving it disheveled. “I won’t apologize to him; I can’t. It would be a lie. But I am sorry that I was disrespectful in your house. I know the rules as well as anyone, and I broke them. And I promise to be more mindful in the future.” He finished, looking up at her with such an endearing mix of hope and earnestness that she couldn’t help but smile even as she shook her head in exasperation.

“Ok, Alistair,” she conceded, “Apology accepted. Even if I suspect it was only prompted by your fear I would uninvite you to Satinalia Eve dinner and you would miss out on Bull’s famous holiday ham.”

“What, me? Ulterior motives? Never.” He grinned. “Perish the thought.”

Thea met his eyes, her expression growing serious. “Understand this, though, Alistair: I like you. You are my friend. But if you _ever_ speak to Loghain Mac Tir like that ever again, you will not be given another opportunity to do so. Clear?”

Alistair studied her carefully for a moment, and he looked as though he were about to ask her something when he seemed to think better of it, instead simply nodding. She gave him a small half smile, pressed a kiss to his cheek, then joined the others as they prepared to board the plane west.

They took a flight as far as Val Firmin, then picked up their rental car and began the long drive into the unforgiving reaches of the Western Approach. Thea had to admit that, if they had to be making the trek, she was grateful that they were doing so in the early days of winter rather than in the height of summer. Even as it stood, the air conditioning in the vehicle only just kept the interior temperature comfortable, and she knew that outside it would be unpleasantly warm.

It was a two day drive to Adamant Fortress, and when they finally arrived late in the evening on the second day Thea was pleasantly surprised to see that there was a warden representative waiting for them outside the main gate. Thom shook hands with the man warmly, then introduced him as Jean-Marc Stroud, one of the most senior members of the order in Orlais.

“Welcome,” the warden greeted them in a lilting accent, his voice kind but tired. “We are pleased to have you visit us all the way out here in what could rightly be called the middle of nowhere. There are precious few who would make the effort.”

“Didn’t seem so pleased when I came ‘round,” Alistair grumbled.

“Ah, yes,” Stroud sighed. “I apologize for that, Alistair. Perhaps I should amend my statement: _I_ am pleased you are here. There are matters afoot that…” he hesitated, glancing around before tossing his head and gesturing them into an unoccupied office before finishing his statement. “…That require a more subtle touch than I fear you initially presented us with.”

Thea could hear Cat sigh quietly beside her, and she resisted the urge to give her cousin a look that expressed all too clearly _I told you so_. Instead, she listened as their warden host continued.

“Several months ago, near the beginning of the year, Warden Commander Clarel was approached by a foreign agent who wished to forge an alliance against the new creatures, the ‘darkspawn,’ emerging from the deep roads,” he explained. “He offered military aid, funding, support services…”

“And what exactly did he expect in return?” Cataline asked warily.

“I do not have that answer,” Stroud admitted. “Perhaps Clarel will be willing to divulge that information to you, although I fear that you may have made a very long trip for nothing. She rarely shares her insights anymore, preferring to keep no counsel but her own and perhaps that of her mysterious ally.”

“Sounds familiar,” Alistair grumbled, earning him a sharp poke in the side from Cataline and a glare from Thea.

Stroud shrugged. “Still, I am cautiously optimistic that you may be able to steer her away from whatever course she is currently set upon.”

“You truly think she is making a mistake?” Thom asked, frowning slightly.

“Yes,” the warden sighed in resignation, “Yes, I do. The wardens are supposed to remain politically neutral; this is not always true in practice, but for the most part we have been circumspect in our actions, at least in recent years. Should Clarel truly follow through with this alliance, well…” Stroud shook his head. “You will see. Come. I will take you to the rooms we have set aside for you, and tomorrow you can speak with her for yourself.”

 

* * *

 

 

“I must say, Ms. Trevelyan, Ms. Howe,” Clarel’s voice was polite but clipped, her gaze wary as she faced their small party, “As honored as the wardens are by a visit from two of the most influential women in Ferelden, I admit I am a little unclear as to why you requested a meeting.”

“As am I,” spoke a thin, arrogant voice directly behind the warden commander, where stood a tall, sallow man with dark hair and sharp eyes. Thea could tell that he had done his best to dress in the local style, but everything else about him screamed Tevinter. He had been introduced as Livius Erimond, an ambassador from the Imperium. His presence explained why Stroud had been so cagey: wardens playing with political fire in the southern continent was dicey enough, but if even a whisper of an alliance with the Imperium would bring every military hammer down on the order.

“Warden Commander,” Cataline spoke up smoothly, pointedly ignoring Erimond, “We are grateful you found the time to speak with us. We realize that your order has been busier than usual as of late, with the new threats emerging from the deep roads.”

“Indeed,” snapped Erimond before Cat could continue, “Which is all the more reason the Commander does not have time to indulge your inane prattle.”

“Forgive my associate,” Clarel interrupted, holding up a hand to silence Erimond. “You are correct that these have been trying times for the wardens, and many of us have been stretched too thin for too long.”

“We know, Commander,” Thom nodded gruffly. “And we know that too many beyond the incursion zones appreciate just how much you do to keep them safe. Rest assured that your sacrifices have not been forgotten by everyone.”

“I- thank you,” Clarel replied, her tone slightly grateful, although Thea could see her Tevene counterpart rolling his eyes behind her.

“Warden Commander, we are here because there is some… concern… over the wardens’ recent actions,” Thea spoke up slowly, keeping her tone even and respectful. “The renovation of Adamant, the recall of your Orlesian forces… the crowns of both Ferelden and Orlais worry that perhaps there is some threat that we have not been made aware of but should be preparing for. The wardens have always been the first to know of these things; it is one of the many admirable traits of your order.” It was not entirely the truth, but it was not entirely a lie either, and she and Cat had decided that it would not do any good to put Clarel on the offensive any sooner than they had to. “And now we find that you are preparing to enter a formal alliance with Tevinter…”

“What you speak of is warden business,” Clarel protested weakly, “But… but I suppose I can understand the concern. You have to understand, these new creatures, these… _monsters_ … we had never seen their like before they emerged at Ostagar five years ago. It has been years, but we still have no idea where they come from, what they want, if they be human or elven or dwarven… they are a mockery of us, whatever they are, and their disease spreads like a plague when left unchecked. The wardens knew that it was our duty to fight these creatures to the last, but our numbers are not what they once were. When Ambassador Erimond arrived, he offered us a proposal.”

“Tevinter would step in to aid the wardens where your precious southern monarchs would not,” the man sneered. “It was the dreaded Imperium that offered a hand in friendship and aid.”

“The wardens could see this plague eradicated,” Clarel insisted, but Thea could hear an undercurrent of desperation in her words. “And Tevinter has given us a chance to do just that: Erimond has assured me that his country is only interested in humanitarian efforts, nothing more.”

“Really?” Thea raised an eyebrow. “Funny… because for the past several months, there has been someone behind the scenes pulling at the strings of Orlesian politics, trying to force a war between the Empire and Ferelden. Someone has also been trying to topple Celene by either blackmail or civil war, and all the breadcrumbs that have been dropped along the way have somehow led us here. To _you_.” She stared at Erimond, satisfaction settling in as she saw a flash of rage in his eyes.

“You _dare_ -”

“Oh shut _up_ ,” she snapped. “I have dared a lot more than to stand up to a bully and manipulator such as yourself.”

“Ms. Trevelyan,” Clarel intervened, “I assure you that Erimond has done nothing to make me doubt his intentions.”

“Warden Commander, with all due respect, he has led you to the brink of war,” Alistair threw up his hands in exasperation. “Do you remember what happened when Sophia Dryden got involved with high politics? She got the order exiled from Ferelden for decades! Now, you have Empress Celene and Queen Anora watching with _great_ interest as you rebuild a maker-damned military fortress and start recalling your soldiers and arming them to the teeth. Do you have any idea what this looks like to everyone on the outside?”

Clarel had fallen silent, her skin pale, but Thea spoke the words she knew must have been running through the other woman’s mind.

“It looks like you are preparing for war.”

“Maker preserve us,” Clarel whispered, “We never… I never intended…”

“And now you are poised to ally with Tevinter,” Thea pressed. “You are damned lucky word of _that_ has not reached the crown, or you would probably have the weight of the Orlesian army on your doorstep which, I feel compelled to point out, _is on Orlesian soil_.”

The Warden Commander sat perfectly still, her hands clasped in front of her and her eyes closed. After what felt like an eternity, she opened them and looked to Cat, then to Thea. “Perhaps… perhaps we should take some more time to consider our alliance.”

“Or perhaps there will be no alliance at all!” Erimond spat, pushing past them as he moved to the door. “If you are too blind and stupid to reject aid when it is freely offered, then you deserve whatever fate befalls you!” He yanked the door open, and then slammed it shut behind him.

“Interesting…” Thea murmured to herself. “I doubt he was acting alone,” she glanced at Cat, who nodded in agreement.

“No,” she shook her head. “Too many moving parts… too many threads to hold onto at once…”

“But we have at least stopped whatever schemes he may have had here,” Thom nodded in satisfaction.”

Thea gave a small smile. “Yes, I believe we have. Warden Commander, I would highly recommend you reach out to both Empress Celene and Queen Anora to offer an explanation as to what has been going on out here. I would also recommend that you forward any notes you have on your meetings with Erimond, the resources he provided to you, and any other information you have regarding him or his allies.”

Clarel nodded mutely. “I- of course. Yes. Thank you.” She stared at Thea, and the exhaustion was evident in her gaze.

“You may well have just saved our order.”


	27. The Home My Heart Searched For

_There is something that I see_  
_In the way you look at me_  
_There's a smile, there's a truth in your eyes_  
_What an unexpected way_  
_On this unexpected day_  
_Could it be this is where I belong?_

 

-“It Is You I Have Loved” by Dana Glover

 

* * *

 

 

“And so we can add that to the list of reasons why I hate the desert,” Theadosia grumbled, trying to smother a yawn. “We solved one problem, but somehow I feel like we picked up a dozen more.”

She had made it home that afternoon and was now sprawled out over the sofa in the living room, her head resting in his lap as she struggled to stay awake. Loghain ran a hand carefully over her hair, brushing aside a stray lock of auburn that was threatening to fall down over her eyes. He had missed her, even the brief week she had been gone, and now he was simply grateful to have a quiet moment before he knew she would be up and worrying over the preparations for tomorrow’s Satinalia Eve dinner.

“It seems that way, yes,” he agreed, and she opened one storm blue eye to peer at him irritably. “Theadosia, you know damn well I am not going to try and soften this blow.”

She sighed, reaching for his hand and lacing her fingers with his. “No, nor would I want you to. We will figure this out.”

“Yes, we will,” he bent down and pressed a kiss to her lips, earning a small smile. “I missed you,” he whispered, brushing his thumb over her cheekbones.

“I missed you too,” Theadosia’s smile widened slightly. “Texts and phone calls just aren’t the same, are they?”

“Compared to your sparkling presence? Hardly.”

She laughed, then breathed another long exhale. “I should probably get up,” she groaned, but made absolutely no move to do so. “I have a million things to get done before tomorrow night, and Sera and Dagna promised to come over bright and early to help me get the rest of the decorations up.”

“Theadosia, _you_ need rest,” Loghain countered, “and _I_ need you. Right here.”

“Mmm,” she hummed in acquiescence. “I suppose I can just get up early tomorrow morning.” She stifled another yawn, then looked up at him, her eyes holding just a hint of question. “Have you decided what you are doing tomorrow evening?”

He had been dreading this question. He knew where he _wanted_ to be, which was exactly where he was right at this moment: with her. However…

“I think I will see if Anora will be willing to put up with me two nights in a row,” he replied carefully. “Theadosia, you know I would rather be spending it with you, but…”

“I know,” she managed a tiny smile. “I don’t want you to be miserable all evening, and if you believe that being around my friends and family will make you uncomfortable, I will not blame you if you stay at the palace. I realize that it is a little difficult, given that only three people really know about...”

She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, but Loghain could hear the faint trace of disappointment in her words. Not for the first time that week, he wondered if he was simply being a coward by choosing not to face Theadosia’s people. He would have to, sooner or later: he had no intention of leaving her life, and they would figure it out eventually. Satinalia Eve, however, may not be the best opportunity.

“I promise,” he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up so that she was sitting on his lap, and he pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I will see you first thing Satinalia morning.”

 

* * *

 

 

“What in the void are you doing here?”

Anora’s tone held three different shades of judgement, none of them favorable, as she passed the door to his now almost empty rooms at the palace. He hadn’t realized that he had so seamlessly moved so much of his life into the house he was now sharing with Theadosia, and today the space Loghain had once occupied seemed even more sparse and cheerless. He took a long breath before turning to face his daughter, who was standing in the doorway with a hand on her hip and exasperation written on her face.

“I thought it might be best if I skip this holiday with Theadosia,” he replied evenly. “She has enough to deal with at the moment without the added stress of trying to keep her friends and family from leaping for my jugular vein.”

“First of all,” Anora retorted sharply, “I have it on good authority that most of her friends like you just fine. They may not have figured out the… unique nature… of your relationship with Thea, but they know you are important to her. I promise, with the exception of Alistair, not one of those people would cross her lightly. Besides, she is used to getting her way, especially in her own home, and most of them have already accepted you as one of theirs. Second, and this is really the more important point I think, is that I strongly suspect Thea wants you there. This is your first holiday together, for Maker’s sake!”

“Anora,” he protested, but she was already speaking again, her tone now slightly gentler.

“Father,” she looked at him, her gaze blunt. “Where do _you_ want to be right now?”

Loghain sighed. “With Theadosia. Even if I can’t… even if we have to pretend we are something we are not, I would still rather be with her than not. And I do not have the slightest idea when I developed such an utter disregard for my own self preservation.”

“Perhaps her influence,” Anora smiled sweetly. “Now, go. It is still early in the evening: they probably have not even started preparing dinner yet. And I do not want to see _either_ of you again until dinner tomorrow night.

 

* * *

 

 

The house was brightly lit when he arrived home. Someone, he suspected either Thom or Bull, had helped Theadosia finish putting up the cheerful colored lights that lined the eaves and windows, and even from outside Loghain could hear the calls of bright conversation and laughter. For a moment, he reconsidered going in. It was odd: he had faced down entire armies with less trepidation than he felt now. Void, facing the Landsmeet after the disaster at Ostagar had been less nerve-wracking. He took a deep breath, then carefully opened the front door.

If he had hoped to slip in unnoticed, he was doomed to disappointment. He was pleasantly surprised, however, when he was greeted warmly by both The Iron Bull and his husband, Dorian, who were sitting by the fire with a young elven woman he did not recognize and a dwarven woman he assumed was her wife. Nathaniel was the next to acknowledge his arrival, clapping him briefly on the shoulder with a quiet smile and stepping out of the way as Cataline, much to his surprise, wrapped him in a hug.

“You showed up! We didn’t think you were going to!” She smiled brightly as he returned the gesture uncertainly, then lowered her voice. “She is going to be so happy… I know you were not sure about braving this lot,” Cat tossed her head in the direction of the other guests, “But I also know she has been wishing you were here. Come on,” she took him by the arm and steered him towards the kitchen. When he entered, she handed him a glass of wine before looking towards the sink.

“Teddy girl! Look who showed up!”

Theadosia turned from where she was peeling potatoes, and when her eyes caught his, his heart nearly stopped at the bright, radiant smile that flashed all too briefly across her face. In that instant, he knew he had made the right decision.

“Loghain,” she reined in her expression to something more akin to her usual half smile. “I’m glad you could make it. Dinner will be ready in about half an hour, assuming Sera stops pestering Bull while he’s trying to carve the ham and Cat and I don’t trip over each other trying to get the green beans and potatoes done. I think you know almost everyone…” She glanced briefly around the kitchen. “Have you met Cullen? Cullen, Loghain. Loghain, Cullen. The lovely young woman beside him is Belle Trevelyan, my first cousin once removed on Tiberius’s side and Cullen’s new fiancée.”

“Ah. Congratulations,” he nodded at the pretty woman with ice blue eyes and blonde hair the color of winter sunlight.

“Thank you,” she smiled brightly. “Recent development,” she laughed.

“Very recent,” Thea noted with a quiet laugh. “The dark haired woman helping Anders set the table is my first cousin once removed on Adelaide’s side, Ravenna Hawke. She’s not as frightening as she looks.”

“Teddy girl, I am not _nearly_ as frightening as you are,” the other woman shot back with a grin.

“Never claimed otherwise, Ven darling,” Thea laughed. She flashed one final smile in his direction before returning her attention to the potatoes.

They were joined in the kitchen by Bull and Dorian. While Bull turned his attention to the ham, Dorian poured another glass of wine and looked at him with open curiousity. “You know, Loghain, I have been hearing the most interesting rumors from further south recently… they are saying that there may be a new Teyrna of Gwaren soon. Have you been keeping some lovely woman secret from the rest of us? You should have invited her! We always have room for one more and I’m sure Thea wouldn’t have minded-”

“ _SHIT_.” Theadosia swore loudly as her hand slipped and the potato peeler sliced neatly over her hand. Nathaniel rolled his eyes and grabbed a box of band aids off the top of the refrigerator and calmly handed her one, but Loghain could tell he was struggling not to laugh, and Cat looked to be in no better condition.

“Hand to the Maker, Thea, we lose more potatoes that way,” her friend remarked. “You know you could let me help…”

“I’m fine,” Theadosia replied a little too quickly, and he could see by the rise and fall of her chest that her breathing had increased just slightly.

Loghain cleared his throat slightly. “Mr. Pavus…”

“Please,” the other man protested, “Dorian.”

He nodded. “Dorian, then. That particular rumor has been flying ever since my Celia died nine years ago. That being said…” he hesitated, resisting the urge to glance in Theadosia’s direction, “I will say that it is not entirely beyond the realm of possibility.”

He was saved from further questions by the arrival of Thom Rainier and Josephine Montilyet, but out of the corner of his eye he could swear he saw Theadosia’s lips curve up in just the slightest hint of a smile.

When dinner was served she managed to grab the seat next to him, for which he was grateful, although it was more difficult than he anticipated not being able to reach over and place his hand over hers, or to brush a kiss against her temple when she leaned forward to pass a dish to Sera. Alistair, of course, spent much of the meal studiously ignoring his presence, but between Theadosia’s thinly veiled warning and the presence of his wife, Mira, the other man seemed to be on his best behavior.

Afterwards, when most of the guests had settled in various stages of relaxation around the living room, Loghain stood in the doorway of the kitchen surveying the peaceful scene. It had been years since he had been a part of anything like this: most recently it had just been him and Anora, when she was able to get away from the capitol to come visit Gwaren. Despite the lingering awkwardness…

“I am glad I came,” he murmured quietly as Theadosia came to stand at his side.

“Me too,” she smiled softly. “It will be better once we tell-”

Her sentence was interrupted by a gleeful shriek from Sera, who pointed above their heads. “Knew it! Caught them, everyone!”

Loghain stared at her in confusion, but Theadosia just blushed the most brilliant shade of pink he had ever seen grace her fair skin. Truthfully, he had not thought her _capable_ of being embarrassed by something so thoroughly. When he glanced up to where Sera had been pointing, he understood why.

“Andraste’s sacred ass,” Theadosia muttered, “I’m so sorry; I forgot to warn you. Sera is an absolute monster with the mistletoe: she hangs it everywhere, and I never find it all until well after the New Year, and-”

Loghain just shook his head with a small smile. “Theadosia,” he wrapped his arms around her waist, leaning down and whispering in her ear. “Happy Satinalia.”

With that, and before either of them could think better of it, his lips met hers and he kissed her, long and slow and soft and in full view of everyone. After her initial shock wore off, he felt her arch onto her toes and press her body against his, returning his kiss, and he could feel her lips curving up in a smile against his mouth as her arms slipped easily around his neck.

“Oh you have _got_ to be kidding me!” Alistair groaned somewhere in the background.

Dorian laughed quietly. “Ah. Well _that_ explains a lot. Come to think of it, the rumors _had_ mentioned a vivacious redhead…”

“Ven, you owe me five sovereigns!” Theadosia’s friend Isabela laughed. “I told you it would be tonight!”

“Damn it,” Ven grumbled, “I thought for sure they would hold out til New Year.”

“Varric owes me ten!” Sera crowed triumphantly.

“And I believe _Cullen_ will be shoveling the walk for the rest of winter,” Belle laughed.

“Never bet against a Trevelyan, Cullen,” Theadosia called back breathlessly as they finally parted, a smile still dancing over her lips. Loghain leaned down, pressing his forehead against hers, and he could not help a small smile of his own.

“I love you, Theadosia Livia Trevelyan.”

“I love you too, Loghain Mac Tir.”


	28. Forgive Me My Weakness

_Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky._  
_They wipe away tears that I cry._  
_The good and the bad times, we've been through them all._  
_You make me rise when I fall._

-“Every time We Touch (Candlight remix)” by Cascada

 

* * *

 

“We should probably get up.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I don’t particularly want to either,” Loghain agreed, and Thea smiled as he wrapped his arm tighter around her waist and pulled her closer, the warmth of his skin against hers a comfort she had never expected to treasure as much as she did. “That being said,” he continued, pressing a line of kisses down her temple to her cheek and jaw, “I also do not particularly want your cousin and best friend to show up while we are still naked in bed.”

“Oh, like they don’t already know that happens,” she giggled, and he nipped at the spot just below her ear, prompting a sharp intake of breath and then a long sigh.

“Be that as it may,” he murmured. “If nothing else, I should think you would want your Satinalia present.”

She rolled over to brush a kiss against his lips. “You did not have to get me anything. You showed up and announced that we were together in front of my friends and family in rather impressive fashion, which I know took no small amount of courage. I am perfectly happy with that. But,” she smiled, “I have something for you as well.”

“What, the look of utter horror and disgust on the Theirin boy’s face when I kissed you was not gift enough?” He smirked as she swatted his shoulder and rolled her eyes.

“That was… ok, yes, that was pretty funny,” she admitted. Thea slipped out of bed, momentarily distracted by the way Loghain’s hand lingered against the curves of her waist and hips. She looked back with an eyebrow raised in mock exasperation.

“Weren’t _you_ the one who said we needed to get up?”

He rolled out of bed with a slight groan. “It is hardly my fault if you are being distracting.”

“Yes, well,” she stepped around the bed and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against the broad planes of his back. “ _Later_. I promise. I suspect we will both need some extra bribery to convince ourselves to go to that damn state dinner for Anora.”

He chuckled slightly, shaking his head as she stole one of his worn flannel shirts from the closet, tossing it on over her black cami and rolling the too-long sleeves up over her elbows. Loghain had long since come to terms with her stealing his clothes, and she knew that if pressed he would probably even admit he found it endearing. Thea lifted herself up onto her tiptoes, reaching up and carefully pulling down a slightly clumsily wrapped gift from the top shelf of their closet.

“Really? You hid it in the closet?”

“You didn’t find it, did you?” She retorted archly before sitting back down cross-legged on the bed. “Now, are you going to continue to question my judgement regarding hiding spots, or are you going to open it?”

Loghain carefully took the proffered gift and slowly unwrapped it. “Andraste’s blood… an old botanist’s map… Theadosia, these are nearly impossible to find! How did you…?”

She shrugged slightly, although secretly she was pleased she had managed to render him speechless. It was a rare victory. “Dr. Wynne knows Ines Arancia, the famous botanist. Well, they have a… competitive… working relationship, anyways. I was able to bribe Wynne, who in turn was able to bribe Ines, and I got the map. Or I should say, _you_ got the map. Do you like it?”

“Very much so,” he leaned over and brushed a kiss against her cheek. “Here,” he stood and held his hands out to her, helping her up off the bed. He positioned her in front of her mirror, his eyes meeting hers briefly in the reflection and a small smile curving at his lips. “Close your eyes.”

Thea complied, breathing a muted sound of annoyance when his arms left her waist. She heard him retrieve something from his dresser drawer. “And you were complaining about _my_ hiding spot?” She couldn’t help taunting him slightly. “You’re lucky I never stumbled on it while I was putting away laundry.”

“You didn’t find it, did you?” He tossed her own words back to her, and she laughed. Then, she felt the cool weight of metal against her neck and heard the tiny, almost imperceptible _click_ of a fastener snapping shut.

“Alright. Open your eyes.”

When she did, a smile blossomed over her lips. Set neatly against her chest was a golden locket engraved with the wyvern sigil of Gwaren teyrnir. Her hand moved to touch it, the gesture somehow comforting and familiar. “It’s beautiful,” she finally murmured when she found her voice.

“I am afraid I do not have pictures for it yet. You are annoyingly difficult to photograph, did you know?”

“That’s alright,” she turned and rolled up onto her toes, pressing a kiss to his lips. “I would prefer a picture of _us_ , which would have been difficult before now.”

“I will see what I can do,” he replied softly, kissing her forehead. “You are my heart, Theadosia. I wanted you to have something so you would always remember that.”

“It’s perfect,” Thea whispered, sinking into his arms and nestling her head against his chest.

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re happy, aren’t you?”

The question almost caught Thea off guard. Cat and Nathaniel had shown up shortly after she and Loghain had exchanged gifts, and the four of them had enjoyed a remarkably peaceful breakfast. It was a pleasant pause between the chaos of the night before and the stifling formality of the dinner she had to attend that night. Now, the men were sitting in the living room talking quietly over coffee. Thea had unilaterally decided it would be good for them and, fortunately for them, they knew better than to argue. She and her cousin were standing side by side, looking out the dining room window at the soft blanket of white snow that lay over the yard and the distant grey of the winter sea.

“I am,” Thea replied, the answer no longer surprising her as much as it had until very recently. “I have been meaning to talk to you about it, actually. We will be spending more time in Gwaren, once the holiday is over. Two weeks here, two weeks there. There is no particular reason I cannot work remotely, and he needs to be spending more time in the teyrnir.” She glanced over at Cataline a little uncertainly, but the other woman just smiled.

“I rather expected such would be the case sooner rather than later,” she replied. “Honestly, I am just glad that we will still have you half the time; the way you went on about the southern coast I thought for sure you were going to relocate permanently. I will miss you when you are gone, of course, but perhaps Nate and I will just need to visit you in Gwaren.”

“You know I would be thrilled to pieces if you did,” Thea laughed. “I love it there. I think you would too, especially if I promise not to drag you around the archives for hours on end.”

“Deal,” Cat giggled. “Have you decided how you are going to break the news to mom and dad?”

“Shit,” Thea shut her eyes with a groan. “No. No I have not. Is it awful if I’m secretly hoping word will get back to them while they are abroad and I don’t actually have to break the news?”

“Hm, interesting strategy,” Cat rolled her eyes. “Let me know how that works out for you.”

“They’re going to kill me.”

“Mother is either going to kill you or be utterly unfazed by it. Father is probably going to be completely speechless, which should be amusing” Cataline predicted. “But in any case… Thea,” she took her hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“It is nice to see you making a choice because it makes _you_ happy, not because you feel a responsibility to anyone else. I know you think we don’t understand what you gave up to come home five years ago… but we do. And I will be eternally grateful for the sacrifices you have made, which is why you and Loghain will have my complete support. And you _know_ Nathaniel will be on your side regardless.”

“Thank you, Catkin,” Thea whispered, wrapping her cousin in a fierce embrace. “That means the world to me, but I want you to know that… as difficult as it may have been, coming home was the right decision. Besides,” she smiled to herself.

“If I had never come home, I would have never met _him_.”

 

* * *

 

 

As much as she whined about having to attend formal events, if pressed Thea would admit she secretly liked getting dressed up on the rare occasion she was not able to wriggle out of going. Anora had invited her to the formal Satinalia dinner at the palace the first year she had been back in Denerim, and now it had become something of an expectation that she would be there. The dress she had picked this year was a bit more than what she usually chose: blue the color of midnight in winter with silver snowflakes embroidered along the hem of a full skirt and sweeping up the front of the skirt and bodice, with long sleeves that extended to her wrists but left her shoulders bare. Her locket lay bright against her chest; she honestly could not see herself taking it off save for bathing, if she could help it. Although she had planned on pinning her hair up, she had decided to leave it down as a concession to Loghain for having to suffer through the evening with her.

When Thea came down the stairs to meet him in the living room, she saw his eyebrows rise just briefly, and a tiny smile flickered over his face. It was, she knew, the closest he would ever come to his jaw dropping, so she was fairly confident she looked alright. Her assumption was validated when he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

“You are beautiful,” he murmured against her ear before he straightened and offered her his hand, leading her outside to the waiting car.

“And I still maintain you need your eyes checked,” she retorted as she locked the door. It was a familiar back-and-forth now, and one they both expected. “Did you already grab the suitcase?” The dinner was likely to run late, so they had decided to simply pack an overnight bag and stay in his old rooms for the night.

“I did,” he nodded, helping her into the car. “Although you forgot to pack a sweater. I am still perplexed as to someone who seems to run as cold as you do can manage to neglect that practicality.”

“I did not forget,” she protested with a small smile. “I was going to steal one of _yours_.”

“Hm,” he chuckled quietly, “Well then it is a good thing I packed an extra one, isn’t it?”

“Yes, because I am sure you did not see this coming,” she leaned over and pressed a kiss against his cheek. Loghain Mac Tir knew her far too well, and she loved him far too much to be bothered by that realization anymore.

When they reached the palace, he hesitated for only a moment before offering her his arm, and she could not help but smile as she accepted the gesture, walking in at his side. There were stares, and whispers, and Thea could hear Loghain sigh under his breath. She squeezed his arm a little tighter, looking up at him and meeting his eyes, and when she spoke her voice was fierce with a mix of love and pride.

“I love you, and I do not give a _damn_ what anyone else thinks or says. Now you have to decide if _you_ care.”

His lips curved up in the slightest hint of a smile before he leaned down and pressed them against hers, kissing her softly.

“Not one bit.”


	29. You Need Never Feel Broken Again

_You turned away as you struggled to find it_  
_You heard it call as you walked away_  
_A voice of calm from within the silence_  
_And for what seemed an eternity_  
_You waited, hoping it would call out again._

 

-“The Light” by Disturbed

 

* * *

 

 

Maker take him, but he loved her.

Loghain had never expected to love again, and he sure as the void had never expected to fall so hard, but Theadosia had surprised him. Bright and beautiful as a star in the night sky, and infinitely more precious. What was even more amazing was that he did not for one moment question her love for him. He may not understand how she came to do so, but he was grateful for it.

He had been seated between her and Anora, which had meant he had been spared from having to make small talk with anyone else for the most part. Theadosia had handled most of that, her tone alternating somewhere between playful teasing and open taunting depending on who she was speaking with, and her head held at the perfect tilt to express a blend of arrogance and amusement. Loghain himself had almost actually laughed when something she said nearly made Eamon Guerrin burst a blood vessel.

“You’re doing that on purpose.”

The words were spoken under his breath such that only Theadosia could hear them, and Loghain could see a small half smile curve at her lips. Her hand had, at some point during dinner, drifted beneath the table to rest on his knee, but had been progressively working its way further up his thigh and proving _incredibly_ distracting.

“And if I am?” She murmured quietly, her expression remaining remarkably calm as she sipped her wine.

“You are impossible, you know that, yes?”

Her smile widened slightly. “Me? Impossible? No. I am simply difficult, which I believe I warned you of the first time we met.”

“And I still maintain that you are not difficult,” Loghain corrected her, taking her hand in his beneath the table and squeezing it gently. “You simply make my life more… interesting.”

Theadosia laughed, and Anora looked in their direction with a small smile that was far too satisfied before returning her attention to the guest on her left side, Duchess Florianne de Chalons of Orlais. _Her_ presence was a bit of a puzzle, actually. Loghain glanced down at Theadosia, pitching his voice low and asking, “Is the duchess usually in attendance at these things?”

She frowned slightly, and he could tell she was troubled by it as well. “No. I wondered if you would pick up on that. Not that it is unusual for our countries to trade representatives, just as a gesture of goodwill. Andraste’s ass, that’s usually how we get rid of Isolde for the holiday, but Eamon insisted on sticking around this year. This is the first time since I’ve been here that Orlais has sent a member of the royal family, even a low ranking one like Florianne.”

“Interesting. I wonder if she was sent, or if she volunteered, given the current political situation. Or if perhaps her presence is meant as an insult,” he huffed slightly, and Theadosia leaned her head briefly against his shoulder with a quiet giggle.

“Darling, you would be insulted by _any_ Orlesian she sent, which is exactly why it is a good thing I am here: we can keep each other out of trouble.”

“Or just find new and interesting ways to create it,” he gave her a small smile, distracted from thoughts of the duchess by the spark of challenge behind her eyes that he loved so much.

“I don’t know, love… I left my red cowgirl boots at home…”

“Then I suppose we will have to improvise.”

 

* * *

 

 

The rest of dinner passed without incident. It was still not exactly how Loghain would have preferred to spend the holiday; he would have been much happier back in Gwaren in his library with a good book, a glass of wine, and Theadosia curled up next to him, but at least he had had the latter. Which, he had to admit, was the most important part. When they had finally been able to slip away from the festivities, they had walked hand in hand up the stairs and slowly made their way to his old rooms, talking quietly about nothing in particular. They had just entered the private residence wing when Theadosia suddenly pressed him up against the wall of an alcove.

“Sweetheart, we are literally two doors down from the bedroom…”

She pressed a delicate finger to his lips, and when he met her eyes he could see something had startled her. “Loghain,” she whispered, “Can you think of a single good reason why Duchess Florianne would be skulking up here and slinking towards your daughter’s private rooms?”

He could practically feel the rage building in his chest. “No, Theadosia. No I cannot.”

“Unzip the back of my dress a bit, would you,” she turned and he did as she asked, allowing her to reach back and retrieve a pair of daggers he was still not entirely certain she had managed to conceal. He did her back up, then watched as she peeked back into the hall. “Go make sure Anora is alright,” she muttered, “and get palace security.”

“Where exactly are _you_ going,” he hissed, taking her hand in his. She turned and flashed him a grim smile.

“ _I_ am going to go have a word with the duchess.” She leaned up onto her toes and brushed a brief kiss against his lips. “Trust me, love. Remember: I was trained by Leliana Nightingale herself. I can handle this.”

He sighed, but released her hand. “Fight well, Theadosia.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” she winked. “I doubt it will be much of a fight.”

 

* * *

 

 

She must have been right.

By the time Loghain returned, Anora safely at his side and a contingent of palace security trailing close behind, Theadosia was sitting calmly in a chair in Anora’s sitting room, and Duchess Florianne de Chalons was knocked out cold on the floor. A long thin scratch ran down the side of Theadosia’s left jaw line, and while it did not appear to be deep, it lay alarmingly close to her throat. He glanced at the coffee table, where an impressive array of daggers, a pair of compact handguns, and a series of colorful vials had been set out.

Theadosia caught his gaze and managed a small smile. “Yes, I am afraid our Orlesian guest here was prepared for most eventualities. Except,” she laughed drily, “for me, it seems. I was quite thorough in my search, but I would still recommend caution.”

“Are you alright, Theadosia?” He asked quietly, stepping to her side and tilting her chin up so that he could look at her wound. He took the handkerchief she had been using to staunch the blood and gently wiped away what he could. “It does not look like you will need stitches, but do you want me to call Anders?”

“I am fine, love,” she murmured. “Annoyed, mostly, that she was able to even get that scratch on me.”

“Well,” Anora shook her head irritably, “I can already see tomorrow is going to be a long day. I suggest we let the palace guard take it from here: the rest of us should try to get some sleep.”

Loghain closed his eyes briefly and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Anora, we should really try to figure out if your… guest… had other accomplices in the palace. There are still a lot of questions that need answering.”

“Yes,” Anora nodded in agreement, “Which is why the duchess will be taken directly to a cell to await questioning when she wakes up, and I will have an additional guard posted outside my room this evening, but there is very little we can do until this one,” she poked at the prone duchess with her foot, “Is conscious.” She looked towards Theadosia. “You are certain you are alright?”

“I am, Anora,” Theadosia nodded with a small sigh. “Just… very tired. And unlikely to get much sleep while I am worried about you.”

Anora laughed quietly. “Yes, well, perhaps the two of you can go worry together. For my part, I am going to get ready for bed. Now, shoo.” She reached out a hand to help Theadosia up before taking one of his, then leading them out the door. When Anora released his hand he immediately took up Theadosia’s, and she gave him a small, quiet smile as they walked the rest of the way down the hall to his own rooms.

“That woman had better provide something useful,” Theadosia growled as Loghain helped her unzip her gown and let it fall to the floor. “Viv is going to kill me for getting blood on that dress, although I think I managed to avoid any tears or rips.”

“You will forgive me if I am slightly more concerned about my daughter’s well-being than the state of your dress,” he replied, his voice colder than he intended, and he regretted his words as soon as he saw the hurt flash in Theadosia’s eyes.

“Noted,” she replied coolly, slipping her pajamas on. “Because obviously I do not care for Anora’s safety at all. Certainly not enough to face down an assassin armed with enough weaponry to take down a dozen less skilled opponents.” For the first time, Loghain noticed that, in addition to the scratch along her jaw, Theadosia was heavily favoring her right leg. “I’m going to go make myself a cup of tea,” she muttered before walking unevenly towards the door.

“Theadosia, I did not mean-”

The door shut quietly behind her, but she may as well have slammed it for the barrier that he knew had been thrown up between them. Loghain sat heavily on the edge of the bed, rubbing his forehead. He had been content, less than twenty-four hours ago. This time last night he and Theadosia had been lying in bed, her head resting on his chest after they had made love and her body warm against his. Now, despite the warmth of the room, he simply felt cold. He was worried about his daughter, but he should not have taken it out on Theadosia. Those two women… they were all he had left in the world, and he would give anything to see them both safe and happy.

Loghain stepped out of his room, glancing briefly down the hallway in the direction of the kitchens, then turned in the opposite direction towards his office. He knew he would not be able to get any sleep until Theadosia came back to bed, so he may as well try to get some work done. It was still his intent to leave for Gwaren in a few days, assuming they could sort out this mess with the duchess by then.

_And assuming Theadosia is still willing to come with me._

Time passed more quickly than he expected. When Loghain glanced at the clock on his computer, he was slightly surprised to see that it was after one o’clock in the morning. He stood, his muscles protesting slightly after too much time in his office chair, and returned to his room, but Theadosia was still nowhere to be seen. Trying not to jump to conclusions, he left the room and strode down the hall towards the kitchens.

Much to his relief, when he swung open the door, he saw Theadosia perched on a stool at the kitchen island, a bag of rapidly melting ice balanced on her left hip, an empty teacup at her side, and her head resting on her arms on the counter. She seemed to be asleep, a small frown marring her brow. When Loghain placed a gentle hand to the small of her back she shifted slightly, a small groan issuing from her throat.

“Sweetheart,” he pressed a kiss to her temple, “Come to bed.”

“I was sleeping just fine here,” she retorted, her eyes still shut.

“Are you really going to be so stubborn as to spend the night in the kitchen rather than in bed simply because I was an ass?” He asked, rubbing his thumb along her cheekbone and down her jaw and over her lips as a small smile curved there.

“Loghain, I…”

“Hush, Theadosia,” he gave her a small smile as her eyelids finally fluttered open. She breathed a brief sigh as he removed the bag of ice from her hip and tossed it in the sink, then helped her stand.

“Are you going to tell me what happened to your hip, or am I going to have to ask Anora to send the interrogator up after they are done with Florianne?”

Theadosia laughed quietly. “I do not think that will be necessary. I am sure you can think of plenty of ways to convince me to talk all on your own.”

“I can think of at least six off the top of my head,” he agreed, “but since at least four of those would result in worsening your injury, I would prefer it if you would simply take pity on a man worried about the woman he loves.”

She sighed, leaning on his arm as he helped her navigate the stairs. “Short answer? I aggravated an old injury. This is not the first time I have pulled a muscle in that hip, and I know better, but I was also in a bit of a temper so I was not thinking clearly. I overextended it.” Theadosia paused, waiting while he pushed opened the door to their room and stepping inside before she looked at him.

“Loghain, I protect the people I love. That includes Anora. I would hope that, as someone who loves her as well, you will take me at my word when I say that.”

“Theadosia.” He pulled her into his arms, holding her close. “I do. And… I hope you will take me at _my_ word when I say that I love you, and that I am sorry I snapped at you. I fell in love with your sharp mind and sharper tongue, you know. I just-”

“I know,” she whispered, nuzzling her head closer to his chest with a small exhale. “I doubt any of us are going to get much sleep tonight, but do you think we should try anyways?”

“Might as well,” he agreed with a small smile. He leaned down and brushed a kiss against her forehead.

They slipped into bed, and his arm wrapped around her waist in a motion that had almost become instinctual. As they slowly drifted to sleep, he said a brief, silent prayer to the Maker.

_Keep them safe_.

 

 


	30. Only This Seems Clear

_I was born without this fear_  
_Now only this seems clear_  
_I need to move, I need to fight_  
_I need to lose myself tonight._

 

-“Come With Me Now” by Kongos

 

* * *

 

 

“Well. Don’t you two look cheerful?”

Thea managed a half-hearted glare in Anora’s direction. Between her worry over her friend’s safety and the pain in her hip, she had not slept well, and she knew Loghain had not fared much better. The sun had not yet risen when she had woken up, and he had already been awake at her side. Only the promise of coffee had prompted her to roll out of bed and make herself look more or less human before he helped her limp downstairs.

And if Anora’s assessment was accurate, apparently she had managed only the “less” half of the equation.

“Some of us did not get much sleep,” Thea grumbled. “Although _you_ seem to be annoyingly well-rested for someone who was almost assassinated on Satinalia.”

Anora shrugged, handing over two cups of coffee. “You know me better than that, Thea dear. I am the queen: this sort of thing unfortunately comes with the job, although it has been some years since I have had to worry about it, and this is the first time it has ever been anything more than just a rumor or grumbling. To be honest, I was on my guard anyways. If Florianne had given us poor backwards Fereldans any credit, she would not have come herself. Her presence alone tipped me off to something being not quite right. Besides, you handled it. Which reminds me: do we need to call Anders about that hip?”

“Probably not?” It was Thea’s turn to offer a shrug.

“I wish you would,” Loghain sighed beside her, rubbing her back slowly, and she couldn’t help a small smile that she tried to hide behind a sip of coffee.

“If it is not improved by tomorrow, I’ll give him a call,” she promised. “In the meantime, Anora, have you gotten anything useful out of your erstwhile party guest?”

“Quite a bit, actually,” Anora gave them a dry smile. “I called in Leliana and she has been with her most of the night. It is amazing what sleep deprivation will do for a person’s willingness to talk. In any case, she has actually been more than willing to provide information. Apparently her continued protection was dependent on her success in killing me. Having failed, she has decided she is safer in our custody than she would be returning to Orlais to face her cousin’s justice or to her handler, who she still has not identified, but who she seems fairly convinced will have no qualms about killing _her_ for her failure.”

“Interesting,” Thea frowned slightly. “But she would not give you a name?”

Anora shook her head. “No. I am not entirely certain _she_ knows a name, as she has been remarkably forthcoming about everything else. Apparently, it was her that put the idea into Gaspard’s head about trying to foment a civil war even though she apparently had very little faith in his success. Florianne simply knew that it would distract Celene, create chaos, and make us nervous about our own borders. If by some chance Celene was overthrown and Gaspard took the throne, it would have inevitably led to war. If she managed to hold onto her throne, Gaspard would be executed for his trouble but would have served his purpose.” She sighed. “Honestly, I am a bit amazed that she was so willing to sacrifice her own brother for whatever schemes she is entangled in.”

Thea could practically hear Loghain roll his eyes beside her. “They are Orlesians, Anora. This is _exactly_ what I expect from them.”

“Yes, well…” Anora continued, “We also learned that there is very likely a link between Florianne and Livius Erimond, that Tevinter you met at Adamant Fortress. She was not only aware the Wardens were gathering in the region, but she confirmed what we already suspected: Erimond was tasked with encouraging the renovation of the fortress and the preparations for war, and it was meant to look suspicious to Orlais.”

“So it sounds as though we need to try and track down Erimond,” Thea suggested. “Perhaps if we can catch him, we can start filling in some of the missing pieces. Or at least, he might know who is pulling the strings.”

“I agree,” Anora nodded. “I spoke with Celene this morning, and she is more than willing to be helpful.”

“Given that it was _her_ cousin who tried to kill you, she had damn well better be more than just helpful,” Loghain growled.

Anora simply gave him a small smile. “She has a great deal at stake here as well, father. And are you not the one who taught me that, if someone can be useful, make use of them? All the better if they are _willing_ to be useful.”

“I suppose,” he conceded, wrapping an arm around Thea as she leaned against his shoulder, doing her damndest to keep her eyes open and her mouth from yawning.

“Perhaps we can pick this discussion up later,” Anora offered, her voice kind. “You are barely awake and I can tell you,” she glanced at her father, “are not in much better shape. Why don’t you go home, and come back when you’ve gotten some decent sleep and we’ve had more of a chance to question the duchess.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice, Nora,” Thea gave her friend a small, grateful smile. “You’ll text me if anything comes up that requires our immediate attention?”

“Of course. Now, shoo. Go get some sleep before you single-handedly send Ferelden into a coffee shortage.”

Thea slipped off the kitchen stool with less grace than she would have normally, threw back the rest of her coffee, and then she and Loghain left for home. They didn’t talk much on the drive, both of them lost somewhere within their own thoughts and encroaching exhaustion. When they arrived at the house and made it up the stairs, Loghain paused and pulled her into his arms. She rested her head against his chest with a soft sigh, nestling against the sound of his heartbeat.

“Are you still angry with me?” He asked, his tone subdued.

“If I were angry with you, you would know it,” she retorted.

“I suspect half of Ferelden would know it,” he agreed drily, his hand gently tracing a path along her spine. “I am sorry, Theadosia. I should not have snapped at you.”

She stepped away just enough that she could look up and meet his eyes. “I understand why you did. You are worried; we both are.”

“You two are my entire world, you know that, yes? If anything happened to either of you…”

“Loghain, I promise,” Thea leaned up on her toes to brush a kiss against his cheek before she began to strip off her boots and jeans. “I am going to do everything I can to make sure nothing happens to Anora.” She crawled into bed, her eyelids already heavy as her head hit the pillow and she felt him slip in beside her, his arm going around her waist automatically.

“And _I_ promise I am going to make certain that nothing happens to either of you.”

“Well that’s hardly fair,” Thea smiled, “that gives you two headstrong women to mind, when I only have one. I suppose I will just have to keep an eye on you as well, when I can manage.”

“You’ve managed quite well thus far,” he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“Yes, well,” she yawned, exhaustion finally overtaking her.

“You’re worth keeping an eye on.”

 

* * *

 

 

Months passed. Florianne provided little more in the way of useful information, but Empress Celene had been willing to share what clues they were able to pull from her cousin’s personal files with the Fereldan crown. It still did not add up to much; the duchess had covered her tracks well, but it was at least a start. The civil war was still simmering beneath the surface: it was too much to hope that Florianne’s confession regarding her role in instigating it would be enough to return that particular arrow to the quiver, but for the moment it seemed to be in a holding pattern, and there were even rumors that Celene may have finally gained the upper hand over her cousin.

Thea’s birthday came and went, and was a much quieter affair than it had been the previous year, for which she was grateful. Cat and Nathaniel flew out to Gwaren to celebrate with her and Loghain, and she had actually thoroughly enjoyed taking them around the city, especially now that spring was taking hold and the trees and flowers were in bloom. She had yet to experience a season she _didn’t_ like in Gwaren, but there was always the possibility that summer would just be miserable.

Somehow, though, she doubted it. Gwaren was home, just as much as Denerim was, and she was happier in the teyrnir than she had been in a very, very long time. To her surprise, Loghain frequently consulted her regarding matters of running the teyrnir, and she was even more surprised to find she enjoyed the challenge just as much as she appreciated that he thought enough of her opinion to ask.

It was on her last day there before returning to Denerim the next morning when there was a hesitant knock on her office door. Thea frowned slightly; Loghain never knocked, and thus far he was the only one who would have been disturbing her in this office.

“Come in?”

To her surprise, it was Cauthrien who entered the room slowly, her expression wary. While the other woman had never exactly been unkind towards Thea, she certainly hadn’t made any effort to be friendly, and she seemed to carry an inherent distrust of her that Thea could not quite pin down. “Ms. Trevelyan. I was hoping I could have a moment of your time?”

“You may,” Thea nodded, “And, as I mentioned before, you can just call me Thea.”

“I- of course, Ms. Tre- Thea.” Cauthrien sat in the chair opposite her. “I wanted to ask you something, and since you’ve been around a great deal recently I thought it was probably time.”

“Alright…”

Cauthrien met her gaze head on. “Are you serious, about Teyrn Mac Tir?”

“Excuse me?” Thea frowned slightly.

“Are you serious about your relationship with Loghain?”

“Not that I think it is any of your business,” Thea replied evenly, “But yes. I would not have uprooted half my life had I not been serious about him.”

“Do you love him?”

Thea sighed. “Again, not that it is any of your business… but I think I understand where your questions are coming from. And yes, Cauthrien: I love him. In the interest of honesty, I was not certain I ever _would_ love someone the way I love Loghain. I was not certain I was meant to.”

This answer seemed to satisfy the other woman, who nodded slowly before she spoke again. “I apologize for my forwardness, Thea, but you must understand: since Maric and Celia died, I am probably the closest thing that man has to a friend. I admit that, as such, I feel a certain responsibility to look after his well-being, since up until very recently he has been disinclined to do so himself.”

“Yes, I can see that,” Thea laughed drily. “You are a loyal friend, Cauthrien and, for whatever it is worth, I appreciate it.”

“I- Thank you, Thea,” Cauthrien nodded. “He seems… happy, now. For the first time in years, actually; certainly since… since everything happened.”

Thea sighed, looking out her office window towards the sea.

“‘The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interrèd with their bones.’”

Cauthrien looked up in surprise. “You know that play?”

“It is one of my favorites,” Thea laughed, and much to her surprise, Cauthrien did as well.

“Mine too, though it is difficult to find anyone else who shares my opinion. I suppose we have that in common as well.” She hesitated, then added, “It is good to meet someone else who is willing to acknowledge that he fucked up while still being able to see all the good he has done. All the good he can _still_ do.”

“Yes,” Thea agreed, offering a small smile. “I suppose it is.”

“Well, I will not take any more of your time,” Cauthrien stood, her movements no longer quite as stiff as they had been, and moved towards the door. “I know he wanted to talk to you about something this afternoon.”

“Oh? Do you know what it was?”

Cauthrien shook her head. “I’m sorry, no. Seemed important, though.”

Thea nodded. “Alright. I was going to head down the hall momentarily anyways. And Cauthrien?”

“Yes?”

“I know I am still an unknown, to you, but if you ever want to talk…”

Cauthrien offered a genuine smile then. “Thank you, Thea.”

“Any time.”

 

 


	31. In a Heartbeat

_When we touch, I just lose my self control_  
_A sad sensation I can't hide_  
_To love is easy, it ain't easy to walk away_  
_I keep the faith and there's a reason why._

-“Miss You in a Heartbeat” by Def Leppard

 

* * *

 

 

Peace was an odd feeling.

Loghain was not certain he had known it in many years; if he were being honest with himself, he had probably not been at peace since before he had met Maric, back when he had still been a boy living in the countryside. Even then, with the Orlesian occupation bearing down on the country, it would be difficult to say if he had ever actually felt the certainty and security he did now. Despite the chaos and stress of the past year, however, he was oddly content.

And he knew it was because of her.

He and Theadosia had settled easily into life together: two weeks in Denerim, two weeks in Gwaren, but always together. That part was not so surprising: they worked well together, and she had a brilliant mind that took easily to helping him run the teyrnir. They also genuinely enjoyed spending time together, and for the first time in his life Loghain found he actually had someone to talk to. More surprising was the fact that he actually seemed to have _friends_. Theadosia’s people had, for the most part, accepted him as one of their own. She and Alistair seemed to have reached some sort of détente and, although the other man actively ignored Loghain’s presence whenever the two had to be in the same room, there were no further incidents. He was grateful for that, if only for Theadosia’s sake.

Nathaniel was probably the easiest of the group to talk to. He had had to grow up too fast, much like Loghain himself had, and he shared Theadosia’s wit and dry sense of humor. He could see why they were best friends, and he was interested to find that he was not the least bit jealous of that friendship. For her part, Cataline had done everything she possibly could to make him feel welcome whenever they were in Denerim. He suspected the poor woman still felt some lingering guilt over their earlier meeting, despite his best efforts to assure her that it was in the past. Theadosia had pointed out that Cataline was just like that: she had a kind nature and whatever else she may have thought or felt before, she wanted her cousin to be happy. Which, Theadosia had given a small smile, anyone with eyes could see she was with him.

Loghain was happy with her, as well. More than he thought he could be. And Andraste preserve him, but he loved her.

When he stepped into his office that afternoon, he was pleasantly surprised to see she was already there, leaning up against his desk and paging through a pile of correspondence. She looked up when he entered, a half smile playing across her lips. _She smiles more, now_ , he realized.

“I have a few things that need your signature,” she gestured to another stack of papers. “Bhelen is trying to screw you over on shellfish imports because he thinks you won’t know any better. I drew up a new proposal for you. If he continues to dig his heels in, I would suggest you inform him that he is welcome to go elsewhere.”

“Oh?” Loghain closed the door quietly behind him and then, as an afterthought, locked it. He did not want this particular conversation interrupted.

“Mmhmm,” she raised an eyebrow and smirked slightly. “Gwaren and my company are currently the only importers of shellfish, which is considered a highly desired delicacy in Orzammar. If Bhelen does not want to play ball with you, you will always have the option to pass the trade along to Seawolf and Steed. We’ll buy directly from Gwaren, and he can deal with us after we add on our markup. I doubt it will come to that. Once he realizes I am involved he’ll back down: he knows better than to try and fuck with me. Also, we really need to look at doing some forest management in the Brecilian. There is some old growth that is being choked out, which is really not healthy and a major wildfire danger, so we need to consider doing some controlled burns this autumn. The land in question is technically on the Gwaren side of the border; however, I would still recommend reaching out to Keeper Lanaya of the Dalish as a gesture of good will.”

“You have a gift for this, don’t you?” Loghain placed his hands on either side of her hips, leaning down and brushing a kiss against her cheek.

Theadosia smiled, truly this time. “I spent many years at my aunt’s side, and it was not just learning the family business. She did just as much to run Highever as my uncle did, and she taught me everything she knew. She and Uncle Bryce are an amazing team, and I still look up to them.”

“With good reason,” he agreed. “I have always had a great deal of respect for your aunt and uncle, even if we did not always agree. And they obviously raised you well.”

“I’d like to think so,” Theadosia replied softly, her hands wrapping around his waist. “Or at least, all the good parts of me. I will take sole credit for the more… interesting… aspects of my personality.”

“I happen to love those ‘interesting’ aspects,” he retorted.

“And thank the Maker for that. Oh, as an additional note,” she set the papers aside and showed him her right wrist, where a faint rash had sprung up. “Whatever scent is popular with Orlesian ladies this season, I am apparently allergic to it,” she deadpanned.

“Why in the world are they using perfume on their letters?”

Theadosia laughed, arching on to her toes to place the faintest kiss against his lips before pushing him gently back into the chair in front of his desk and straddling his lap and kissing him properly. “If you can’t figure that one out, darling, I am not going to explain it to you. However,” her smile turned slightly mischievous, “I might forward some of the more… propositional… letters on to your daughter. Perhaps she can persuade one of these women to take you off her hands and secure a new alliance with Orlais.”

“Oh don’t even joke like that, woman,” he growled against her shoulder, his hands running slowly up and down the length of her thighs and pushing her dress up towards her hips in painfully small increments. “Besides, we have plenty of ties to Orlais. Too many, if you ask me. It would be more useful to marry into a Marcher family, I would think.”

“Perhaps,” she raised her eyebrows is mock innocence. “Should I call up Margot? See if she’s still on the market?”

Loghain rolled his eyes, but his hands moved to her shoulders, thumbs slowly edging the straps of her dress down over her shoulders. “Have you ever considered it?”

“Mmmm,” she hummed her head tilting to the side as her eyelids fluttered shut. “Considered what, exactly?”

“Marriage.”

“In general, or to you specifically?” She asked, her tone teasing.

“Yes.”

A quiet laugh escaped her lips. “Yes,” she echoed back to him.

“And… would you?”

“Would I what, darling?” She asked, her arms shifting slightly as she allowed him to push her dress down to her waist.

Loghain leaned forward and pressed a line of kisses against her collarbone, breathing in the scent of lavender he could now only ever associate with her. “Ever get married.”

“To anyone?” She sighed, her head falling back as he ran his thumbs along her ribcage. “Or to you?” He heard a sharp intake of breath as he nipped at the hollow where her neck met her shoulders.

“What do _you_ think?”

She leaned back slightly so that she could face him, a small smile curving her lips just slightly.

“Yes.”

“Well, then,” he shifted, reaching into his pocket and retrieving the ring, “will you?”

“Well,” Theadosia bit her bottom lip, but her eyes were sparkling. She held up her left hand, examining it thoughtfully. “I believe I _did_ once tell you I would give my left hand for a shot at the Gwaren archives… and you kept up your end of the bargain…”

“So is that a yes?” He whispered against her ear, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple.

“Loghain,” she kissed him then, hard, and her hands moved to her waist to pull her dress over her head.

“ _Yes_.”

She held out her hand, and he slipped the ring over her finger. And then her hands were at the buttons of his shirt, and her lips were back on his, and he was trying to figure out how to get her smalls off without moving her from his lap. “I love you,” he exhaled as they parted long enough for her to toss his shirt on the floor. “When?”

“Soon.”

“What are you doing next Saturday?”

“Um, let me check…” she arched her back, leaning back towards his desk and grabbing her phone and briefly scrolling through her calendar.

“Hm. Looks like I’m marrying you.”


	32. A Promise of Grace

_There’s a promise of grace_  
_Under silver grey skies_  
_And I’m drying my tears_  
_In the blaze of the sunlight_  
_A reverie sealed with a kiss._

-“Under Grey Skies” by Kamelot

 

* * *

 

 

Nathaniel carefully combed out the long, auburn waves of his best friend’s hair, gently twisting one section to the side and pinning it neatly back with a subtle crystal hairpin. Thea almost _never_ let anyone touch her hair, save for Nathaniel, Cataline, and her soon-to-be husband. Occasionally Iron Bull, if she needed something particularly elaborate for a special occasion. He bent down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, and she laughed quietly.

“If I did not know better, Nate, I’d say you are more nervous than I am.”

He shook his head with a small smile. “No, Teddy girl. Not really. Because I know you are not even remotely nervous.”

“I am not,” she agreed, her eyelids fluttering shut as Cat brushed a subtle dusting of delicate golden shimmer over them. “I have known I was going to marry this man for awhile now. There did not seem to be much point in waiting once we made the decision.”

“You were lucky we were able to find someone to perform the ceremony on such short notice,” Cataline chided gently, but she was smiling.

“Don’t be silly,” Thea retorted, a small smile playing against her own lips. “Mother Giselle adores our family. She was more than happy to set aside half an hour on a Saturday to perform the wedding.”

“Yes, and I’m sure dropping the Trevleyan, Cousland, and Mac Tir names didn’t hurt at all,” Nathaniel teased, and she gave another breath of laughter.

“No, I suppose not,” she agreed. “And for what it’s worth, I am grateful that the two of you and Ven and Anders are giving up your Saturday to be here.”

“Thea, you know there is absolutely nowhere else we would rather be,” Cataline smiled. “Although, if you had given me more time, we could have shopped for a proper dress, and planned an actual reception…”

Nathaniel could practically hear Thea roll her eyes, but her tone was kind when she replied. “Catkin, I didn’t _want_ that. I had plenty of wedding excitement when I planned yours, and once was enough. Besides, I happen to love this dress.”

It _was_ stunning: a simple, floor length dress with a lace bodice the color of a summer midnight that gently accentuated Thea’s curves but left her shoulders and most of her back bare. Just this side of scandalous, and yet oddly perfect for the palace gardens. She was wearing the golden locket Loghain had given her for Satinalia, and no shoes whatsoever. Somehow, this was exactly how Nathaniel had always pictured her getting married.

 “Ven has the camera, right?” Thea asked, accepting his hand as he helped her up and smiling slightly when she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror.

“She does,” he nodded. “Anora and I have the rings, and Anders picked up your flowers this morning, so he’ll have those once we get outside.”

“Alright then,” Thea took a deep breath, and then an actual smile bloomed bright on her face. “Shall we?”

He took her left hand, and Cataline took her right, and they stepped out into the hall, then followed it out to the gardens where the others were waiting. Mother Giselle was standing at the end of the path with Loghain, and Anora was at his side, smiling brightly. Cat wrapped Thea in a fierce hug, pressing a kiss to her cheek and whispering something meant only for her, then accepted a small bouquet of sunflowers from Anders and went to join the others. Ven quietly snapped a few photos as Anders handed Thea her own sunflowers, brushing a brief kiss to her cheek as well.

Thea tucked her arm into his. “Hand to the Maker, Nathaniel, if you say a single word about ‘giving me away’ I will end you…”

Nathaniel chuckled quietly as they walked the path together. “Do I look like I have a death wish, Teddy girl?”

She smiled up at him. “I’m glad you’re here, Nate. You know there is no one else I would rather have at my side for this.”

“It is an honor, Thea,” he squeezed her arm gently. “You know that Cat and I are just impossibly happy the two of you found each other.”

“Me too,” she murmured softly as they finally reached the end. Cataline accepted Thea’s flowers before Nathaniel pulled her into a tight hug, pressed a kiss to her cheek, and extended a hand to Loghain. When the other man accepted it, Nathaniel offered a small smile.

“I wish you both the best,” he spoke, and he meant ever word.

“Thank you, Nathaniel,” the other man nodded. “For everything.”

And then Loghain took Thea’s hands in his own, and Nathaniel knew that, for both of them, the rest of the world would fade away.

 

* * *

 

 

“Anora, it’s fine.”

Loghain gently took his daughters hands and set them at her side before she attempted to readjust his tie which was, in fact, already perfectly straight, for the third time. She sighed, but took a step back to examine her handiwork. After giving him a onceover she nodded, apparently satisfied with the results.

“You look good, Father.”

“Thank you, Anora,” he reached out his arms and wrapped her in a warm embrace.

“Are you nervous?” She asked quietly.

“No,” he shook his head, kissing the top of her head briefly. “Should I be? Are you?”

Anora laughed quietly against his chest. “No, on both counts. I believe _I_ was the one encouraging this from the beginning: I would not have done so had I not wanted you to see it through. You are my father, and she is my best friend, and I adore you both. Seeing you happy together is amazing, and it brings me so much joy. I just want this day to be perfect, because you both deserve it.”

“I appreciate it,” Loghain gave a small chuckle. “And I am lucky to have a daughter so intent on my best interests.”

“Yes, you are,” Anora agreed as she stepped back with a smile that spoke ever so quietly of mischief. He saw her pat the pocket of her dress just slightly, ensuring Thea’s ring was still tucked safely inside, before she slipped her arm through his and gave it a brief squeeze. “Now. Are you ready?”

He took a deep breath, and nodded. They walked out of his old rooms and down the stairs, stepping into the gardens and the warm spring sunshine. It was, in some ways, reminiscent of his second meeting with Theadosia: the first at the palace. They had walked out the exact opposite exit of the one she had needed, and she had claimed it was because he had distracted her. What he had not told her at the time was that he had been utterly distracted by _her_ as well. Loghain had told her later, one lazy Saturday morning when they had stayed in bed longer than they probably should have, and the smile that had curved at her lips and the light that had shone in her eyes had made him smile as well. He was impossibly in love with Theadosia, and he was ready to promise the rest of his life to her.

Mother Giselle inclined her head slightly with a small smile as he and Anora approached. “Teyrn Mac Tir. Your majesty,” she greeted them.

“Revered Mother,” he replied, taking his place beside and slightly in front of her, Anora standing to his left. “We appreciate you making time for this, especially on such short notice.”

She gave a small hum of laughter. “It is my pleasure, and an honor, I assure you. Besides: it is difficult to say no to Theadosia, is it not? I have known her and Cataline for many years, and in fact I presided over Cataline and Nathaniel’s wedding. They are good women, and I am happy to do this for them, and for you.” Mother Giselle glanced down the path to where Theadosia, Cataline, and Nathaniel had appeared. Theadosia caught his eye, and the smile that graced her lips nearly made his heart stop.

“You have made her very happy, Teryn Mac Tir,” the revered mother noted quietly. “More so than I believe I have ever seen her. Treasure that gift.”

“I intend to,” he replied, unable to tear his eyes away from Theadosia as she and Nathaniel slowly made their way towards him. When she finally stood in front of him and slipped her hands into his, he could almost swear he heard his own heartbeat. Loghain reached up a hand to her cheek and brushed his thumb along her cheekbone, and she gently leaned against his touch.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” she looked up at him, and even in the light of day he could see the light of stars shining timeless and certain in her eyes.

Vows were spoken, promises were made, and then they kissed. Loghain could hear the subtle _click_ of Ravenna’s camera as she snapped photos and the quiet sniffles of Cataline and Anora, although he knew his daughter would deny it later if asked. And when they parted, he took Theadosia’s hand in his, and they began to walk the quiet garden path back towards the palace. There was still paperwork to be signed, and Anora had promised to help fast track Theadosia’s documents to have her last name changed.

“Loghain, Thea!” Ravenna called behind them and they paused, both looking back over their shoulder at her. “Perfect,” she nodded, snapping a few more shots. He heard Theadosia laugh quietly beside him, her hand squeezing his a little more tightly.

“It really is.”

 

 


	33. Like Dusk to Dawn

_I know nobody knows_  
_Where it comes and where it goes_  
_I know it's everybody's sin_  
_You got to lose to know how to win._

 

-“Dream On” by Aerosmith

 

* * *

 

 

“So,” Anora gave her a small smile over the edge of her coffee cup, “Should I start referring to you as ‘mother’ now?”

“Andraste’s Ass, Anora, I wish you wouldn’t,” Thea rolled her eyes before both women started laughing. “It is going to be difficult enough to explain to my aunt and uncle how they left behind a CEO and came back to a Teyrna.”

“Yes, we will need to make a formal announcement sooner or later, but the two of you have kept things quiet enough that it will buy us some time,” Anora noted thoughtfully. “I want to give you both as much time to just enjoy this as you can.”

“For which we are immensely grateful, Anora,” Loghain spoke up quietly beside her, taking Thea’s hand in his own.

It had been a small, brief ceremony. Anora had been there, as had Cat, Nathaniel, Ven, and Anders, but that was it. Afterwards, only Cauthrien and Thea’s closest friends had been told. Anora was right: Thea and Loghain had been married all of three days, but they wanted to enjoy the peace of everyone else’s ignorance for as long as possible. Gwaren would find out sooner rather than later that they had a new Teyrna, but it was not a pressing matter at the moment.

“Besides,” her friend continued, “It is nice to have something _good_ happen for a change.” She raised one delicate eyebrow at the stack of file boxes that had recently been delivered to her office. “That is the last of it, I am afraid.”

Nearly six months had come and gone since Florianne’s attempt on Anora’s life, but despite the information provided by the duchess, they had made little progress towards figuring out who was behind everything, or why. They had combed through nearly everything that had been provided to them by Empress Celene, but found nothing they were not already aware of. Things had been holding steady for the time being, but Thea could not help but feel that whoever their adversary was, they were simply biding their time and regrouping.

“You are certain Celene has given you everything?” Loghain asked incredulously, shooting his own skeptical glance at the stack of boxes.

“I am,” Thea chimed in with a small shrug. “She has more to lose than we do at the moment, near as I can tell. Whoever is behind this? They were betting on Ferelden being pushed into a war with Orlais, but now that we now that is what we were being manipulated towards they have lost that advantage. Celene is still dealing with the threat of losing her throne until the civil war ends, which it is unlikely to do until someone puts a lid on the rest of this.”

“I agree with Thea,” Anora nodded. “It does Celene no harm to provide her cousin’s personal files to us; especially since I have no doubt that Briala and her people have already combed through them. However, that also means that it is unlikely there is anything useful in here that they have not already found. Although, the courier did mention that these boxes,” she gestured to the files by her desk, “had not been touched. They are paper copies of electronic documents we already had. I am not certain why the duchess bothered with the redundancy, but there you have it.”

A spark of hope suddenly blossomed in Thea’s mind. “Oooohhhh, I think I may know,” she spoke softly as she stood. “Clever bitch…”

“You know something we do not, Theadosia?” Loghain’s brow was furrowed in a small, perplexed frown.

“Possibly,” she nodded with a small smile, running her hand over the top most box.

“Give me four hours.”

 

* * *

 

 

It only took three.

Thea and Loghain had carried the boxes into his office where she could sprawl out and work properly: she had always had a gift for scanning and sorting documentation according to its relevance to whatever she was working on at the moment. _And they told me history was a useless degree_ , she thought wryly to herself. Her husband was sitting behind his desk, watching her with a blend of pride and amusement as she worked, not once questioning her fevered muttering or elaborate sorting system.

“And here we are…” Thea spoke, her voice quietly triumphant as she neatly gathered a pile of documents that she had pulled from the mélange. “I was right.”

“I never doubted that much,” Loghain raised an eyebrow as he rose and came to stand beside her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “But what exactly did you find?”

She handed him the pile, watching with growing satisfaction as he paged through the documents she had pulled. When he finished, he handed them back to her with a small smile. “I always suspected people underestimated you, Theadosia. Apparently, the trend continues. Let’s go show Anora.”

 

* * *

 

“I wonder if it was her own idea,” Thea mused while Anora scanned the pages she had handed over, “Or if someone else put it in her head. Either way, damned clever: hiding the most incriminating documents as hard copies amidst a pile of other useless information. If you did not know to look for them, most people would just glaze over them thinking they were repeats of electronic files.”

“Risky,” Loghain noted drily, “Although obviously it managed to fool the Orlesians.”

Thea gave him a small smile. “They’re not as good as I am.”

“Obviously. I could have told you that much.”

“In any case,” she pressed on before he made her smile more brightly, “I don’t think this was ever supposed to be a full-stop measure. It was meant to buy Florianne’s handler, whoever that is, time. Which, unfortunately, it has.”

“True,” Anora nodded slowly, “But now we have a name. Have either of you ever heard of this Raleigh Samson?”

Loghain shook his head, but Thea thought for a moment. “The name seems familiar… but I can’t quite place it,” she admitted. “If it’s someone who has not already died and made it into a book, I am less likely to remember a name. Cat might know, though: she has a much better head for that sort of thing. I’ll ask her tomorrow when I go in to the office.”

“Excellent,” Anora exhaled.

“At least now we are doing _something_.”

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re right, Thea, that name _does_ sound familiar, doesn’t it?” Thea bit her lower lip as Cataline sat back in her office chair and mentally scrolled through her knowledge of people and faces. “Samson… I swear I’ve heard of him… wait!” Cat’s violet eyes lit up with a sudden epiphany. She picked up her phone and sent a brief text. “I think Cullen may be able to help,” she explained, “If I am remembering correctly, Samson was a member of the Special Forces Unit around the same time he was and was dishonorably discharged, although I can’t say I remember why.”

“‘For behavior unbecoming an officer,’” Cullen replied as he entered Cat’s office, his tone heavy with sarcasm. “He got caught smuggling love letters between two recruits and Meredith used it as justification to kick him out.”

“You’re kidding,” Thea asked, not bothering to hide her disdain. “I knew the woman was a psychopath, but she gave him a dishonorable discharge for _that_?”

Cullen shrugged, taking the seat beside her. “She was looking for a reason, Thea. Samson had always been a bit… unstable, and even then he was just this side of a lyrium addiction. From what I heard, after he left the SFU he fell into a full blown addiction and took to petty crime to support his habit. Had any of us been better about helping him instead of judging him, maybe things would have turned out differently. I can’t say I am surprised to hear he is involved with this mess: if someone is feeding his habit or his ego, I doubt it would be terribly difficult to secure his loyalty.”

Thea shook her head. “I can’t believe they still allow the use of that shit…”

“I know, Thea,” Cullen sighed, “And you know I don’t disagree. Lyrium withdrawal is a nasty process, but the addiction is far worse. Good men and women lose everything to it, all in the name of being just a little bit better, faster, stronger. I don’t know if we can do anything to help Samson at this point, but if I can be of any assistance in stopping him from making things worse, I would be happy to do so.”

“Thank you, Cullen,” Cat nodded. “I think we should get in touch with Leliana, see if she can provide anything useful on the man. Now that we have a name, she may be able to give us more detail.”

Thea gave her a small smile of appreciation as she stood and moved towards the door. “I agree. I will head over there after work, see if we can figure out what we need to do next. In the meantime, Cullen, why don’t you prepare a write-up on everything you know or can remember about Samson, just in case.”

“Of course,” he stood as well and opened the door for her, and they exited Cat’s office into the hall.

“How is the wedding planning going?” Thea asked, resisting the urge to giggle at the slight grimace that passed over Cullen’s face.

“I don’t know how she does it, Thea,” he replied. “Belle is still working full time with the DPD, getting ready to move into the new house, and planning a wedding nearly by herself. Just watching her do it all makes me exhausted: I think I’d almost rather face down an enemy army rather than take on her workload.”

Thea did laugh at that. “She’s a Trevelyan, my friend,” she pointed out. “We excel at multi-tasking. I personally accomplish a great deal of it by being generally terrifying, but I imagine Belle does just fine by sweet talking her way through most of it.”

“You’re not wrong,” Cullen smiled. “What about you? Have you and Loghain talked about..?”

“Talked about what?” Thea asked carefully, though she knew damn well what he was about to ask.

“Getting married? I admit, I wasn’t sure about him at first, but Belle was right: you two really are perfect together.”

“I- thank you,” Thea replied, a small smile creeping onto her face despite her best efforts. “I happen to agree.”

Cullen nodded. “I figured as much. I take it that explains the ring that has mysteriously appeared on your left hand? When were you going to tell us you’re engaged?”

“Well, strictly speaking, I’m not…”

He stopped for a moment as they paused outside her office door. “Wait, you mean… you didn’t!”

“I did.”

He wrapped her in a warm hug and kissed the top of her head. “Of course you did,” he chuckled quietly. “Congratulations then, to both of you.”

“Thank you,” Thea laughed. “You can tell Belle, of course, but we are mostly trying to keep it quiet for now. You know: enjoy the moment before shit hits the fan.”

“I understand,” Cullen nodded. “Our lips are sealed.”

 

* * *

 

 

The afternoon sun was riding low in the sky when Thea finally made her way to Leliana’s office. The write up Cullen had provided her on Samson was more extensive than she had hoped for, and it was this that she handed over to her friend.

“Excellent,” Leliana remarked quietly as she briefly paged through the report. “This may be useful in the long term. In the short term, I have been doing some digging of my own. It seems your erstwhile SFU soldier has been very busy as of late. Even I had some trouble tracking his movements, but fortunately for us, Raleigh Samson is not particularly subtle. Also, he seems to be travelling in the company of a female accomplice, although I was able to find out very little about her in the brief time I had to investigate. She, at least, seems to be more discrete.”

“Interesting,” Thea frowned slightly, accepting a cup of tea from Leliana and settling into the chair in front of her desk. I wonder just how extensive this network of bullshit really is…”

Leliana hummed a small trill of laughter. “Who can say? I am hoping that we are getting closer to finding answers, but at the moment we seem to simply be finding more questions. I did, however, find one thing that I think will be useful: Samson, and possibly his female companion, has an arranged meeting in a couple of weeks at a resort in the south of Orlais, The Arbor Wilds. An interesting choice, but I suspect the benign nature of the location is part of its appeal.”

“I knew you’d come through for me, Lel,” Thea gave her a small half smile, and Leliana nodded in acknowledgement.

“While I can’t _officially_ tell you what to do or where to go at this point,” her friend continued, her eyes sparkling with mischief, “I would point out that if, say, a newly married couple were to head to a well-known and romantic resort for a honeymoon, and if they just _happened_ to run into a certain ex-SFU soldier…”

Thea grinned. “I like the way you think, Leliana. I’ll run it by Anora, but I think it is a good idea. Off the record, of course.”

“Naturally,” Leliana replied primly. “I certainly could not be responsible for sanctioning a civilian taking such a course of action. That being said…” She looked up and met Thea’s eyes.

“This particular civilian _was_ trained by the best.”


	34. Everything or Nothing at All

_Take my world, heal my soul,_  
_Shake my pride, do not let go_  
_Give me the sun and the moon above_  
_If the stars should fall only heaven knows._

-“Between a Man and a Woman” by Flogging Molly

 

* * *

 

 

“Mmmmm, you _really_ shouldn’t tease me like that…”

“Like what,” Loghain murmured against Theadosia’s hair as he ran his hand down her back, his thumb pressing gently against the bare curve of her spine. She was lying against his body, her arms folded neatly on his chest and her head resting on her arms. It was much the same as they had spent the past week’s worth of mornings: Anora had made the suggestion that, if they were going to go to the Wilds anyways, they may as well go a few days early, enjoy some time off. Theadosia and Loghain had both made a few token protests: work needed to be done, preparations had to be made… but in the end they both knew they were going to go.

He was glad they did. It was the first real vacation they had taken together where neither of them was working, at least for the moment. Today, that would change, but the last week he had been more relaxed than he had been in years, and he was _happy_. The entire week they had slept in late, then spent the days reading to each other, or talking, or staying in bed entirely too long. At night, after the sun had set, they would lie in the hammock on the patio of their hotel room and look up at the stars, and Theadosia would tell him the stories of the constellations, all of which she apparently knew by heart. Her voice would slowly grow faint as sleep overtook her, and he would simply hold her in his arms until he felt the fade tugging at his mind as well, at which point he would carry her inside and curl up in bed beside her.

It was still strange: he had never thought to marry again. He had never even planned on ever being in a relationship ever again, but Theadosia… she was his _wife_. When they had first met, he never could have conceived of loving her as much as he did, or being as certain that this was exactly where he was supposed to be. Despite everything that had happened in his life… despite all the times he had stumbled and fallen, the warmth of her in his arms made it all worth it.

And while the jungles of southern Orlais were not the first place he would have picked for a vacation (Theadosia _hated_ the word honeymoon, and he was inclined to agree), he was not going to complain about the humidity making Theadosia less inclined to wear much. And whatever eyebrows their marriage may raise in Ferelden, if there was one thing to be said for Orlais, it was that they really did not give much of a damn about unconventional relationships.

That was still probably about the _only_ thing that could be said for it.  

“You know damn well ‘what,’” she pressed a kiss to his chest, her lips curving up in a smile against his skin. “We have spent the better part of the last few days in this bed, and a fair portion of that time was spent doing _exactly_ what you are trying to tempt me into now, but we have work to do.”

“I am so sorry,” he raised an eyebrow, looking down into her eyes, “But weren’t _you_ the one who insisted you needed help putting on sunscreen? If anyone is trying to start something, I believe it is you.”

“You would have my ivory complexion marred by that beastly sun?” She fluttered long lashes at him, but he could see the teasing spark beneath them. “You know I don’t tan, darling. I just burn and turn red. It’s not attractive.”

“It would match your hair.”

“You are the worst, you know that?” She sat up slowly, arching her back in a move that he knew was designed to drive him crazy. And it was working. Loghain reached up and placed a hand on her cheek, stroking his thumb along her cheekbone before she turned to place a kiss against his palm.

“Perhaps,” he admitted, “But I love you.”

“I love you too,” she smiled, leaning back down and pressing a kiss to his lips. “I’m going to go put on my swimsuit. Somehow I doubt the other patrons would appreciate me showing up poolside in my current state of undress.”

“I have no doubt they would appreciate it,” he retorted, “I, however, would not appreciate the rabble leering at my wife.”

“Mmm,” she gave a small contented hum as she fell back against his chest, nuzzling closer. “They are all doomed to disappointment, my love. Come on.” Theadosia finally stood and stretched before reaching for her bathing suit. “Poolside is the best place to people watch without it looking like we’re watching. Besides, they make good drinks.”

“Good to know you have your priorities straight.”

 

* * *

 

 

Once Theadosia had been properly sunblocked and had returned the gesture at her insistence (although he had not complained), Loghain handed her the oversized black sunhat she insisted was a crucial part of the war she was constantly waging against the sun and followed her downstairs. When they had settled by the pool, she leaned back with a small sigh and slipped on her sunglasses before lacing her fingers with his. Despite the laid back posture, he knew that behind the tinted glass she was watching and observing every single person in the area.

“How many new today?” She asked quietly.

“I count at least six. I think your friend with the bad dye job must have checked out though.”

“Too bad,” she giggled softly. “I was working on putting together a bad pick up line bingo sheet using just his attempts. He was annoying as the void though.”

“He’s lucky I didn’t drown him in the pool,” Loghain grumbled, but the thumb he ran over Theadosia’s hand was gentle.

“It probably would have been a mercy. Maker, that man was a menace. I can’t help but wonder if he is related to the guy who once compared Bela’s lips to the plucked wings of sparrows.”

He glanced over at her incredulously. “You’re kidding.”

Theadosia snorted. “I am not. To her credit, Bela never once broke any of his bones, although maker knows she was tempted after the bloody nose was not enough to deter him. I think she may have actually felt sorry for the idiot, which is saying something because pity is _not_ something that comes easily to that woman.”

“I am suddenly much more confident in my ability to speak intelligently to women,” Loghain remarked drily.

“Oh you have never once seemed to have a problem with that,” Theadosia raised an eyebrow over the edge of her glasses.

“Not with you,” he admitted quietly, and was rewarded with one of the soft, honest smiles that his wife hoarded like dragon gold. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek before redirecting his mind to the task at hand. “So… do you really think we will be able to pick this man out? The photo Leliana produced was a few years old, and lyrium addicts do not age well.”

“I thought of that,” she sighed. “But yes, I think so. In any case, this is the closest we have been to answers since we started down this rabbit hole, and I was not going to let it go to waste.”

“Nor was I. I am just trying to account for all possibilities here, Theadosia.”

“Rightfully so. One of the many reasons I love you: you always think three moves ahead. But in this case, I think we won’t need it.”

“Oh?”

She nodded slowly. “Over my left shoulder, at the bar. Man and a woman; can’t see her face, but she’s blonde and pale and wearing an oversized sun hat like mine, and he looks an awful lot like the man we are looking for.”

“I think you’re right,” he agreed, glancing over while trying not to draw attention to the fact that he was looking. The man in question was tall and broad, but his shoulders hunched forward slightly as if he were accustomed to skulking. His skin was sallow and appeared washed out in the warm early summer sun, and even from the distance his eyes appeared bloodshot and sunken. “He looks terrible, but that is about what I would expect.”

Theadosia took a deep breath, exhaling slowly and schooling her face into the same one she used when she had to deal with unpleasant merchants or politicians, then stood and sauntered up to the bar, hips swaying just slightly. Loghain waited a few moments, then followed her, standing far enough away so that it did not appear he was with her, but close enough he could hear. Perhaps not surprisingly, it did not take Samson long to notice the stunning woman beside him.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he ran appraising eyes over her, a wolfish grin on his scarred face. “What’s a pretty thing like you doing drinking all alone? That’s a sin against the maker, right there.”

Loghain resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He knew Theadosia could break every bone in the man’s body without so much as mussing her hair, so there was no need for him to step in, but that did not mean he particularly liked having his wife hit on by this jackass. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her lips curve up in a smile that did not quite reach her own stormy eyes.

“It really is tragic,” she agreed, her voice pitched low and appealing. “Seems a shame to waste such a beautiful day all by myself, doesn’t it?”

Samson almost seemed taken aback; Loghain suspected the other man had not expected Theadosia to be quite as amenable to his advances. “I, uh- right. An awful shame.”

Theadosia’s tossed her head in the direction of Samson’s mysterious companion, who still had not turned to face them. “And will your friend be joining us as well?”

“She certainly will not,” the other woman replied drily before finally turning to face them. When she did, a matching expression of shock suddenly stole over both her and Theadosia’s faces.

“Theadosia?”

Theadosia stared at the other woman for a moment, and she looked as though she had seen a ghost. After what felt like hours but must have only been a few seconds, she managed to regain her composure.

“Calpernia.”

 


	35. Pick Your Path

_Did she make you cry_  
_Make you break down_  
_Shatter your illusions of love_  
_And is it over now do you know how_  
_To pick up the pieces and go home._

-“Gold Dust Woman” by Fleetwood Mac

* * *

 

“Come on,” Calpernia mumbled under her breath, wrapping her hand around Samson’s arm and pulling him in the opposite direction as he stared back at Thea with a blend of confusion and disappointment. Thea watched them for a moment, then accepted her drink from the bartender and walked to the edge of the pool and sat down, her feet slipping into the cool water. Loghain followed, sitting beside her and wrapping an arm around her waist when she leaned against his shoulder with a sigh.

“Well,” she remarked, “things just got _very_ interesting.”

“Apparently,” he agreed. “You know that woman?”

“I did. Years ago, we were at the University of Ostwick together. We… had a mutual friend.”

“Ah,” he bent down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Maecena?”

Thea sighed. She had told Loghain about her abusive ex-girlfriend; had told him more than she had told most people, but it was not a preferred topic of conversation. “Yeah. Remember how I told you I found out Mae was cheating on me? It was with Calpernia’s boyfriend. Cal was in the graduate history program with me. Mae was nothing if not daring, I suppose. She had nerve to be sleeping with me, and the man whose girlfriend saw me almost every day. And let me tell you: Calpernia was none too happy either when she found out. We both broke things off with our respective partners and ended up good friends.”

“What happened after you left the university?”

“I am not entirely certain,” she frowned slightly. “We lost touch. Cal is from Tevinter, and it was always her dream to return home and try to enact real social change there: the kind of changes that were never going to make her very popular. She was particularly adamant about improving the lives of the poorest and most vulnerable of the population, which of course does not exactly mesh with the goals of Tevinter politicians. The magisters want to keep their carefully cultivated power, and people like Cal or my friend Dorian threaten the status quo in a big way. Cal believed that, while Tevinter would never be the empire it once was, her people could at least recapture some of the glory and prestige of their golden age if only they could rally the masses, including the lowest classes.”

Thea took a long sip of her drink, trying to organize her thoughts: Calpernia’s appearance, apparently as Samson’s accomplice, had thrown her out of sorts, but she was recovering rapidly. “What have you gotten yourself into, Cal…”

“So,” he observed beside her, “This entire time, it has been Tevinter.”

Thea thought for a moment before she replied. “Yes and no,” she finally said. “I do not think we are dealing with the Archon or the Magisterium; I spoke to my friend Dorian back when we first dealt with Livius Erimond, and he pointed out that, while the Imperium would shed no tears if the south was torn apart and weakened for invasion, this is not a course of action Archon Radonis would pursue.”

“Of course not,” Loghain raised an eyebrow. “Historically they have not been stupid enough to try to engage in a war on two fronts. Not that he would not try to take advantage of the results.”

“I agree, but he would not initiate this sort of strategy. Too many moving pieces that we have already toppled; too many things that could go wrong. The plan itself was ambitious: if Celene was trying to fend off threats from both the wardens and from her cousin, the Empire would slowly tear itself apart from the inside. And we already know what happened when Ferelden thought Orlais was preparing for war: we responded in kind. Void, it is why your daughter asked you to come back from exile. Which,” she smiled slightly, “I suppose I ought to thank our unknown adversary for.” Her husband shook his head slightly, but leaned down and brushed a kiss against her lips before she continued.

“If we closed off our borders, trade between us and Orlais would collapse. We would survive with domestic trade, in the short term, but Antiva is practically built on the merchant classes. If trade freezes, they’re screwed.”

“And with Orlais too distracted to help defend their borders, Nevarra is exposed to ingress from Tevinter, who would be all too happy to take advantage of a foothold on the Empire’s doorstep,” Loghain added grimly. “Although I cannot imagine that the Archon would be terribly pleased to find someone else directing the battle. I have lost count of the number of political rivals that have ‘disappeared’ when they seemed to threaten his power.”

“No,” she observed. “Either he is completely in the dark on this, or he is banking on this person eventually revealing themselves, thus giving him a target to remove. I am inclined to believe the former; Anora had words with the Tevinter ambassador and Dorian put out some feelers of his own after we spoke with Erimond: the ambassador was cagey as usual, but he seemed more interested in trying to figure out what _we_ knew rather than hide what he knew, which tells me that this is not a state-sanctioned operation.” Thea stood and began drying off her legs. “I suspect that, whoever _is_ behind this, they are getting desperate. It is unfortunate that Cal recognized me: she and Samson have probably already warned their handler this meeting is no longer safe. We need to speak with Anora, try to decide what to do next. In the meantime, I need a shower. My skin is still crawling from being so close to that creep.” She took a few steps back towards the hotel before she turned and looked at him with a small smile.

“I would not say no to company.”

 

* * *

 

When they eventually emerged from the shower, Thea was not entirely surprised to find a small piece of paper had been slipped under the door of their room. On it, in a familiar slanting scribble, was a time later that evening and the name of a popular tourist location: an old temple dedicated to the elven goddess Mythal. Loghain came and stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. “You think it’s a trap?” He murmured against her hair.

“No,” she shook her head slightly, leaning back into his embrace. “This is definitely from Cal, and she picked a time and location where there would be plenty of witnesses if something went down. If I had to guess, I would say she is in over her head and is going rogue on her handler, but I will not know for certain until we speak with her. And if it is a trap, well…” she shrugged. “I will have you there. There is no one else I would rather have at my back.”

“I will not let anything happen to you, Theadosia,” he promised.

“Nor I you,” she smiled. “Come on. Let’s get dressed and go see what Calpernia has to say.”

When they reached the temple at the appointed time, the tours were winding down for the day but there were still a fair number of visitors milling about. Thea and Loghain stepped into one of the less popular rooms that was lined with elaborate mosaics dedicated to the elvhen pantheon. They were not alone for long.

“I see you brought your, what, bodyguard?” Calpernia slipped silently to her side. The three of them may have simply been having a discussion about the mosaic in front of them.

“My husband, actually,” Thea replied evenly, and out of the corner of her eye she could see a small smile twitch at the corner of her old friend’s lips.

“You always did have interesting tastes, although I am glad to see they have improved significantly. And his presence is useful at this junction, actually.”

“You may stop speaking as though I were not here, young woman,” Loghain grumbled quietly.

Calpernia gave a brief snort of laughter. “I am only a few years older than your wife, Teyrn Mac Tir, so watch who you are calling ‘young.’ In any case, as I said, I am not displeased you are here. I believe we may be able to assist each other.”

“I admit, Calpernia, I find myself alarmed that you have allowed yourself to become wrapped up in this mess,” Thea spoke, failing to keep a faint edge from her otherwise conversational tone. “You were always bright, albeit ambitious. How did you get mixed up with these people?”

Calpernia fell silent. When she finally spoke, Thea could hear traces of regret and disappointment. “I had too much hope, Theadosia. You know the dreams I had for my homeland, for my people. We could be so much more than we are, especially if we tore down the Magisterium and started from scratch. Promises were made; promises that I now realize were never intended to be kept, even if they could be at this point. I have come to offer a trade: immunity from the Ferelden crown and the peace to live out my life in exchange for everything I know, and the evidence to back it up.”

“Just like that?” Thea asked incredulously.

“Just like that,” Calpernia nodded. “I am not stupid, Theadosia. I know that if you have gotten this far, it will not take too much more for you to unravel the rest of it. I warned him that if he threatened Anora you would not stand for it, but he would not listen, and now every time you knock down another piece, he grows more furious and irrational. And besides,” she hesitated, her expression growing momentarily wistful, “I can do very little to improve the lot of my homeland from behind bars. I will freely admit I made a mistake throwing my lot in with Corypheus; I would be… grateful… for a chance to try again.”

“Corypheus? What kind of a name is that?”

“Old Tevene,” Calpernia shrugged. “It means ‘the conductor.’ Didn’t you used to speak it?”

“I did,” Thea replied flatly, “And it was a giant pain in my ass to learn, so as soon as I was out of university I promptly forgot most of it. They conjugated their _nouns_ , Cal. Who does that?”

Calpernia gave a small chuckle. “Fair point. And yes: the man behind your troubles calls himself Corypheus. I have no idea what his real name is; I am not sure any of us do, not even those of us closest to him. He leads a cult of Tevinter supremacists called the Venatori, and they intend to see the south brought to its knees.”

“Yet they do not have the support or endorsement of the Magisterium?” Loghain asked.

“Not as of yet, no,” Calpernia replied. “For now they are considered a splinter faction; a rogue group that is not being actively pursued simply because they are not operating within the Imperium’s borders. Should they be given an opportunity to pose a real political challenge, that would change, but for now the Archon is content to let Corypheus play his games and weaken the south as much as he can.”

“But to what end?” Thea asked, frustration creeping into her tone. “Invasion?”

Calpernia shook her head. “Not at first. First would be the expulsion of the qunari. My country has been at war with the qunari for ages, Thea. If Corypheus took the south, it would provide soldiers for conscription and resources for seizure.”

“And you really think that would be enough?” Loghain stared at her in disbelief. “You’re mad. You cannot win a war of attrition against the qunari: they practically invented the tactic. You would see your own country drained of troops and resources and then bleed the south as well?”

“It was more than that,” Calpernia protested, but Thea could see she was trying to convince herself as much as them. “He promised me that we would see our people uplifted: that all the poor and downtrodden amongst us would be given a chance to make something of themselves, to have a better life. And yes, fool that I was, I believed him. But I see now that he is a madman bent on nothing but fire and chaos and destruction, and I see that I have a chance to make things right.”

“But only if we promise to save your own skin.”

Calpernia gave them a small smile. “Seems a small price to pay for the security of the southern continent, doesn’t it, old friend?”

Thea sighed and glanced at Loghain, who simply gave her a small shrug which she knew meant that the decision would be hers.

“Make the call.”

He nodded once and stepped away, taking out his phone to call his daughter. Thea turned back to Calpernia. “I sincerely hope I do not regret this, Cal. Had it been anyone but you…”

“You will not,” Calpernia assured her. “And if I may say, despite the unusual circumstances, it is good to see you again. You have done well for yourself, haven’t you? You are happy.”

“I am,” Thea agreed quietly, her hand reaching up to her locket. “We have both come a long way from where we were, when Mae left us battered and broken.”

“She’s dead now. Did you know?”

“Is she really?” Thea tried to find some part of her that could be bothered to care, but in the cold depths of her mind she knew the world was a better place for not having Maecena in it any longer.

Calpernia nodded. “One of her wealthy lovers had a wife that did not care for the fact that she had a mistress. I always warned her that one of these days she was going to go too far, and she finally did. A bullet to the brain, so at least it was quick, not that she deserved that mercy.”

“No, I suppose she didn’t,” Thea replied. They stood in silence then, lost in their own thoughts, until Loghain returned. He gave Calpernia a terse nod.

“Anora has agreed to your terms. Should you renege on your promise, your life will be forfeit.”

“I understand,” Calpernia smiled wryly. “Although I should point out that, without Anora’s protection, my life would be forfeit regardless. I will return to my room and retrieve my things; leave enough of a false trail to keep Samson busy for awhile. It shouldn’t be too difficult: the man is a few bulbs short of a Satinalia tree, and perhaps that will make it easier for your people to apprehend him.”

Thea offered a small smile of her own. “Yes. I have a colleague who would be _very_ interested in having a word with his former brother-in-arms.”

With that, Calpernia turned and walked away, disappearing easily into the crowd of departing visitors and pilgrims. Loghain wrapped his arm around Thea as they followed some distance behind. She sighed, leaning her head against the comfort of his shoulder.

“Let’s go home.”


	36. Believe the Very Best

_There's a calm surrender to the rush of day_  
_When the heat of a rolling wind can be turned away_  
_An enchanted moment, and it sees me through_  
_It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you._

 

-“Can You Feel the Love Tonight” by Elton John

 

* * *

 

 

As loathe as he was to return to reality, Loghain knew that things were going to start unfolding very quickly, and that meant he and Theadosia needed to return to the capitol. They spent one last, peaceful night in the Wilds, then boarded a plane for Denerim the next day.

“I will give your ‘friend’ credit,” Anora remarked drily when they met with her later that week after she had begun setting things in motion. “Her information was good. We were not only able to apprehend Samson, but also root out a great number of Venatori cells as well, including several that were in deep cover. I am, however, slightly disturbed to see how thoroughly they were able to infiltrate the Wardens, the Imperial Palace, and _here_.”

 

“It is something that we should probably look at, yes,” Theadosia agreed beside him, “And I would recommend doing a thorough re-vetting of anyone who has joined your staff in the last two years. In the meantime, have we made any progress finding Corypheus himself?”

Anora gave a short huff of frustration. “Not as of yet. We know that he had promised Florianne and Erimond seats of power in the new provinces he was going to create in the conquered south, but who knows if he ever intended to follow through. Given that Erimond’s corpse was discovered in an abandoned house on the edge of the Tirashan Forest leads me to believe that, whatever else he may be, Corypheus does not accept failure. I can understand now why Florianne was so eager to stay in our custody.”

“Have you gotten anything useful out of Samson?” Loghain asked. “Is his mind even coherent enough to tell you anything?”

“Unfortunately… yes,” Anora replied carefully.”

He raised an eyebrow in her direction. “‘Unfortunately?’”

She sighed. “He is remarkably lucid, actually. Apparently, though, his master was holding him on a very tight leash, and it was not the ordinary lyrium SFU soldiers are given via the chantry. The vials we found on his person were filled with red instead of blue. I asked Bethany Hawke to run some tox screens on it, and the results were… disturbing, to say the least. The red lyrium was like the blue, but ramped up to unbelievable levels. Samson was, I believe, a test subject, and quite honestly I am amazed he survived the process. I shudder to think what might have happened if that stuff had made it into the general populous. I called in Cullen Rutherford to handle him, at Thea’s suggestion, since he has dealt with him before. The information we have gotten out of Samson has admittedly been useful for rounding up stragglers and covert agents, but we still have no clue as to where Corypheus is. Both he and Calpernia insist that the only times they ever actually met with their boss, they were blindfolded, and they always took a different route so they could not memorize the location. All they are able to tell us is that he said that, should the worst happen, they were all to find safe haven somewhere until he was able to contact them.”

“Safe haven…” Theadosia muttered quietly. Suddenly, she stood and dashed out of the office, leaving Loghain and Anora to follow her with almost matching expressions of bewilderment. She entered his office and began scanning the antique maps he had lining the walls. “Umm…,” she bit her lower lip, her brow furrowing slightly as she examined the framed maps, “That one.” She pointed to a map of Ferelden that had been drawn sometime in the early Towers Age. He dutifully retrieved it from the wall and set it carefully on his desk, watching as she pored over it with intent.

“There,” she finally flashed them a triumphant smile. He and Anora leaned closer, peering at the tiny dot on the map that was almost overwhelmed by the mountain ranges and vast forests that surrounded it.

_Haven_.

 

* * *

 

 

They watched from the distance as a combined force of Fereldan and Orlesian soldiers emerged from the walls of an ancient temple. In their custody was a tall, pale, deeply scarred man who almost did not appear to be human, but even from where they stood Loghain could see the madness in his gaze that was almost, but not quite, tempered by a cruel intelligence. The temple itself was an architectural wonder: he strongly suspected that once things had settled down once more, Theadosia would insist on coming back to poke around, but for now she remained silently by his side, watching with an almost dispassionate expression as the architect of the chaos they had been fighting for over a year was led away.

Before he was shoved unceremoniously into the back of a waiting secure truck, Corypheus paused, then glanced up to where they stood. A small, cruel smile twisted at the monster’s lips before he was roughly shoved into the vehicle. Loghain wrapped a protective arm around Theadosia’s shoulders and, though she leaned her head against his chest, her voice was remarkably calm.

“If Celene and Anora are smart, they will execute that man sooner rather than later.”

He looked down at her in surprise. Theadosia had a temper, true, and she rarely had much use for fools, but she had not even demanded the death of Florianne or Samson. She tilted her head up to face him, and he saw no rage in her eyes; only steel.

“I am not simply speaking from anger, love,” she reassured him, and he was not in the least surprised to hear that she had guessed his thoughts. “Rather, I speak from practicality: wait too long, and I have no doubt that some of his fanatics will find a way to break him out of whatever prison he is put in. Extradite him to Tevinter, and I suspect they would not even have to try too terribly hard to help him escape. There are few in that country, including Archon Radonis himself, who would weep to see the south fall. I think we both agree that our only saving grace here is that the Archon was more concerned with keeping his own power than in feeding into the delusions and ambitions of a potential rival. Like I said: cutting the head off this particular snake is going to be the only real solution here.”

She slipper her hand into his, and they slowly made there way down to the waiting car. As he turned the key in the ignition, he paused and looked at her. “Theadosia?”

“Yes?”

“Did you see…”

She sighed. “Yes. I saw. The scarring that disfigured his skin looked alarmingly similar to that of the diseased spawn from Ostagar, didn’t it?”

“It has been years, Theadosia,” he replied quietly. “Do you think he had anything to do with that? Is there still a threat lurking somewhere beneath the surface?”

“I don’t know,” she shook her head. “I fear there is a connection that we have not yet seen, but until we have questioned Corypheus there is little we can do about it. I think that, for the moment, we have done all we can. Anora is safe, as is Ferelden. Whatever comes next, we will face it together.”

“Let’s go home.”

 

* * *

 

 

_Home_.

He was home, wherever she was. At the moment, home was her favorite plaid woolen blanket spread out on the grass of the backyard of their house in Denerim, with the summer night sky stretching out above them in an endless satiny expanse of stars. It was still early enough in the season that the night was cool without being chill, but Theadosia had always tended towards too cold, so she had nestled up close to him, her head resting on his shoulder as they gazed up at the familiar constellations.

The past month had been busy. Celene and Anora had taken his wife’s warning to heart and had Corypheus summarily tried and executed for his crimes. They never had learned his true name and, at the end of the day, Loghain did not much care. The monster’s remains had been cremated and scattered somewhere his followers would not be able to retrieve them. Calpernia had been granted her promised immunity, and had been living quietly on the outskirts of Denerim ever since. Theadosia believed that, someday, her friend would return to Tevinter, but for now was content to have her close enough that Leliana could keep an eye on her.

Meanwhile, Loghain and Theadosia had settled into their life together. She was as adept at helping him run the teyrnir as she was at running Seawolf and Steed, and handled both roles with a grace that he was not surprised by in the least. In fact, Theadosia seemed far happier than she had when he had first met her. Anora and Cataline had suggested that perhaps _he_ had something to do with that, and though he had simply rolled his eyes at their knowing glances, in his heart he hoped it was true. Today had been a long, exhausting Friday filled with meetings and decisions and a seemingly unending mountain of tasks for both of them, and tomorrow was the wedding for Cullen and Belle, so he knew that Theadosia would be up with the dawn to help. For tonight, however, it was just them, alone under the stars, exactly as it had been when they first met.

“Theadosia?”

“Hmm?” She murmured quietly, nuzzling closer to his chest.

“Do you regret not having a big white wedding like Belle?”

She propped herself up on her elbow so she could face him, and in the soft light of the stars he could see an amused smile playing over her lips. “Of course not. Should I? Do you?”

Loghain shrugged. “No, but I had it once. I worry that I deprived you of the opportunity to be as anxiety-ridden and neurotic as other brides.”

Theadosia laughed softly before settling back down against his chest, and he wrapped an arm around her waist to draw her closer, his hand reaching up to stroke her hair. “Darling… no. Just, no. I never wanted any of that. All I wanted was you.”

“Well, for whatever it is worth,” he kissed her forehead softly, “You have me. Heart and soul, for the rest of my days.”

“It is worth _everything_ ,” she whispered. “You know I am yours, yes? Always.”

“I know.”

They lay there, lost in each other and their own thoughts for a long while before she spoke again. “Besides, can you honestly imagine me in one of those ridiculous dresses with the massive skirts that take three hours to get in and out of?”

“Oh, I could,” he pressed another kiss to the top of her head, “However, I would _much_ prefer to imagine you out of it. And I promise you: it would not take me three hours.”

Theadosia laughed again, brighter and clearer. “You are either the absolute best, or the absolute worst. I cannot decide, my love.”

“That’s alright,” he wrapped his arms around her with a quiet sigh of contentment.

“We have time.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are, once again at the end of the story. Well, at least for now. ;) Thank you to everyone who read, commented, liked, reblogged, or otherwise supported this work. Special thanks to @missragdoll84, @slothquisitor, and @thesecondsealwrites for the impossible amount of love, encouragement, and patience they've had for both me and this story. 
> 
> Until next time, kittens.
> 
> XOXO,
> 
> -A


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